Sleeping Beauty
Scene I
A special train, a chair car, occupied by students. An upperclassman is attempting to sleep.
| Upperclassman | Things have quieted down and I’ll get a chance for a nap. He dozes. |
| A classmate | Hey, wake up! All out for Hunkusville! |
| Upperclassman | Aw, set on a tack. He dozes. |
| A Freshman begins blowing a horn. | |
| Upperclassman | Enough is too darned much! He chases all the Freshmen out. He dozes. |
Scene II
Upperclassman is snoring contentedly.
| Somebody drops the brasses of the brass drum. | |
| Upperclassman | Who—what—hey, what time is it? |
| The Porter | One-thirty, suh. |
| Upperclassman | Fine. Everybody’s asleep now. Now for a good nap. He dozes. |
| The train whistles for a station. | |
| Upperclassman | Curses! He dozes. |
Scene III
A few minutes later. A flock of girls come through.
| Girls | Supposedly singing. I gotta gal, her name is Lulu! I love Lulu, I love Lulu, darling! |
| Upperclassman | Jumps seven feet out of seat. Ye gods, what next! |
| Girls | Seventeenth verse, same as the fist, I love Lulu … Exit. |
| Upperclassman | Applesauce. He dozes. |
Scene IV
Upperclassman sleeping. Girls return.
| Girls | Still singing. Seven hundredth verse, same as the fist, I love Lulu, I love Lulu, darling! |
| Upperclassman develops deep and enduring hatred for the name Lulu. | |
| Upperclassman | Hey, what time is it? |
| The porter | Two-thirty, suh. |
| Upperclassman | How much longer before we pull in? |
| The porter | One two hours, suh. |
| Girls | Here’s a nice place to sit; you don’t mind do you? They sing. Eight hundredth verse, same as the first— |
| Upperclassman | No, I don’t mind. Grinds teeth and bites hunks out of chair arm. |
| One hour later. | |
| Girls | Seven thousandth verse, same as the first, I gotta girl, her name is Lulu, I love Lulu— |
| Upperclassman | Conductor, is there no chance at all for a train robbery, holdups, murders and all that you know? |
| Conductor | No chance at all, sir. |
| Upperclassman | Darn. |