Troilus and Cressida
By William Shakespeare.
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Dramatis Personae
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Priam, King of Troy
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Hector, his son
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Troilus, his son
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Paris, his son
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Deiphobus, his son
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Helenus, his son
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Margarelon, a bastard son of Priam
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Aeneas, Trojan commander
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Antenor, Trojan commander
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Calchas, a Trojan priest, taking part with the Greeks
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Pandarus, uncle to Cressida
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Agamemnon, the Grecian general
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Menelaus, his brother
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Achilles, Grecian Prince
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Ajax, Grecian Prince
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Ulysses, Grecian Prince
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Nestor, Grecian Prince
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Diomedes, Grecian Prince
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Patroclus, Grecian Prince
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Thersites, a deformed and scurrilous Grecian
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Alexander, servant to Cressida
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Servant to Troilus
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Servant to Paris
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Servant to Diomedes
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Helen, wife to Menelaus
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Andromache, wife to Hector
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Cassandra, daughter to Priam, a prophetess
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Cressida, daughter to Calchas
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Trojan and Greek soldiers, and attendants
Scene: Troy, and the Grecian camp before it.
Troilus and Cressida
Prologue
In Troy, there lies the scene. From isles of Greece
|
Act I
Scene I
Troy. Before Priam’s palace.
Enter Troilus armed, and Pandarus. | |
Troilus |
Call here my varlet; I’ll unarm again:
|
Pandarus | Will this gear ne’er be mended? |
Troilus |
The Greeks are strong and skilful to their strength,
|
Pandarus | Well, I have told you enough of this: for my part, I’ll not meddle nor make no further. He that will have a cake out of the wheat must needs tarry the grinding. |
Troilus | Have I not tarried? |
Pandarus | Ay, the grinding; but you must tarry the bolting. |
Troilus | Have I not tarried? |
Pandarus | Ay, the bolting, but you must tarry the leavening. |
Troilus | Still have I tarried. |
Pandarus | Ay, to the leavening; but here’s yet in the word “hereafter” the kneading, the making of the cake, the heating of the oven and the baking; nay, you must stay the cooling too, or you may chance to burn your lips. |
Troilus |
Patience herself, what goddess e’er she be,
|
Pandarus | Well, she looked yesternight fairer than ever I saw her look, or any woman else. |
Troilus |
I was about to tell thee:—when my heart,
|
Pandarus | An her hair were not somewhat darker than Helen’s—well, go to—there were no more comparison between the women: but, for my part, she is my kinswoman; I would not, as they term it, praise her: but I would somebody had heard her talk yesterday, as I did. I will not dispraise your sister Cassandra’s wit, but— |
Troilus |
O Pandarus! I tell thee, Pandarus—
|
Pandarus | I speak no more than truth. |
Troilus | Thou dost not speak so much. |
Pandarus | Faith, I’ll not meddle in’t. Let her be as she is: if she be fair, ’tis the better for her; an she be not, she has the mends in her own hands. |
Troilus | Good Pandarus, how now, Pandarus! |
Pandarus | I have had my labour for my travail; ill-thought on of her and ill-thought on of you; gone between and between, but small thanks for my labour. |
Troilus | What, art thou angry, Pandarus? what, with me? |
Pandarus | Because she’s kin to me, therefore she’s not so fair as Helen: an she were not kin to me, she would be as fair on Friday as Helen is on Sunday. But what care I? I care not an she were a black-a-moor; ’tis all one to me. |
Troilus | Say I she is not fair? |
Pandarus | I do not care whether you do or no. She’s a fool to stay behind her father; let her to the Greeks; and so I’ll tell her the next time I see her: for my part, I’ll meddle nor make no more i’ the matter. |
Troilus | Pandarus— |
Pandarus | Not I. |
Troilus | Sweet Pandarus— |
Pandarus | Pray you, speak no more to me: I will leave all as I found it, and there an end. Exit Pandarus. An alarum. |
Troilus |
Peace, you ungracious clamours! peace, rude sounds!
|
Alarum. Enter Aeneas. | |
Aeneas | How now, Prince Troilus! wherefore not afield? |
Troilus |
Because not there: this woman’s answer sorts,
|
Aeneas | That Paris is returned home and hurt. |
Troilus | By whom, Aeneas? |
Aeneas | Troilus, by Menelaus. |
Troilus |
Let Paris bleed: ’tis but a scar to scorn;
|
Aeneas | Hark, what good sport is out of town to-day! |
Troilus |
Better at home, if “would I might” were “may.”
|
Aeneas | In all swift haste. |
Troilus | Come, go we then together. Exeunt. |
Scene II
The Same. A street.
Enter Cressida and Alexander. | |
Cressida | Who were those went by? |
Alexander | Queen Hecuba and Helen. |
Cressida | And whither go they? |
Alexander |
Up to the eastern tower,
|
Cressida | What was his cause of anger? |
Alexander |
The noise goes, this: there is among the Greeks
|
Cressida | Good; and what of him? |
Alexander |
They say he is a very man per se,
|
Cressida | So do all men, unless they are drunk, sick, or have no legs. |
Alexander | This man, lady, hath robbed many beasts of their particular additions; he is as valiant as the lion, churlish as the bear, slow as the elephant: a man into whom nature hath so crowded humours that his valour is crushed into folly, his folly sauced with discretion: there is no man hath a virtue that he hath not a glimpse of, nor any man an attaint but he carries some stain of it: he is melancholy without cause, and merry against the hair: he hath the joints of every thing, but everything so out of joint that he is a gouty Briareus, many hands and no use, or purblind Argus, all eyes and no sight. |
Cressida | But how should this man, that makes me smile, make Hector angry? |
Alexander | They say he yesterday coped Hector in the battle and struck him down, the disdain and shame whereof hath ever since kept Hector fasting and waking. |
Cressida | Who comes here? |
Alexander | Madam, your uncle Pandarus. |
Enter Pandarus. | |
Cressida | Hector’s a gallant man. |
Alexander | As may be in the world, lady. |
Pandarus | What’s that? what’s that? |
Cressida | Good morrow, uncle Pandarus. |
Pandarus | Good morrow, cousin Cressid: what do you talk of? Good morrow, Alexander. How do you, cousin? When were you at Ilium? |
Cressida | This morning, uncle. |
Pandarus | What were you talking of when I came? Was Hector armed and gone ere ye came to Ilium? Helen was not up, was she? |
Cressida | Hector was gone, but Helen was not up. |
Pandarus | Even so: Hector was stirring early. |
Cressida | That were we talking of, and of his anger. |
Pandarus | Was he angry? |
Cressida | So he says here. |
Pandarus | True, he was so: I know the cause too: he’ll lay about him to-day, I can tell them that: and there’s Troilus will not come far behind him; let them take heed of Troilus, I can tell them that too. |
Cressida | What, is he angry too? |
Pandarus | Who, Troilus? Troilus is the better man of the two. |
Cressida | O Jupiter! there’s no comparison. |
Pandarus | What, not between Troilus and Hector? Do you know a man if you see him? |
Cressida | Ay, if I ever saw him before and knew him. |
Pandarus | Well, I say Troilus is Troilus. |
Cressida | Then you say as I say; for, I am sure, he is not Hector. |
Pandarus | No, nor Hector is not Troilus in some degrees. |
Cressida | ’Tis just to each of them; he is himself. |
Pandarus | Himself! Alas, poor Troilus! I would he were. |
Cressida | So he is. |
Pandarus | Condition, I had gone barefoot to India. |
Cressida | He is not Hector. |
Pandarus | Himself! no, he’s not himself: would a’ were himself! Well, the gods are above; time must friend or end: well, Troilus, well: I would my heart were in her body. No, Hector is not a better man than Troilus. |
Cressida | Excuse me. |
Pandarus | He is elder. |
Cressida | Pardon me, pardon me. |
Pandarus | Th’ other’s not come to’t; you shall tell me another tale, when th’ other’s come to’t. Hector shall not have his wit this year. |
Cressida | He shall not need it, if he have his own. |
Pandarus | Nor his qualities. |
Cressida | No matter. |
Pandarus | Nor his beauty. |
Cressida | ’Twould not become him; his own’s better. |
Pandarus | You have no judgment, niece: Helen herself swore th’ other day, that Troilus, for a brown favour—for so ’tis, I must confess—not brown neither— |
Cressida | No, but brown. |
Pandarus | ’Faith, to say truth, brown and not brown. |
Cressida | To say the truth, true and not true. |
Pandarus | She praised his complexion above Paris. |
Cressida | Why, Paris hath colour enough. |
Pandarus | So he has. |
Cressida | Then Troilus should have too much: if she praised him above, his complexion is higher than his; he having colour enough, and the other higher, is too flaming a praise for a good complexion. I had as lief Helen’s golden tongue had commended Troilus for a copper nose. |
Pandarus | I swear to you. I think Helen loves him better than Paris. |
Cressida | Then she’s a merry Greek indeed. |
Pandarus | Nay, I am sure she does. She came to him th’ other day into the compassed window—and, you know, he has not past three or four hairs on his chin— |
Cressida | Indeed, a tapster’s arithmetic may soon bring his particulars therein to a total. |
Pandarus | Why, he is very young: and yet will he, within three pound, lift as much as his brother Hector. |
Cressida | Is he so young a man and so old a lifter? |
Pandarus | But to prove to you that Helen loves him: she came and puts me her white hand to his cloven chin— |
Cressida | Juno have mercy! how came it cloven? |
Pandarus | Why, you know ’tis dimpled: I think his smiling becomes him better than any man in all Phrygia. |
Cressida | O, he smiles valiantly. |
Pandarus | Does he not? |
Cressida | O yes, an ’twere a cloud in autumn. |
Pandarus | Why, go to, then: but to prove to you that Helen loves Troilus— |
Cressida | Troilus will stand to the proof, if you’ll prove it so. |
Pandarus | Troilus! why, he esteems her no more than I esteem an addle egg. |
Cressida | If you love an addle egg as well as you love an idle head, you would eat chickens i’ the shell. |
Pandarus | I cannot choose but laugh, to think how she tickled his chin: indeed, she has a marvellous white hand, I must needs confess— |
Cressida | Without the rack. |
Pandarus | And she takes upon her to spy a white hair on his chin. |
Cressida | Alas, poor chin! many a wart is richer. |
Pandarus | But there was such laughing! Queen Hecuba laughed that her eyes ran o’er. |
Cressida | With mill-stones. |
Pandarus | And Cassandra laughed. |
Cressida | But there was more temperate fire under the pot of her eyes: did her eyes run o’er too? |
Pandarus | And Hector laughed. |
Cressida | At what was all this laughing? |
Pandarus | Marry, at the white hair that Helen spied on Troilus’ chin. |
Cressida | An’t had been a green hair, I should have laughed too. |
Pandarus | They laughed not so much at the hair as at his pretty answer. |
Cressida | What was his answer? |
Pandarus | Quoth she, “Here’s but two and fifty hairs on your chin, and one of them is white. |
Cressida | This is her question. |
Pandarus | That’s true; make no question of that. “Two and fifty hairs,” quoth he, “and one white: that white hair is my father, and all the rest are his sons.” “Jupiter!” quoth she, “which of these hairs is Paris my husband?” “The forked one,” quoth he, “pluck’t out, and give it him.” But there was such laughing! and Helen so blushed, an Paris so chafed, and all the rest so laughed, that it passed. |
Cressida | So let it now; for it has been while going by. |
Pandarus | Well, cousin. I told you a thing yesterday; think on’t. |
Cressida | So I do. |
Pandarus | I’ll be sworn ’tis true; he will weep you, an ’twere a man born in April. |
Cressida | And I’ll spring up in his tears, an ’twere a nettle against May. A retreat sounded. |
Pandarus | Hark! they are coming from the field: shall we stand up here, and see them as they pass toward Ilium? good niece, do, sweet niece Cressida. |
Cressida | At your pleasure. |
Pandarus | Here, here, here’s an excellent place; here we may see most bravely: I’ll tell you them all by their names as they pass by; but mark Troilus above the rest. |
Cressida | Speak not so loud. |
Aeneas passes. | |
Pandarus | That’s Aeneas: is not that a brave man? he’s one of the flowers of Troy, I can tell you: but mark Troilus; you shall see anon. |
Antenor passes. | |
Cressida | Who’s that? |
Pandarus | That’s Antenor: he has a shrewd wit, I can tell you; and he’s a man good enough: he’s one o’ the soundest judgments in Troy, whosoever, and a proper man of person. When comes Troilus? I’ll show you Troilus anon: if he see me, you shall see him nod at me. |
Cressida | Will he give you the nod? |
Pandarus | You shall see. |
Cressida | If he do, the rich shall have more. |
Hector passes. | |
Pandarus | That’s Hector, that, that, look you, that; there’s a fellow! Go thy way, Hector! There’s a brave man, niece. O brave Hector! Look how he looks! there’s a countenance! is’t not a brave man? |
Cressida | O, a brave man! |
Pandarus | Is a’ not? it does a man’s heart good. Look you what hacks are on his helmet! look you yonder, do you see? look you there: there’s no jesting; there’s laying on, take’t off who will, as they say: there be hacks! |
Cressida | Be those with swords? |
Pandarus | Swords! any thing, he cares not; an the devil come to him, it’s all one: by God’s lid, it does one’s heart good. Yonder comes Paris, yonder comes Paris. |
Paris passes. | |
Look ye yonder, niece; is’t not a gallant man too, is’t not? Why, this is brave now. Who said he came hurt home to-day? he’s not hurt: why, this will do Helen’s heart good now, ha! Would I could see Troilus now! You shall see Troilus anon. | |
Helenus passes. | |
Cressida | Who’s that? |
Pandarus | That’s Helenus. I marvel where Troilus is. That’s Helenus. I think he went not forth to-day. That’s Helenus. |
Cressida | Can Helenus fight, uncle? |
Pandarus | Helenus? no. Yes, he’ll fight indifferent well. I marvel where Troilus is. Hark! do you not hear the people cry “Troilus”? Helenus is a priest. |
Cressida | What sneaking fellow comes yonder? |
Troilus passes. | |
Pandarus | Where? yonder? that’s Deiphobus. ’Tis Troilus! there’s a man, niece! Hem! Brave Troilus! the prince of chivalry! |
Cressida | Peace, for shame, peace! |
Pandarus | Mark him; note him. O brave Troilus! Look well upon him, niece: look you how his sword is bloodied, and his helm more hacked than Hector’s, and how he looks, and how he goes! O admirable youth! he ne’er saw three and twenty. Go thy way, Troilus, go thy way! Had I a sister were a grace, or a daughter a goddess, he should take his choice. O admirable man! Paris? Paris is dirt to him; and, I warrant, Helen, to change, would give an eye to boot. |
Cressida | Here come more. |
Forces pass. | |
Pandarus | Asses, fools, dolts! chaff and bran, chaff and bran! porridge after meat! I could live and die i’ the eyes of Troilus. Ne’er look, ne’er look; the eagles are gone: crows and daws, crows and daws! I had rather be such a man as Troilus than Agamemnon and all Greece. |
Cressida | There is among the Greeks Achilles, a better man than Troilus. |
Pandarus | Achilles! a drayman, a porter, a very camel. |
Cressida | Well, well. |
Pandarus | “Well, well!” Why, have you any discretion? have you any eyes? Do you know what a man is? Is not birth, beauty, good shape, discourse, manhood, learning, gentleness, virtue, youth, liberality, and such like, the spice and salt that season a man? |
Cressida | Ay, a minced man: and then to be baked with no date in the pie, for then the man’s date’s out. |
Pandarus | You are such a woman! one knows not at what ward you lie. |
Cressida | Upon my back, to defend my belly; upon my wit, to defend my wiles; upon my secrecy, to defend mine honesty; my mask, to defend my beauty; and you, to defend all these: and at all these wards I lie, at a thousand watches. |
Pandarus | Say one of your watches. |
Cressida | Nay, I’ll watch you for that; and that’s one of the chiefest of them too: if I cannot ward what I would not have hit, I can watch you for telling how I took the blow; unless it swell past hiding, and then it’s past watching. |
Pandarus | You are such another! |
Enter Troilus’s Boy. | |
Boy | Sir, my lord would instantly speak with you. |
Pandarus | Where? |
Boy | At your own house; there he unarms him. |
Pandarus | Good boy, tell him I come. Exit Boy. I doubt he be hurt. Fare ye well, good niece. |
Cressida | Adieu, uncle. |
Pandarus | I’ll be with you, niece, by and by. |
Cressida | To bring, uncle? |
Pandarus | Ay, a token from Troilus. |
Cressida |
By the same token, you are a bawd. Exit Pandarus.
|
Scene III
The Grecian camp. Before Agamemnon’s tent.
Sennet. Enter Agamemnon, Nestor, Ulysses, Menelaus, and others. | |
Agamemnon |
Princes,
|
Nestor |
With due observance of thy godlike seat,
|
Ulysses |
Agamemnon,
|
Agamemnon |
Speak, prince of Ithaca; and be’t of less expect
|
Ulysses |
Troy, yet upon his basis, had been down,
|
Nestor |
Most wisely hath Ulysses here discover’d
|
Agamemnon |
The nature of the sickness found, Ulysses,
|
Ulysses |
The great Achilles, whom opinion crowns
|
Nestor |
And in the imitation of these twain—
|
Ulysses |
They tax our policy, and call it cowardice,
|
Nestor |
Let this be granted, and Achilles’ horse
|
Agamemnon | What trumpet? look, Menelaus. |
Menelaus | From Troy. |
Enter Aeneas. | |
Agamemnon | What would you ’fore our tent? |
Aeneas | Is this great Agamemnon’s tent, I pray you? |
Agamemnon | Even this. |
Aeneas |
May one, that is a herald and a prince,
|
Agamemnon |
With surety stronger than Achilles’ arm
|
Aeneas |
Fair leave and large security. How may
|
Agamemnon | How! |
Aeneas |
Ay;
|
Agamemnon |
This Trojan scorns us; or the men of Troy
|
Aeneas |
Courtiers as free, as debonair, unarm’d,
|
Agamemnon | Sir, you of Troy, call you yourself Aeneas? |
Aeneas | Ay, Greek, that is my name. |
Agamemnon | What’s your affair, I pray you? |
Aeneas | Sir, pardon; ’tis for Agamemnon’s ears. |
Agamemnon | He hears nought privately that comes from Troy. |
Aeneas |
Nor I from Troy come not to whisper him:
|
Agamemnon |
Speak frankly as the wind;
|
Aeneas |
Trumpet, blow loud,
|
Agamemnon |
This shall be told our lovers, Lord Aeneas;
|
Nestor |
Tell him of Nestor, one that was a man
|
Aeneas | Now heavens forbid such scarcity of youth! |
Ulysses | Amen. |
Agamemnon |
Fair Lord Aeneas, let me touch your hand;
|
Ulysses | Nestor! |
Nestor | What says Ulysses? |
Ulysses |
I have a young conception in my brain;
|
Nestor | What is’t? |
Ulysses |
This ’tis:
|
Nestor | Well, and how? |
Ulysses |
This challenge that the gallant Hector sends,
|
Nestor |
The purpose is perspicuous even as substance,
|
Ulysses | And wake him to the answer, think you? |
Nestor |
Yes, ’tis most meet: whom may you else oppose,
|
Ulysses |
Give pardon to my speech:
|
Nestor | I see them not with my old eyes: what are they? |
Ulysses |
What glory our Achilles shares from Hector,
|
Nestor |
Ulysses,
|
Act II
Scene I
A part of the Grecian camp.
Enter Ajax and Thersites. | |
Ajax | Thersites! |
Thersites | Agamemnon, how if he had boils? full, all over, generally? |
Ajax | Thersites! |
Thersites | And those boils did run? say so: did not the general run then? were not that a botchy core? |
Ajax | Dog! |
Thersites | Then would come some matter from him; I see none now. |
Ajax | Thou bitch-wolf’s son, canst thou not hear? Beating him. Feel, then. |
Thersites | The plague of Greece upon thee, thou mongrel beef-witted lord! |
Ajax | Speak then, thou vinewedst leaven, speak: I will beat thee into handsomeness. |
Thersites | I shall sooner rail thee into wit and holiness: but, I think, thy horse will sooner con an oration than thou learn a prayer without book. Thou canst strike, canst thou? a red murrain o’ thy jade’s tricks! |
Ajax | Toadstool, learn me the proclamation. |
Thersites | Dost thou think I have no sense, thou strikest me thus? |
Ajax | The proclamation! |
Thersites | Thou art proclaimed a fool, I think. |
Ajax | Do not, porpentine, do not: my fingers itch. |
Thersites | I would thou didst itch from head to foot and I had the scratching of thee; I would make thee the loathsomest scab in Greece. When thou art forth in the incursions, thou strikest as slow as another. |
Ajax | I say, the proclamation! |
Thersites | Thou grumblest and railest every hour on Achilles, and thou art as full of envy at his greatness as Cerberus is at Proserpine’s beauty, ay, that thou barkest at him. |
Ajax | Mistress Thersites! |
Thersites | Thou shouldest strike him. |
Ajax | Cobloaf! |
Thersites | He would pun thee into shivers with his fist, as a sailor breaks a biscuit. |
Ajax | Beating him. You whoreson cur! |
Thersites | Do, do. |
Ajax | Thou stool for a witch! |
Thersites | Ay, do, do; thou sodden-witted lord! thou hast no more brain than I have in mine elbows; an assinego may tutor thee: thou scurvy-valiant ass! thou art here but to thrash Trojans; and thou art bought and sold among those of any wit, like a barbarian slave. If thou use to beat me, I will begin at thy heel, and tell what thou art by inches, thou thing of no bowels, thou! |
Ajax | You dog! |
Thersites | You scurvy lord! |
Ajax | Beating him. You cur! |
Thersites | Mars his idiot! do, rudeness; do, camel; do, do. |
Enter Achilles and Patroclus. | |
Achilles | Why, how now, Ajax! wherefore do you thus? How now, Thersites! what’s the matter, man? |
Thersites | You see him there, do you? |
Achilles | Ay; what’s the matter? |
Thersites | Nay, look upon him. |
Achilles | So I do: what’s the matter? |
Thersites | Nay, but regard him well. |
Achilles | “Well!” why, I do so. |
Thersites | But yet you look not well upon him; for, whosoever you take him to be, he is Ajax. |
Achilles | I know that, fool. |
Thersites | Ay, but that fool knows not himself. |
Ajax | Therefore I beat thee. |
Thersites | Lo, lo, lo, lo, what modicums of wit he utters! his evasions have ears thus long. I have bobbed his brain more than he has beat my bones: I will buy nine sparrows for a penny, and his pia mater is not worth the nineth part of a sparrow. This lord, Achilles, Ajax, who wears his wit in his belly and his guts in his head, I’ll tell you what I say of him. |
Achilles | What? |
Thersites | I say, this Ajax—Ajax offers to beat him. |
Achilles | Nay, good Ajax. |
Thersites | Has not so much wit— |
Achilles | Nay, I must hold you. |
Thersites | As will stop the eye of Helen’s needle, for whom he comes to fight. |
Achilles | Peace, fool! |
Thersites | I would have peace and quietness, but the fool will not: he there: that he: look you there. |
Ajax | O thou damned cur! I shall— |
Achilles | Will you set your wit to a fool’s? |
Thersites | No, I warrant you; for a fools will shame it. |
Patroclus | Good words, Thersites. |
Achilles | What’s the quarrel? |
Ajax | I bade the vile owl go learn me the tenour of the proclamation, and he rails upon me. |
Thersites | I serve thee not. |
Ajax | Well, go to, go to. |
Thersites | I serve here voluntary. |
Achilles | Your last service was sufferance, ’twas not voluntary: no man is beaten voluntary: Ajax was here the voluntary, and you as under an impress. |
Thersites | E’en so; a great deal of your wit, too, lies in your sinews, or else there be liars. Hector have a great catch, if he knock out either of your brains: a’ were as good crack a fusty nut with no kernel. |
Achilles | What, with me too, Thersites? |
Thersites | There’s Ulysses and old Nestor, whose wit was mouldy ere your grandsires had nails on their toes, yoke you like draught-oxen and make you plough up the wars. |
Achilles | What, what? |
Thersites | Yes, good sooth: to, Achilles! to, Ajax! to! |
Ajax | I shall cut out your tongue. |
Thersites | ’Tis no matter; I shall speak as much as thou afterwards. |
Patroclus | No more words, Thersites; peace! |
Thersites | I will hold my peace when Achilles’ brach bids me, shall I? |
Achilles | There’s for you, Patroclus. |
Thersites | I will see you hanged, like clotpoles, ere I come any more to your tents: I will keep where there is wit stirring and leave the faction of fools. Exit. |
Patroclus | A good riddance. |
Achilles |
Marry, this, sir, is proclaim’d through all our host:
|
Ajax | Farewell. Who shall answer him? |
Achilles |
I know not: ’tis put to lottery; otherwise
|
Ajax | O, meaning you. I will go learn more of it. Exeunt. |
Scene II
Troy. A room in Priam’s palace.
Enter Priam, Hector, Troilus, Paris, and Helenus. | |
Priam |
After so many hours, lives, speeches spent,
|
Hector |
Though no man lesser fears the Greeks than I
|
Troilus |
Fie, fie, my brother!
|
Helenus |
No marvel, though you bite so sharp at reasons,
|
Troilus |
You are for dreams and slumbers, brother priest;
|
Hector |
Brother, she is not worth what she doth cost
|
Troilus | What is aught, but as ’tis valued? |
Hector |
But value dwells not in particular will;
|
Troilus |
I take to-day a wife, and my election
|
Cassandra | Within. Cry, Trojans, cry! |
Priam | What noise? what shriek is this? |
Troilus | ’Tis our mad sister, I do know her voice. |
Cassandra | Within. Cry, Trojans! |
Hector | It is Cassandra. |
Enter Cassandra, raving. | |
Cassandra |
Cry, Trojans, cry! lend me ten thousand eyes,
|
Hector | Peace, sister, peace! |
Cassandra |
Virgins and boys, mid-age and wrinkled eld,
|
Hector |
Now, youthful Troilus, do not these high strains
|
Troilus |
Why, brother Hector,
|
Paris |
Else might the world convince of levity
|
Priam |
Paris, you speak
|
Paris |
Sir, I propose not merely to myself
|
Hector |
Paris and Troilus, you have both said well,
|
Troilus |
Why, there you touch’d the life of our design:
|
Hector |
I am yours,
|
Scene III
The Grecian camp. Before Achilles’ tent.
Enter Thersites, solus. | |
Thersites | How now, Thersites! what, lost in the labyrinth of thy fury! Shall the elephant Ajax carry it thus? He beats me, and I rail at him: O, worthy satisfaction! would it were otherwise; that I could beat him, whilst he railed at me. ’Sfoot, I’ll learn to conjure and raise devils, but I’ll see some issue of my spiteful execrations. Then there’s Achilles, a rare enginer! If Troy be not taken till these two undermine it, the walls will stand till they fall of themselves. O thou great thunder-darter of Olympus, forget that thou art Jove, the king of gods, and, Mercury, lose all the serpentine craft of thy caduceus, if ye take not that little little less than little wit from them that they have! which short-armed ignorance itself knows is so abundant scarce, it will not in circumvention deliver a fly from a spider, without drawing their massy irons and cutting the web. After this, the vengeance on the whole camp! or rather, the bone-ache! for that, methinks, is the curse dependent on those that war for a placket. I have said my prayers and devil Envy say Amen. What ho! my Lord Achilles! |
Enter Patroclus. | |
Patroclus | Who’s there? Thersites! Good Thersites, come in and rail. |
Thersites | If I could have remembered a gilt counterfeit, thou wouldst not have slipped out of my contemplation: but it is no matter; thyself upon thyself! The common curse of mankind, folly and ignorance, be thine in great revenue! heaven bless thee from a tutor, and discipline come not near thee! Let thy blood be thy direction till thy death! then if she that lays thee out says thou art a fair corse, I’ll be sworn and sworn upon’t she never shrouded any but lazars. Amen. Where’s Achilles? |
Patroclus | What, art thou devout? wast thou in prayer? |
Thersites | Ay: the heavens hear me! |
Enter Achilles. | |
Achilles | Who’s there? |
Patroclus | Thersites, my lord. |
Achilles | Where, where? Art thou come? why, my cheese, my digestion, why hast thou not served thyself in to my table so many meals? Come, what’s Agamemnon? |
Thersites | Thy commander, Achilles. Then tell me, Patroclus, what’s Achilles? |
Patroclus | Thy lord, Thersites: then tell me, I pray thee, what’s thyself? |
Thersites | Thy knower, Patroclus: then tell me, Patroclus, what art thou? |
Patroclus | Thou mayst tell that knowest. |
Achilles | O, tell, tell. |
Thersites | I’ll decline the whole question. Agamemnon commands Achilles; Achilles is my lord; I am Patroclus’ knower, and Patroclus is a fool. |
Patroclus | You rascal! |
Thersites | Peace, fool! I have not done. |
Achilles | He is a privileged man. Proceed, Thersites. |
Thersites | Agamemnon is a fool; Achilles is a fool; Thersites is a fool, and, as aforesaid, Patroclus is a fool. |
Achilles | Derive this; come. |
Thersites | Agamemnon is a fool to offer to command Achilles; Achilles is a fool to be commanded of Agamemnon; Thersites is a fool to serve such a fool, and Patroclus is a fool positive. |
Patroclus | Why am I a fool? |
Thersites | Make that demand of the prover. It suffices me thou art. Look you, who comes here? |
Achilles | Patroclus, I’ll speak with nobody. Come in with me, Thersites. Exit. |
Thersites | Here is such patchery, such juggling and such knavery! all the argument is a cuckold and a whore; a good quarrel to draw emulous factions and bleed to death upon. Now, the dry serpigo on the subject! and war and lechery confound all! Exit. |
Enter Agamemnon, Ulysses, Nestor, Diomedes, and Ajax. | |
Agamemnon | Where is Achilles? |
Patroclus | Within his tent; but ill disposed, my lord. |
Agamemnon |
Let it be known to him that we are here.
|
Patroclus | I shall say so to him. Exit. |
Ulysses |
We saw him at the opening of his tent:
|
Ajax | Yes, lion-sick, sick of proud heart: you may call it melancholy, if you will favour the man; but, by my head, ’tis pride: but why, why? let him show us the cause. A word, my lord. Takes Agamemnon aside. |
Nestor | What moves Ajax thus to bay at him? |
Ulysses | Achilles hath inveigled his fool from him. |
Nestor | Who, Thersites? |
Ulysses | He. |
Nestor | Then will Ajax lack matter, if he have lost his argument. |
Ulysses | No, you see, he is his argument that has his argument, Achilles. |
Nestor | All the better; their fraction is more our wish than their faction: but it was a strong composure a fool could disunite. |
Ulysses | The amity that wisdom knits not, folly may easily untie. Here comes Patroclus. |
Re-enter Patroclus. | |
Nestor | No Achilles with him. |
Ulysses | The elephant hath joints, but none for courtesy: his legs are legs for necessity, not for flexure. |
Patroclus |
Achilles bids me say, he is much sorry,
|
Agamemnon |
Hear you, Patroclus:
|
Patroclus | I shall; and bring his answer presently. Exit. |
Agamemnon |
In second voice we’ll not be satisfied;
|
Ajax | What is he more than another? |
Agamemnon | No more than what he thinks he is. |
Ajax | Is he so much? Do you not think he thinks himself a better man than I am? |
Agamemnon | No question. |
Ajax | Will you subscribe his thought, and say he is? |
Agamemnon | No, noble Ajax; you are as strong, as valiant, as wise, no less noble, much more gentle, and altogether more tractable. |
Ajax | Why should a man be proud? How doth pride grow? I know not what pride is. |
Agamemnon | Your mind is the clearer, Ajax, and your virtues the fairer. He that is proud eats up himself: pride is his own glass, his own trumpet, his own chronicle; and whatever praises itself but in the deed, devours the deed in the praise. |
Ajax | I do hate a proud man, as I hate the engendering of toads. |
Nestor | Yet he loves himself: is’t not strange? Aside. |
Re-enter Ulysses. | |
Ulysses | Achilles will not to the field to-morrow. |
Agamemnon | What’s his excuse? |
Ulysses |
He doth rely on none,
|
Agamemnon |
Why will he not upon our fair request
|
Ulysses |
Things small as nothing, for request’s sake only,
|
Agamemnon |
Let Ajax go to him.
|
Ulysses |
O Agamemnon, let it not be so!
|
Nestor | Aside to Diomedes. O, this is well; he rubs the vein of him. |
Diomedes | Aside to Nestor. And how his silence drinks up this applause! |
Ajax |
If I go to him, with my armed fist
|
Agamemnon | O, no, you shall not go. |
Ajax |
An a’ be proud with me, I’ll pheeze his pride:
|
Ulysses | Not for the worth that hangs upon our quarrel. |
Ajax | A paltry, insolent fellow! |
Nestor | How he describes himself! |
Ajax | Can he not be sociable? |
Ulysses | The raven chides blackness. |
Ajax | I’ll let his humours blood. |
Agamemnon | He will be the physician that should be the patient. |
Ajax | An all men were o’ my mind— |
Ulysses | Wit would be out of fashion. |
Ajax | A’ should not bear it so, a’ should eat swords first: shall pride carry it? |
Nestor | An ’twould, you’ld carry half. |
Ulysses | A’ would have ten shares. |
Ajax | I will knead him; I’ll make him supple. |
Nestor | He’s not yet through warm: force him with praises: pour in, pour in; his ambition is dry. |
Ulysses | To Agamemnon. My lord, you feed too much on this dislike. |
Nestor | Our noble general, do not do so. |
Diomedes | You must prepare to fight without Achilles. |
Ulysses |
Why, ’tis this naming of him does him harm.
|
Nestor |
Wherefore should you so?
|
Ulysses | Know the whole world, he is as valiant. |
Ajax |
A whoreson dog, that shall pelter thus with us!
|
Nestor | What a vice were it in Ajax now— |
Ulysses | If he were proud— |
Diomedes | Or covetous of praise— |
Ulysses | Ay, or surly borne— |
Diomedes | Or strange, or self-affected! |
Ulysses |
Thank the heavens, lord, thou art of sweet composure;
|
Ajax | Shall I call you father? |
Nestor | Ay, my good son. |
Diomedes | Be ruled by him, Lord Ajax. |
Ulysses |
There is no tarrying here; the hart Achilles
|
Agamemnon |
Go we to council. Let Achilles sleep:
|
Act III
Scene I
Troy. Priam’s palace.
Enter a Servant and Pandarus. | |
Pandarus | Friend, you! pray you, a word: do not you follow the young Lord Paris? |
Servant | Ay, sir, when he goes before me. |
Pandarus | You depend upon him, I mean? |
Servant | Sir, I do depend upon the lord. |
Pandarus | You depend upon a noble gentleman; I must needs praise him. |
Servant | The lord be praised! |
Pandarus | You know me, do you not? |
Servant | Faith, sir, superficially. |
Pandarus | Friend, know me better; I am the Lord Pandarus. |
Servant | I hope I shall know your honour better. |
Pandarus | I do desire it. |
Servant | You are in the state of grace. |
Pandarus | Grace! not so, friend; honour and lordship are my titles. Music within. What music is this? |
Servant | I do but partly know, sir: it is music in parts. |
Pandarus | Know you the musicians? |
Servant | Wholly, sir. |
Pandarus | Who play they to? |
Servant | To the hearers, sir. |
Pandarus | At whose pleasure, friend |
Servant | At mine, sir, and theirs that love music. |
Pandarus | Command, I mean, friend. |
Servant | Who shall I command, sir? |
Pandarus | Friend, we understand not one another: I am too courtly and thou art too cunning. At whose request do these men play? |
Servant | That’s to’t indeed, sir: marry, sir, at the request of Paris my lord, who’s there in person; with him, the mortal Venus, the heart-blood of beauty, love’s invisible soul— |
Pandarus | Who, my cousin Cressida? |
Servant | No, sir, Helen: could you not find out that by her attributes? |
Pandarus | It should seem, fellow, that thou hast not seen the Lady Cressida. I come to speak with Paris from the Prince Troilus: I will make a complimental assault upon him, for my business seethes. |
Servant | Sodden business! there’s a stewed phrase indeed! |
Enter Paris and Helen, attended. | |
Pandarus | Fair be to you, my lord, and to all this fair company! fair desires, in all fair measure, fairly guide them! especially to you, fair queen! fair thoughts be your fair pillow! |
Helen | Dear lord, you are full of fair words. |
Pandarus | You speak your fair pleasure, sweet queen. Fair prince, here is good broken music. |
Paris | You have broke it, cousin: and, by my life, you shall make it whole again; you shall piece it out with a piece of your performance. Nell, he is full of harmony. |
Pandarus | Truly, lady, no. |
Helen | O, sir— |
Pandarus | Rude, in sooth; in good sooth, very rude. |
Paris | Well said, my lord! well, you say so in fits. |
Pandarus | I have business to my lord, dear queen. My lord, will you vouchsafe me a word? |
Helen | Nay, this shall not hedge us out: we’ll hear you sing, certainly. |
Pandarus | Well, sweet queen, you are pleasant with me. But, marry, thus, my lord: my dear lord and most esteemed friend, your brother Troilus— |
Helen | My Lord Pandarus; honey-sweet lord— |
Pandarus | Go to, sweet queen, to go:—commends himself most affectionately to you— |
Helen | You shall not bob us out of our melody: if you do, our melancholy upon your head! |
Pandarus | Sweet queen, sweet queen! that’s a sweet queen, i’ faith. |
Helen | And to make a sweet lady sad is a sour offence. |
Pandarus | Nay, that shall not serve your turn; that shall not, in truth, la. Nay, I care not for such words; no, no. And, my lord, he desires you, that if the king call for him at supper, you will make his excuse. |
Helen | My Lord Pandarus— |
Pandarus | What says my sweet queen, my very very sweet queen? |
Paris | What exploit’s in hand? where sups he to-night? |
Helen | Nay, but, my lord— |
Pandarus | What says my sweet queen? My cousin will fall out with you. You must not know where he sups. |
Paris | I’ll lay my life, with my disposer Cressida. |
Pandarus | No, no, no such matter; you are wide: come, your disposer is sick. |
Paris | Well, I’ll make excuse. |
Pandarus | Ay, good my lord. Why should you say Cressida? no, your poor disposer’s sick. |
Paris | I spy. |
Pandarus | You spy! what do you spy? Come, give me an instrument. Now, sweet queen. |
Helen | Why, this is kindly done. |
Pandarus | My niece is horribly in love with a thing you have, sweet queen. |
Helen | She shall have it, my lord, if it be not my lord Paris. |
Pandarus | He! no, she’ll none of him; they two are twain. |
Helen | Falling in, after falling out, may make them three. |
Pandarus | Come, come, I’ll hear no more of this; I’ll sing you a song now. |
Helen | Ay, ay, prithee now. By my troth, sweet lord, thou hast a fine forehead. |
Pandarus | Ay, you may, you may. |
Helen | Let thy song be love: this love will undo us all. O Cupid, Cupid, Cupid! |
Pandarus | Love! ay, that it shall, i’ faith. |
Paris | Ay, good now, love, love, nothing but love. |
Pandarus |
In good troth, it begins so. Sings.
Heigh-ho! |
Helen | In love, i’ faith, to the very tip of the nose. |
Paris | He eats nothing but doves, love, and that breeds hot blood, and hot blood begets hot thoughts, and hot thoughts beget hot deeds, and hot deeds is love. |
Pandarus | Is this the generation of love? hot blood, hot thoughts, and hot deeds? Why, they are vipers: is love a generation of vipers? Sweet lord, who’s afield to-day? |
Paris | Hector, Deiphobus, Helenus, Antenor, and all the gallantry of Troy: I would fain have armed to-day, but my Nell would not have it so. How chance my brother Troilus went not? |
Helen | He hangs the lip at something: you know all, Lord Pandarus. |
Pandarus | Not I, honey-sweet queen. I long to hear how they sped to-day. You’ll remember your brother’s excuse? |
Paris | To a hair. |
Pandarus | Farewell, sweet queen. |
Helen | Commend me to your niece. |
Pandarus | I will, sweet queen. Exit. A retreat sounded. |
Paris |
They’re come from field: let us to Priam’s hall,
|
Helen |
’Twill make us proud to be his servant, Paris;
|
Paris | Sweet, above thought I love thee. Exeunt. |
Scene II
The same. Pandarus’ orchard.
Enter Pandarus and Troilus’ Boy, meeting. | |
Pandarus | How now! where’s thy master? at my cousin Cressida’s? |
Boy | No, sir; he stays for you to conduct him thither. |
Pandarus | O, here he comes. |
Enter Troilus. | |
How now, how now! | |
Troilus | Sirrah, walk off. Exit Boy. |
Pandarus | Have you seen my cousin? |
Troilus |
No, Pandarus: I stalk about her door,
|
Pandarus | Walk here i’ the orchard, I’ll bring her straight. Exit. |
Troilus |
I am giddy; expectation whirls me round.
|
Re-enter Pandarus. | |
Pandarus | She’s making her ready, she’ll come straight: you must be witty now. She does so blush, and fetches her wind so short, as if she were frayed with a sprite: I’ll fetch her. It is the prettiest villain: she fetches her breath as short as a new-ta’en sparrow. Exit. |
Troilus |
Even such a passion doth embrace my bosom:
|
Re-enter Pandarus with Cressida. | |
Pandarus | Come, come, what need you blush? shame’s a baby. Here she is now: swear the oaths now to her that you have sworn to me. What, are you gone again? you must be watched ere you be made tame, must you? Come your ways, come your ways; an you draw backward, we’ll put you i’ the fills. Why do you not speak to her? Come, draw this curtain, and let’s see your picture. Alas the day, how loath you are to offend daylight! an ’twere dark, you’ld close sooner. So, so; rub on, and kiss the mistress. How now! a kiss in fee-farm! build there, carpenter; the air is sweet. Nay, you shall fight your hearts out ere I part you. The falcon as the tercel, for all the ducks i’ the river: go to, go to. |
Troilus | You have bereft me of all words, lady. |
Pandarus | Words pay no debts, give her deeds: but she’ll bereave you o’ the deeds too, if she call your activity in question. What, billing again? Here’s “In witness whereof the parties interchangeably”—Come in, come in: I’ll go get a fire. Exit. |
Cressida | Will you walk in, my lord? |
Troilus | O Cressida, how often have I wished me thus! |
Cressida | Wished, my lord! The gods grant—O my lord! |
Troilus | What should they grant? what makes this pretty abruption? What too curious dreg espies my sweet lady in the fountain of our love? |
Cressida | More dregs than water, if my fears have eyes. |
Troilus | Fears make devils of cherubins; they never see truly. |
Cressida | Blind fear, that seeing reason leads, finds safer footing than blind reason stumbling without fear: to fear the worst oft cures the worse. |
Troilus | O, let my lady apprehend no fear: in all Cupid’s pageant there is presented no monster. |
Cressida | Nor nothing monstrous neither? |
Troilus | Nothing, but our undertakings; when we vow to weep seas, live in fire, eat rocks, tame tigers; thinking it harder for our mistress to devise imposition enough than for us to undergo any difficulty imposed. This is the monstruosity in love, lady, that the will is infinite and the execution confined, that the desire is boundless and the act a slave to limit. |
Cressida | They say all lovers swear more performance than they are able and yet reserve an ability that they never perform, vowing more than the perfection of ten and discharging less than the tenth part of one. They that have the voice of lions and the act of hares, are they not monsters? |
Troilus | Are there such? such are not we: praise us as we are tasted, allow us as we prove; our head shall go bare till merit crown it: no perfection in reversion shall have a praise in present: we will not name desert before his birth, and, being born, his addition shall be humble. Few words to fair faith: Troilus shall be such to Cressid as what envy can say worst shall be a mock for his truth, and what truth can speak truest not truer than Troilus. |
Cressida | Will you walk in, my lord? |
Re-enter Pandarus. | |
Pandarus | What, blushing still? have you not done talking yet? |
Cressida | Well, uncle, what folly I commit, I dedicate to you. |
Pandarus | I thank you for that: if my lord get a boy of you, you’ll give him me. Be true to my lord: if he flinch, chide me for it. |
Troilus | You know now your hostages; your uncle’s word and my firm faith. |
Pandarus | Nay, I’ll give my word for her too: our kindred, though they be long ere they are wooed, they are constant being won: they are burs, I can tell you; they’ll stick where they are thrown. |
Cressida |
Boldness comes to me now, and brings me heart.
|
Troilus | Why was my Cressid then so hard to win? |
Cressida |
Hard to seem won: but I was won, my lord,
|
Troilus | And shall, albeit sweet music issues thence. |
Pandarus | Pretty, i’ faith. |
Cressida |
My lord, I do beseech you, pardon me;
|
Troilus | Your leave, sweet Cressid! |
Pandarus | Leave! an you take leave till to-morrow morning— |
Cressida | Pray you, content you. |
Troilus | What offends you, lady? |
Cressida | Sir, mine own company. |
Troilus |
You cannot shun
|
Cressida |
Let me go and try:
|
Troilus | Well know they what they speak that speak so wisely. |
Cressida |
Perchance, my lord, I show more craft than love;
|
Troilus |
O that I thought it could be in a woman—
|
Cressida | In that I’ll war with you. |
Troilus |
O virtuous fight,
|
Cressida |
Prophet may you be!
|
Pandarus | Go to, a bargain made: seal it, seal it; I’ll be the witness. Here I hold your hand, here my cousin’s. If ever you prove false one to another, since I have taken such pains to bring you together, let all pitiful goers-between be called to the world’s end after my name; call them all Pandars; let all constant men be Troiluses, all false women Cressids, and all brokers-between Pandars! say, amen. |
Troilus | Amen. |
Cressida | Amen. |
Pandarus |
Amen. Whereupon I will show you a chamber with a bed; which bed, because it shall not speak of your pretty encounters, press it to death: away!
And Cupid grant all tongue-tied maidens here
|
Scene III
The Grecian camp. Before Achilles’ tent.
Enter Agamemnon, Ulysses, Diomedes, Nestor, Ajax, Menelaus, and Calchas. | |
Calchas |
Now, princes, for the service I have done you,
|
Agamemnon | What wouldst thou of us, Trojan? make demand. |
Calchas |
You have a Trojan prisoner, call’d Antenor,
|
Agamemnon |
Let Diomedes bear him,
|
Diomedes |
This shall I undertake; and ’tis a burden
|
Enter Achilles and Patroclus, before their tent. | |
Ulysses |
Achilles stands i’ the entrance of his tent:
|
Agamemnon |
We’ll execute your purpose, and put on
|
Achilles |
What, comes the general to speak with me?
|
Agamemnon | What says Achilles? would he aught with us? |
Nestor | Would you, my lord, aught with the general? |
Achilles | No. |
Nestor | Nothing, my lord. |
Agamemnon | The better. Exeunt Agamemnon and Nestor. |
Achilles | Good day, good day. |
Menelaus | How do you? how do you? Exit. |
Achilles | What, does the cuckold scorn me? |
Ajax | How now, Patroclus! |
Achilles | Good morrow, Ajax. |
Ajax | Ha? |
Achilles | Good morrow. |
Ajax | Ay, and good next day too. Exit. |
Achilles | What mean these fellows? Know they not Achilles? |
Patroclus |
They pass by strangely: they were used to bend,
|
Achilles |
What, am I poor of late?
|
Ulysses | Now, great Thetis’ son! |
Achilles | What are you reading? |
Ulysses |
A strange fellow here
|
Achilles |
This is not strange, Ulysses.
|
Ulysses |
I do not strain at the position—
|
Achilles |
I do believe it; for they pass’d by me
|
Ulysses |
Time hath, my lord, a wallet at his back,
|
Achilles |
Of this my privacy
|
Ulysses |
But ’gainst your privacy
|
Achilles | Ha! known! |
Ulysses |
Is that a wonder?
|
Patroclus |
To this effect, Achilles, have I moved you:
|
Achilles | Shall Ajax fight with Hector? |
Patroclus | Ay, and perhaps receive much honour by him. |
Achilles |
I see my reputation is at stake;
|
Patroclus |
O, then, beware;
|
Achilles |
Go call Thersites hither, sweet Patroclus:
|
Enter Thersites. | |
A labour saved! | |
Thersites | A wonder! |
Achilles | What? |
Thersites | Ajax goes up and down the field, asking for himself. |
Achilles | How so? |
Thersites | He must fight singly to-morrow with Hector, and is so prophetically proud of an heroical cudgelling that he raves in saying nothing. |
Achilles | How can that be? |
Thersites | Why, he stalks up and down like a peacock—a stride and a stand: ruminates like an hostess that hath no arithmetic but her brain to set down her reckoning: bites his lip with a politic regard, as who should say “There were wit in this head, an ’twould out;” and so there is, but it lies as coldly in him as fire in a flint, which will not show without knocking. The man’s undone forever; for if Hector break not his neck i’ the combat, he’ll break’t himself in vain-glory. He knows not me: I said “Good morrow, Ajax;” and he replies “Thanks, Agamemnon.” What think you of this man that takes me for the general? He’s grown a very land-fish, languageless, a monster. A plague of opinion! a man may wear it on both sides, like a leather jerkin. |
Achilles | Thou must be my ambassador to him, Thersites. |
Thersites | Who, I? why, he’ll answer nobody; he professes not answering: speaking is for beggars; he wears his tongue in’s arms. I will put on his presence: let Patroclus make demands to me, you shall see the pageant of Ajax. |
Achilles | To him, Patroclus; tell him I humbly desire the valiant Ajax to invite the most valorous Hector to come unarmed to my tent, and to procure safe-conduct for his person of the magnanimous and most illustrious six-or-seven-times-honoured captain-general of the Grecian army, Agamemnon, et cetera. Do this. |
Patroclus | Jove bless great Ajax! |
Thersites | Hum! |
Patroclus | I come from the worthy Achilles— |
Thersites | Ha! |
Patroclus | Who most humbly desires you to invite Hector to his tent— |
Thersites | Hum! |
Patroclus | And to procure safe-conduct from Agamemnon. |
Thersites | Agamemnon! |
Patroclus | Ay, my lord. |
Thersites | Ha! |
Patroclus | What say you to’t? |
Thersites | God b’ wi’ you, with all my heart. |
Patroclus | Your answer, sir. |
Thersites | If to-morrow be a fair day, by eleven o’clock it will go one way or other: howsoever, he shall pay for me ere he has me. |
Patroclus | Your answer, sir. |
Thersites | Fare you well, with all my heart. |
Achilles | Why, but he is not in this tune, is he? |
Thersites | No, but he’s out o’ tune thus. What music will be in him when Hector has knocked out his brains, I know not; but, I am sure, none, unless the fiddler Apollo get his sinews to make catlings on. |
Achilles | Come, thou shalt bear a letter to him straight. |
Thersites | Let me bear another to his horse; for that’s the more capable creature. |
Achilles |
My mind is troubled, like a fountain stirr’d;
|
Thersites | Would the fountain of your mind were clear again, that I might water an ass at it! I had rather be a tick in a sheep than such a valiant ignorance. Exit. |
Act IV
Scene I
Troy. A street.
Enter, from one side, Aeneas, and Servant with a torch; from the other, Paris, Deiphobus, Antenor, Diomedes, and others, with torches. | |
Paris | See, ho! who is that there? |
Deiphobus | It is the Lord Aeneas. |
Aeneas |
Is the prince there in person?
|
Diomedes | That’s my mind too. Good morrow, Lord Aeneas. |
Paris |
A valiant Greek, Aeneas—take his hand—
|
Aeneas |
Health to you, valiant sir,
|
Diomedes |
The one and other Diomed embraces.
|
Aeneas |
And thou shalt hunt a lion, that will fly
|
Diomedes |
We sympathise: Jove, let Aeneas live,
|
Aeneas | We know each other well. |
Diomedes | We do; and long to know each other worse. |
Paris |
This is the most despiteful gentle greeting,
|
Aeneas | I was sent for to the king; but why, I know not. |
Paris |
His purpose meets you: ’twas to bring this Greek
|
Aeneas |
That I assure you:
|
Paris |
There is no help;
|
Aeneas | Good morrow, all. Exit with Servant. |
Paris |
And tell me, noble Diomed, faith, tell me true,
|
Diomedes |
Both alike:
|
Paris | You are too bitter to your countrywoman. |
Diomedes |
She’s bitter to her country: hear me, Paris:
|
Paris |
Fair Diomed, you do as chapmen do,
|
Scene II
The same. Court of Pandarus’ house.
Enter Troilus and Cressida. | |
Troilus | Dear, trouble not yourself: the morn is cold. |
Cressida |
Then, sweet my lord, I’ll call mine uncle down;
|
Troilus |
Trouble him not;
|
Cressida | Good morrow, then. |
Troilus | I prithee now, to bed. |
Cressida | Are you a-weary of me? |
Troilus |
O Cressida! but that the busy day,
|
Cressida | Night hath been too brief. |
Troilus |
Beshrew the witch! with venomous wights she stays
|
Cressida |
Prithee, tarry:
|
Pandarus | Within. What, ’s all the doors open here? |
Troilus | It is your uncle. |
Cressida |
A pestilence on him! now will he be mocking:
|
Enter Pandarus. | |
Pandarus | How now, how now! how go maidenheads? Here, you maid! where’s my cousin Cressid? |
Cressida |
Go hang yourself, you naughty mocking uncle!
|
Pandarus | To do what? to do what? let her say what: what have I brought you to do? |
Cressida |
Come, come, beshrew your heart! you’ll ne’er be good,
|
Pandarus | Ha! ha! Alas, poor wretch! ah, poor capocchia! hast not slept to-night? would he not, a naughty man, let it sleep? a bugbear take him! |
Cressida |
Did not I tell you? Would he were knock’d i’ the head! Knocking within.
|
Troilus | Ha, ha! |
Cressida |
Come, you are deceived, I think of no such thing. Knocking within.
|
Pandarus | Who’s there? what’s the matter? will you beat down the door? How now! what’s the matter? |
Enter Aeneas. | |
Aeneas | Good morrow, lord, good morrow. |
Pandarus |
Who’s there? my Lord Aeneas! By my troth,
|
Aeneas | Is not Prince Troilus here? |
Pandarus | Here! what should he do here? |
Aeneas |
Come, he is here, my lord; do not deny him:
|
Pandarus | Is he here, say you? ’tis more than I know, I’ll be sworn: for my own part, I came in late. What should he do here? |
Aeneas | Who!—nay, then: come, come, you’ll do him wrong ere you’re ware: you’ll be so true to him, to be false to him: do not you know of him, but yet go fetch him hither; go. |
Re-enter Troilus. | |
Troilus | How now! what’s the matter? |
Aeneas |
My lord, I scarce have leisure to salute you,
|
Troilus | Is it so concluded? |
Aeneas |
By Priam and the general state of Troy:
|
Troilus |
How my achievements mock me!
|
Aeneas |
Good, good, my lord; the secrets of nature
|
Pandarus | Is’t possible? no sooner got but lost? The devil take Antenor! the young prince will go mad: a plague upon Antenor! I would they had broke ’s neck! |
Re-enter Cressida. | |
Cressida | How now! what’s the matter? who was here? |
Pandarus | Ah, ah! |
Cressida | Why sigh you so profoundly? where’s my lord? gone! Tell me, sweet uncle, what’s the matter? |
Pandarus | Would I were as deep under the earth as I am above! |
Cressida | O the gods! what’s the matter? |
Pandarus | Prithee, get thee in: would thou hadst ne’er been born! I knew thou wouldst be his death. O, poor gentleman! A plague upon Antenor! |
Cressida | Good uncle, I beseech you, on my knees I beseech you, what’s the matter? |
Pandarus | Thou must be gone, wench, thou must be gone; thou art changed for Antenor: thou must to thy father, and be gone from Troilus: ’twill be his death; ’twill be his bane; he cannot bear it. |
Cressida | O you immortal gods! I will not go. |
Pandarus | Thou must. |
Cressida |
I will not, uncle: I have forgot my father;
|
Pandarus | Do, do. |
Cressida |
Tear my bright hair and scratch my praised cheeks,
|
Scene III
The same. Street before Pandarus’ house.
Enter Paris, Troilus, Aeneas, Deiphobus, Antenor, and Diomedes. | |
Paris |
It is great morning, and the hour prefix’d
|
Troilus |
Walk into her house;
|
Paris |
I know what ’tis to love;
|
Scene IV
The same. Pandarus’ house.
Enter Pandarus and Cressida. | |
Pandarus | Be moderate, be moderate. |
Cressida |
Why tell you me of moderation?
|
Pandarus | Here, here, here he comes. |
Enter Troilus. | |
Ah, sweet ducks! | |
Cressida | O Troilus! Troilus! Embracing him. |
Pandarus |
What a pair of spectacles is here! Let me embrace too. “O heart,” as the goodly saying is,
“—O heart, heavy heart,
where he answers again,
“Because thou canst not ease thy smart
There was never a truer rhyme. Let us cast away nothing, for we may live to have need of such a verse: we see it, we see it. How now, lambs? |
Troilus |
Cressid, I love thee in so strain’d a purity,
|
Cressida | Have the gods envy? |
Pandarus | Ay, ay, ay, ay; ’tis too plain a case. |
Cressida | And is it true that I must go from Troy? |
Troilus | A hateful truth. |
Cressida | What, and from Troilus too? |
Troilus | From Troy and Troilus. |
Cressida | Is it possible? |
Troilus |
And suddenly; where injury of chance
|
Aeneas | Within. My lord, is the lady ready? |
Troilus |
Hark! you are call’d: some say the Genius so
|
Pandarus | Where are my tears? rain, to lay this wind, or my heart will be blown up by the root. Exit. |
Cressida | I must then to the Grecians? |
Troilus | No remedy. |
Cressida |
A woful Cressid ’mongst the merry Greeks!
|
Troilus | Hear me, my love: be thou but true of heart— |
Cressida | I true! how now! what wicked deem is this? |
Troilus |
Nay, we must use expostulation kindly,
|
Cressida |
O, you shall be exposed, my lord, to dangers
|
Troilus | And I’ll grow friend with danger. Wear this sleeve. |
Cressida | And you this glove. When shall I see you? |
Troilus |
I will corrupt the Grecian sentinels,
|
Cressida | O heavens! “be true” again! |
Troilus |
Hear while I speak it, love:
|
Cressida | O heavens! you love me not. |
Troilus |
Die I a villain, then!
|
Cressida | Do you think I will? |
Troilus |
No.
|
Aeneas | Within. Nay, good my lord— |
Troilus | Come, kiss; and let us part. |
Paris | Within. Brother Troilus! |
Troilus |
Good brother, come you hither;
|
Cressida | My lord, will you be true? |
Troilus |
Who, I? alas, it is my vice, my fault:
|
Enter Aeneas, Paris, Antenor, Deiphobus, and Diomedes. | |
Welcome, Sir Diomed! here is the lady
|
|
Diomedes |
Fair Lady Cressid,
|
Troilus |
Grecian, thou dost not use me courteously,
|
Diomedes |
O, be not moved, Prince Troilus:
|
Troilus |
Come, to the port. I’ll tell thee, Diomed,
|
Paris | Hark! Hector’s trumpet. |
Aeneas |
How have we spent this morning!
|
Paris | ’Tis Troilus’ fault: come, come, to field with him. |
Deiphobus | Let us make ready straight. |
Aeneas |
Yea, with a bridegroom’s fresh alacrity,
|
Scene V
The Grecian camp. Lists set out.
Enter Ajax, armed; Agamemnon, Achilles, Patroclus, Menelaus, Ulysses, Nestor, and others. | |
Agamemnon |
Here art thou in appointment fresh and fair,
|
Ajax |
Thou, trumpet, there’s my purse.
|
Ulysses | No trumpet answers. |
Achilles | ’Tis but early days. |
Agamemnon | Is not yond Diomed, with Calchas’ daughter? |
Ulysses |
’Tis he, I ken the manner of his gait;
|
Enter Diomedes, with Cressida. | |
Agamemnon | Is this the Lady Cressid? |
Diomedes | Even she. |
Agamemnon | Most dearly welcome to the Greeks, sweet lady. |
Nestor | Our general doth salute you with a kiss. |
Ulysses |
Yet is the kindness but particular;
|
Nestor |
And very courtly counsel: I’ll begin.
|
Achilles |
I’ll take what winter from your lips, fair lady:
|
Menelaus | I had good argument for kissing once. |
Patroclus |
But that’s no argument for kissing now;
|
Ulysses |
O deadly gall, and theme of all our scorns!
|
Patroclus |
The first was Menelaus’ kiss; this, mine:
|
Menelaus | O, this is trim! |
Patroclus | Paris and I kiss evermore for him. |
Menelaus | I’ll have my kiss, sir. Lady, by your leave. |
Cressida | In kissing, do you render or receive? |
Patroclus | Both take and give. |
Cressida |
I’ll make my match to live,
|
Menelaus | I’ll give you boot, I’ll give you three for one. |
Cressida | You’re an odd man; give even, or give none. |
Menelaus | An odd man, lady! every man is odd. |
Cressida |
No, Paris is not; for you know ’tis true,
|
Menelaus | You fillip me o’ the head. |
Cressida | No, I’ll be sworn. |
Ulysses |
It were no match, your nail against his horn.
|
Cressida | You may. |
Ulysses | I do desire it. |
Cressida | Why, beg, then. |
Ulysses |
Why then for Venus’ sake, give me a kiss,
|
Cressida | I am your debtor, claim it when ’tis due. |
Ulysses | Never’s my day, and then a kiss of you. |
Diomedes | Lady, a word: I’ll bring you to your father. Exit with Cressida. |
Nestor | A woman of quick sense. |
Ulysses |
Fie, fie upon her!
|
All | The Trojans’ trumpet. |
Agamemnon | Yonder comes the troop. |
Enter Hector, armed; Aeneas, Troilus, and other Trojans, with Attendants. | |
Aeneas |
Hail, all you state of Greece! what shall be done
|
Agamemnon | Which way would Hector have it? |
Aeneas | He cares not; he’ll obey conditions. |
Achilles |
’Tis done like Hector; but securely done,
|
Aeneas |
If not Achilles, sir,
|
Achilles | If not Achilles, nothing. |
Aeneas |
Therefore Achilles: but, whate’er, know this:
|
Achilles | A maiden battle, then? O, I perceive you. |
Re-enter Diomedes. | |
Agamemnon |
Here is Sir Diomed. Go, gentle knight,
|
Ulysses | They are opposed already. |
Agamemnon | What Trojan is that same that looks so heavy? |
Ulysses |
The youngest son of Priam, a true knight,
|
Agamemnon | They are in action. |
Nestor | Now, Ajax, hold thine own! |
Troilus |
Hector, thou sleep’st;
|
Agamemnon | His blows are well disposed: there, Ajax! |
Diomedes | You must no more. Trumpets cease. |
Aeneas | Princes, enough, so please you. |
Ajax | I am not warm yet; let us fight again. |
Diomedes | As Hector pleases. |
Hector |
Why, then will I no more:
|
Ajax |
I thank thee, Hector
|
Hector |
Not Neoptolemus so mirable,
|
Aeneas |
There is expectance here from both the sides,
|
Hector |
We’ll answer it;
|
Ajax |
If I might in entreaties find success—
|
Diomedes |
’Tis Agamemnon’s wish, and great Achilles
|
Hector |
Aeneas, call my brother Troilus to me,
|
Ajax | Great Agamemnon comes to meet us here. |
Hector |
The worthiest of them tell me name by name;
|
Agamemnon |
Worthy of arms! as welcome as to one
|
Hector | I thank thee, most imperious Agamemnon. |
Agamemnon | To Troilus. My well-famed lord of Troy, no less to you. |
Menelaus |
Let me confirm my princely brother’s greeting:
|
Hector | Who must we answer? |
Aeneas | The noble Menelaus. |
Hector |
O, you, my lord? by Mars his gauntlet, thanks!
|
Menelaus | Name her not now, sir; she’s a deadly theme. |
Hector | O, pardon; I offend. |
Nestor |
I have, thou gallant Trojan, seen thee oft
|
Aeneas | ’Tis the old Nestor. |
Hector |
Let me embrace thee, good old chronicle,
|
Nestor |
I would my arms could match thee in contention,
|
Hector | I would they could. |
Nestor |
Ha!
|
Ulysses |
I wonder now how yonder city stands
|
Hector |
I know your favour, Lord Ulysses, well.
|
Ulysses |
Sir, I foretold you then what would ensue:
|
Hector |
I must not believe you:
|
Ulysses |
So to him we leave it.
|
Achilles |
I shall forestall thee, Lord Ulysses, thou!
|
Hector | Is this Achilles? |
Achilles | I am Achilles. |
Hector | Stand fair, I pray thee: let me look on thee. |
Achilles | Behold thy fill. |
Hector | Nay, I have done already. |
Achilles |
Thou art too brief: I will the second time,
|
Hector |
O, like a book of sport thou’lt read me o’er;
|
Achilles |
Tell me, you heavens, in which part of his body
|
Hector |
It would discredit the blest gods, proud man,
|
Achilles | I tell thee, yea. |
Hector |
Wert thou an oracle to tell me so,
|
Ajax |
Do not chafe thee, cousin:
|
Hector |
I pray you, let us see you in the field:
|
Achilles |
Dost thou entreat me, Hector?
|
Hector | Thy hand upon that match. |
Agamemnon |
First, all you peers of Greece, go to my tent;
|
Troilus |
My Lord Ulysses, tell me, I beseech you,
|
Ulysses |
At Menelaus’ tent, most princely Troilus:
|
Troilus |
Shall I, sweet lord, be bound to you so much,
|
Ulysses |
You shall command me, sir.
|
Troilus |
O, sir, to such as boasting show their scars
|
Act V
Scene I
The Grecian camp. Before Achilles’ tent.
Enter Achilles and Patroclus. | |
Achilles |
I’ll heat his blood with Greekish wine to-night,
|
Patroclus | Here comes Thersites. |
Enter Thersites. | |
Achilles |
How now, thou core of envy!
|
Thersites | Why, thou picture of what thou seemest, and idol of idiot-worshippers, here’s a letter for thee. |
Achilles | From whence, fragment? |
Thersites | Why, thou full dish of fool, from Troy. |
Patroclus | Who keeps the tent now? |
Thersites | The surgeon’s box, or the patient’s wound. |
Patroclus | Well said, adversity! and what need these tricks? |
Thersites | Prithee, be silent, boy; I profit not by thy talk: thou art thought to be Achilles’ male varlet. |
Patroclus | Male varlet, you rogue! what’s that? |
Thersites | Why, his masculine whore. Now, the rotten diseases of the south, the guts-griping, ruptures, catarrhs, loads o’ gravel i’ the back, lethargies, cold palsies, raw eyes, dirt-rotten livers, wheezing lungs, bladders full of imposthume, sciaticas, limekilns i’ the palm, incurable bone-ache, and the rivelled fee-simple of the tetter, take and take again such preposterous discoveries! |
Patroclus | Why, thou damnable box of envy, thou, what meanest thou to curse thus? |
Thersites | Do I curse thee? |
Patroclus | Why, no, you ruinous butt, you whoreson indistinguishable cur, no. |
Thersites | No! why art thou then exasperate, thou idle immaterial skein of sleave-silk, thou green sarcenet flap for a sore eye, thou tassel of a prodigal’s purse, thou? Ah, how the poor world is pestered with such waterflies, diminutives of nature! |
Patroclus | Out, gall! |
Thersites | Finch-egg! |
Achilles |
My sweet Patroclus, I am thwarted quite
|
Thersites | With too much blood and too little brain, these two may run mad; but, if with too much brain and too little blood they do, I’ll be a curer of madmen. Here’s Agamemnon, an honest fellow enough and one that loves quails; but he has not so much brain as ear-wax: and the goodly transformation of Jupiter there, his brother, the bull—the primitive statue, and oblique memorial of cuckolds; a thrifty shoeing-horn in a chain, hanging at his brother’s leg—to what form but that he is, should wit larded with malice and malice forced with wit turn him to? To an ass, were nothing; he is both ass and ox: to an ox, were nothing; he is both ox and ass. To be a dog, a mule, a cat, a fitchew, a toad, a lizard, an owl, a puttock, or a herring without a roe, I would not care; but to be Menelaus! I would conspire against destiny. Ask me not what I would be, if I were not Thersites; for I care not to be the louse of a lazar, so I were not Menelaus. Hoy-day! spirits and fires! |
Enter Hector, Troilus, Ajax, Agamemnon, Ulysses, Nestor, Menelaus, and Diomedes, with lights. | |
Agamemnon | We go wrong, we go wrong. |
Ajax |
No, yonder ’tis;
|
Hector | I trouble you. |
Ajax | No, not a whit. |
Ulysses | Here comes himself to guide you. |
Re-enter Achilles. | |
Achilles | Welcome, brave Hector; welcome, princes all. |
Agamemnon |
So now, fair prince of Troy, I bid good night.
|
Hector | Thanks and good night to the Greeks’ general. |
Menelaus | Good night, my lord. |
Hector | Good night, sweet lord Menelaus. |
Thersites | Sweet draught: “sweet” quoth ’a! sweet sink, sweet sewer. |
Achilles |
Good night and welcome, both at once, to those
|
Agamemnon | Good night. Exeunt Agamemnon and Menelaus. |
Achilles |
Old Nestor tarries; and you too, Diomed,
|
Diomedes |
I cannot, lord; I have important business,
|
Hector | Give me your hand. |
Ulysses |
Aside to Troilus. Follow his torch; he goes to Calchas’ tent:
|
Troilus | Sweet sir, you honour me. |
Hector | And so, good night. Exit Diomedes; Ulysses and Troilus following. |
Achilles | Come, come, enter my tent. Exeunt Achilles, Hector, Ajax, and Nestor. |
Thersites | That same Diomed’s a false-hearted rogue, a most unjust knave; I will no more trust him when he leers than I will a serpent when he hisses: he will spend his mouth, and promise, like Brabbler the hound; but when he performs, astronomers foretell it; it is prodigious, there will come some change; the sun borrows of the moon, when Diomed keeps his word. I will rather leave to see Hector, than not to dog him: they say he keeps a Trojan drab, and uses the traitor Calchas’ tent: I’ll after. Nothing but lechery! all incontinent varlets! Exit. |
Scene II
The same. Before Calchas’ tent.
Enter Diomedes. | |
Diomedes | What, are you up here, ho? speak. |
Calchas | Within. Who calls? |
Diomedes | Calchas, I think. Where’s your daughter? |
Calchas | Within. She comes to you. |
Enter Troilus and Ulysses, at a distance; after them, Thersites. | |
Ulysses | Stand where the torch may not discover us. |
Enter Cressida. | |
Troilus | Cressid comes forth to him. |
Diomedes | How now, my charge! |
Cressida | Now, my sweet guardian! Hark, a word with you. Whispers. |
Troilus | Yea, so familiar! |
Ulysses | She will sing any man at first sight. |
Thersites | And any man may sing her, if he can take her cliff; she’s noted. |
Diomedes | Will you remember? |
Cressida | Remember! yes. |
Diomedes |
Nay, but do, then;
|
Troilus | What should she remember? |
Ulysses | List. |
Cressida | Sweet honey Greek, tempt me no more to folly. |
Thersites | Roguery! |
Diomedes | Nay, then— |
Cressida | I’ll tell you what— |
Diomedes | Foh, foh! come, tell a pin: you are forsworn. |
Cressida | In faith, I cannot: what would you have me do? |
Thersites | A juggling trick—to be secretly open. |
Diomedes | What did you swear you would bestow on me? |
Cressida |
I prithee, do not hold me to mine oath;
|
Diomedes | Good night. |
Troilus | Hold, patience! |
Ulysses | How now, Trojan! |
Cressida | Diomed— |
Diomedes | No, no, good night: I’ll be your fool no more. |
Troilus | Thy better must. |
Cressida | Hark, one word in your ear. |
Troilus | O plague and madness! |
Ulysses |
You are moved, prince; let us depart, I pray you,
|
Troilus | Behold, I pray you! |
Ulysses |
Nay, good my lord, go off:
|
Troilus | I pray thee, stay. |
Ulysses | You have not patience; come. |
Troilus |
I pray you, stay; by hell and all hell’s torments,
|
Diomedes | And so, good night. |
Cressida | Nay, but you part in anger. |
Troilus |
Doth that grieve thee?
|
Ulysses | Why, how now, lord! |
Troilus |
By Jove,
|
Cressida | Guardian!—why, Greek! |
Diomedes | Foh, foh! adieu; you palter. |
Cressida | In faith, I do not: come hither once again. |
Ulysses |
You shake, my lord, at something: will you go?
|
Troilus | She strokes his cheek! |
Ulysses | Come, come. |
Troilus |
Nay, stay; by Jove, I will not speak a word:
|
Thersites | How the devil Luxury, with his fat rump and potato-finger, tickles these together! Fry, lechery, fry! |
Diomedes | But will you, then? |
Cressida | In faith, I will, la; never trust me else. |
Diomedes | Give me some token for the surety of it. |
Cressida | I’ll fetch you one. Exit. |
Ulysses | You have sworn patience. |
Troilus |
Fear me not, sweet lord;
|
Re-enter Cressida. | |
Thersites | Now the pledge; now, now, now! |
Cressida | Here, Diomed, keep this sleeve. |
Troilus | O beauty! where is thy faith? |
Ulysses | My lord— |
Troilus | I will be patient; outwardly I will. |
Cressida |
You look upon that sleeve; behold it well.
|
Diomedes | Whose was’t? |
Cressida |
It is no matter, now I have’t again.
|
Thersites | Now she sharpens: well said, whetstone! |
Diomedes | I shall have it. |
Cressida | What, this? |
Diomedes | Ay, that. |
Cressida |
O, all you gods! O pretty, pretty pledge!
|
Diomedes | I had your heart before, this follows it. |
Troilus | I did swear patience. |
Cressida |
You shall not have it, Diomed; faith, you shall not;
|
Diomedes | I will have this: whose was it? |
Cressida | It is no matter. |
Diomedes | Come, tell me whose it was. |
Cressida |
’Twas one’s that loved me better than you will.
|
Diomedes | Whose was it? |
Cressida |
By all Diana’s waiting-women yond,
|
Diomedes |
To-morrow will I wear it on my helm,
|
Troilus |
Wert thou the devil, and worest it on thy horn,
|
Cressida |
Well, well, ’tis done, ’tis past: and yet it is not;
|
Diomedes |
Why, then, farewell;
|
Cressida |
You shall not go: one cannot speak a word,
|
Diomedes | I do not like this fooling. |
Thersites | Nor I, by Pluto: but that that likes not you pleases me best. |
Diomedes | What, shall I come? the hour? |
Cressida | Ay, come:—O Jove!—do come:—I shall be plagued. |
Diomedes | Farewell till then. |
Cressida |
Good night, I prithee, come. Exit Diomedes.
|
Thersites |
A proof of strength she could not publish more,
|
Ulysses | All’s done, my lord. |
Troilus | It is. |
Ulysses | Why stay we, then? |
Troilus |
To make a recordation to my soul
|
Ulysses | I cannot conjure, Trojan. |
Troilus | She was not, sure. |
Ulysses | Most sure she was. |
Troilus | Why, my negation hath no taste of madness. |
Ulysses | Nor mine, my lord: Cressid was here but now. |
Troilus |
Let it not be believed for womanhood!
|
Ulysses | What hath she done, prince, that can soil our mothers? |
Troilus | Nothing at all, unless that this were she. |
Thersites | Will he swagger himself out on’s own eyes? |
Troilus |
This she? no, this is Diomed’s Cressida:
|
Ulysses |
May worthy Troilus be half attach’d
|
Troilus |
Ay, Greek; and that shall be divulged well
|
Thersites | He’ll tickle it for his concupy. |
Troilus |
O Cressid! O false Cressid! false, false, false!
|
Ulysses |
O, contain yourself;
|
Enter Aeneas. | |
Aeneas |
I have been seeking you this hour, my lord:
|
Troilus |
Have with you, prince. My courteous lord, adieu.
|
Ulysses | I’ll bring you to the gates. |
Troilus | Accept distracted thanks. Exeunt Troilus, Aeneas, and Ulysses. |
Thersites | Would I could meet that rogue Diomed! I would croak like a raven; I would bode, I would bode. Patroclus will give me any thing for the intelligence of this whore: the parrot will not do more for an almond than he for a commodious drab. Lechery, lechery; still, wars and lechery; nothing else holds fashion: a burning devil take them! Exit. |
Scene III
Troy. Before Priam’s palace.
Enter Hector and Andromache. | |
Andromache |
When was my lord so much ungently temper’d,
|
Hector |
You train me to offend you; get you in:
|
Andromache | My dreams will, sure, prove ominous to the day. |
Hector | No more, I say. |
Enter Cassandra. | |
Cassandra | Where is my brother Hector? |
Andromache |
Here, sister; arm’d, and bloody in intent.
|
Cassandra | O, ’tis true. |
Hector | Ho! bid my trumpet sound. |
Cassandra | No notes of sally, for the heavens, sweet brother. |
Hector | Be gone, I say: the gods have heard me swear. |
Cassandra |
The gods are deaf to hot and peevish vows:
|
Andromache |
O, be persuaded! do not count it holy
|
Cassandra |
It is the purpose that makes strong the vow;
|
Hector |
Hold you still, I say;
|
Enter Troilus. | |
How now, young man! mean’st thou to fight to-day? | |
Andromache | Cassandra, call my father to persuade. Exit Cassandra. |
Hector |
No, faith, young Troilus; doff thy harness, youth;
|
Troilus |
Brother, you have a vice of mercy in you,
|
Hector | What vice is that, good Troilus? chide me for it. |
Troilus |
When many times the captive Grecian falls,
|
Hector | O, ’tis fair play. |
Troilus | Fool’s play, by heaven, Hector. |
Hector | How now! how now! |
Troilus |
For the love of all the gods,
|
Hector | Fie, savage, fie! |
Troilus | Hector, then ’tis wars. |
Hector | Troilus, I would not have you fight to-day. |
Troilus |
Who should withhold me?
|
Re-enter Cassandra, with Priam. | |
Cassandra |
Lay hold upon him, Priam, hold him fast:
|
Priam |
Come, Hector, come, go back:
|
Hector |
Aeneas is afield;
|
Priam | Ay, but thou shalt not go. |
Hector |
I must not break my faith.
|
Cassandra | O Priam, yield not to him! |
Andromache | Do not, dear father. |
Hector |
Andromache, I am offended with you:
|
Troilus |
This foolish, dreaming, superstitious girl
|
Cassandra |
O, farewell, dear Hector!
|
Troilus | Away! away! |
Cassandra |
Farewell: yet, soft! Hector, I take my leave:
|
Hector |
You are amazed, my liege, at her exclaim:
|
Priam | Farewell: the gods with safety stand about thee! Exeunt severally Priam and Hector. Alarums. |
Troilus |
They are at it, hark! Proud Diomed, believe,
|
Enter Pandarus. | |
Pandarus | Do you hear, my lord? do you hear? |
Troilus | What now? |
Pandarus | Here’s a letter come from yond poor girl. |
Troilus | Let me read. |
Pandarus | A whoreson tisick, a whoreson rascally tisick so troubles me, and the foolish fortune of this girl; and what one thing, what another, that I shall leave you one o’ these days: and I have a rheum in mine eyes too, and such an ache in my bones that, unless a man were cursed, I cannot tell what to think on’t. What says she there? |
Troilus |
Words, words, mere words, no matter from the heart:
|
Scene IV
Plains between Troy and the Grecian camp.
Alarums: excursions. Enter Thersites. | |
Thersites | Now they are clapper-clawing one another; I’ll go look on. That dissembling abominable varlets, Diomed, has got that same scurvy doting foolish young knave’s sleeve of Troy there in his helm: I would fain see them meet; that that same young Trojan ass, that loves the whore there, might send that Greekish whore-masterly villain, with the sleeve, back to the dissembling luxurious drab, of a sleeveless errand. O’ the t’other side, the policy of those crafty swearing rascals, that stale old mouse-eaten dry cheese, Nestor, and that same dog-fox, Ulysses, is not proved worthy a blackberry: they set me up, in policy, that mongrel cur, Ajax, against that dog of as bad a kind, Achilles: and now is the cur Ajax prouder than the cur Achilles, and will not arm to-day; whereupon the Grecians begin to proclaim barbarism, and policy grows into an ill opinion. Soft! here comes sleeve, and t’other. |
Enter Diomedes, Troilus following. | |
Troilus |
Fly not; for shouldst thou take the river Styx,
|
Diomedes |
Thou dost miscall retire:
|
Thersites | Hold thy whore, Grecian!—now for thy whore, Trojan!—now the sleeve, now the sleeve! Exeunt Troilus and Diomedes, fighting. |
Enter Hector. | |
Hector |
What art thou, Greek? art thou for Hector’s match?
|
Thersites | No, no, I am a rascal; a scurvy railing knave; a very filthy rogue. |
Hector | I do believe thee: live. Exit. |
Thersites | God-a-mercy, that thou wilt believe me; but a plague break thy neck for frightening me! What’s become of the wenching rogues? I think they have swallowed one another: I would laugh at that miracle: yet, in a sort, lechery eats itself. I’ll seek them. Exit. |
Scene V
Another part of the plains.
Enter Diomedes and a Servant. | |
Diomedes |
Go, go, my servant, take thou Troilus’ horse;
|
Servant | I go, my lord. Exit. |
Enter Agamemnon. | |
Agamemnon |
Renew, renew! The fierce Polydamas
|
Enter Nestor. | |
Nestor |
Go, bear Patroclus’ body to Achilles;
|
Enter Ulysses. | |
Ulysses |
O, courage, courage, princes! great Achilles
|
Enter Ajax. | |
Ajax | Troilus! thou coward Troilus! Exit. |
Diomedes | Ay, there, there. |
Nestor | So, so, we draw together. |
Enter Achilles. | |
Achilles |
Where is this Hector?
|
Scene VI
Another part of the plains.
Enter Ajax. | |
Ajax | Troilus, thou coward Troilus, show thy head! |
Enter Diomedes. | |
Diomedes | Troilus, I say! where’s Troilus? |
Ajax | What wouldst thou? |
Diomedes | I would correct him. |
Ajax |
Were I the general, thou shouldst have my office
|
Enter Troilus. | |
Troilus |
O traitor Diomed! turn thy false face, thou traitor,
|
Diomedes | Ha, art thou there? |
Ajax | I’ll fight with him alone: stand, Diomed. |
Diomedes | He is my prize; I will not look upon. |
Troilus | Come, both you cogging Greeks; have at you both! Exeunt, fighting. |
Enter Hector. | |
Hector | Yea, Troilus? O, well fought, my youngest brother! |
Enter Achilles. | |
Achilles | Now do I see thee, ha! have at thee, Hector! |
Hector | Pause, if thou wilt. |
Achilles |
I do disdain thy courtesy, proud Trojan:
|
Hector |
Fare thee well:
|
Re-enter Troilus. | |
Troilus |
Ajax hath ta’en Aeneas: shall it be?
|
Enter one in sumptuous armour. | |
Hector |
Stand, stand, thou Greek; thou art a goodly mark:
|
Scene VII
Another part of the plains.
Enter Achilles, with Myrmidons. | |
Achilles |
Come here about me, you my Myrmidons;
|
Enter Menelaus and Paris, fighting: then Thersites. | |
Thersites | The cuckold and the cuckold-maker are at it. Now, bull! now, dog! ’Loo, Paris, ’loo! now my double-henned sparrow! ’loo, Paris, ’loo! The bull has the game: ware horns, ho! Exeunt Paris and Menelaus. |
Enter Margarelon. | |
Margarelon | Turn, slave, and fight. |
Thersites | What art thou? |
Margarelon | A bastard son of Priam’s. |
Thersites | I am a bastard too; I love bastards: I am a bastard begot, bastard instructed, bastard in mind, bastard in valour, in every thing illegitimate. One bear will not bite another, and wherefore should one bastard? Take heed, the quarrel’s most ominous to us: if the son of a whore fight for a whore, he tempts judgment: farewell, bastard. Exit. |
Margarelon | The devil take thee, coward! Exit. |
Scene VIII
Another part of the plains.
Enter Hector. | |
Hector |
Most putrefied core, so fair without,
|
Enter Achilles and Myrmidons. | |
Achilles |
Look, Hector, how the sun begins to set;
|
Hector | I am unarm’d; forego this vantage, Greek. |
Achilles |
Strike, fellows, strike; this is the man I seek. Hector falls.
|
Myrmidons | The Trojan trumpets sound the like, my lord. |
Achilles |
The dragon wing of night o’erspreads the earth,
|
Scene IX
Another part of the plains.
Enter Agamemnon, Ajax, Menelaus, Nestor, Diomedes, and others, marching. Shouts within. | |
Agamemnon | Hark! hark! what shout is that? |
Nestor |
Peace, drums!
|
Diomedes | The bruit is, Hector’s slain, and by Achilles. |
Ajax |
If it be so, yet bragless let it be;
|
Agamemnon |
March patiently along: let one be sent
|
Scene X
Another part of the plains.
Enter Aeneas and Trojans. | |
Aeneas |
Stand, ho! yet are we masters of the field:
|
Enter Troilus. | |
Troilus | Hector is slain. |
All | Hector! the gods forbid! |
Troilus |
He’s dead; and at the murderer’s horse’s tail,
|
Aeneas | My lord, you do discomfort all the host. |
Troilus |
You understand me not that tell me so:
|
As Troilus is going out, enter, from the other side, Pandarus. | |
Pandarus | But hear you, hear you! |
Troilus |
Hence, broker-lackey! ignomy and shame
|
Pandarus |
A goodly medicine for my aching bones! O world! world! world! thus is the poor agent despised! O traitors and bawds, how earnestly are you set a-work, and how ill requited! why should our endeavour be so loved and the performance so loathed? what verse for it? what instance for it? Let me see:
Full merrily the humble-bee doth sing,
|
Colophon
Troilus and Cressida
was published in 1601 by
William Shakespeare.
This ebook was produced for
Standard Ebooks
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Emma Sweeney,
and is based on a transcription produced in 1993 by
Jeremy Hylton
for the
Massachusetts Institute of Technology
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The cover page is adapted from
Achilles Lamenting the Death of Patroclus,
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