Sleeping Beauty

Scene I

A special train, a chair car, occupied by students. An upperclassman is attempting to sleep.

Upperclassman Things have quieted down and I’ll get a chance for a nap. He dozes.
A classmate Hey, wake up! All out for Hunkusville!
Upperclassman Aw, set on a tack. He dozes.
A Freshman begins blowing a horn.
Upperclassman Enough is too darned much! He chases all the Freshmen out. He dozes.

Scene II

Upperclassman is snoring contentedly.

Somebody drops the brasses of the brass drum.
Upperclassman Who⁠—what⁠—hey, what time is it?
The Porter One-thirty, suh.
Upperclassman Fine. Everybody’s asleep now. Now for a good nap. He dozes.
The train whistles for a station.
Upperclassman Curses! He dozes.

Scene III

A few minutes later. A flock of girls come through.

Girls Supposedly singing. I gotta gal, her name is Lulu! I love Lulu, I love Lulu, darling!
Upperclassman Jumps seven feet out of seat. Ye gods, what next!
Girls Seventeenth verse, same as the fist, I love Lulu⁠ ⁠… Exit.
Upperclassman Applesauce. He dozes.

Scene IV

Upperclassman sleeping. Girls return.

Girls Still singing. Seven hundredth verse, same as the fist, I love Lulu, I love Lulu, darling!
Upperclassman develops deep and enduring hatred for the name Lulu.
Upperclassman Hey, what time is it?
The porter Two-thirty, suh.
Upperclassman How much longer before we pull in?
The porter One two hours, suh.
Girls Here’s a nice place to sit; you don’t mind do you? They sing. Eight hundredth verse, same as the first⁠—
Upperclassman No, I don’t mind. Grinds teeth and bites hunks out of chair arm.
One hour later.
Girls Seven thousandth verse, same as the first, I gotta girl, her name is Lulu, I love Lulu⁠—
Upperclassman Conductor, is there no chance at all for a train robbery, holdups, murders and all that you know?
Conductor No chance at all, sir.
Upperclassman Darn.