Allison, Ill. May 1.

Dear Bro. Chas:

Well Chas. I suppose you thought my sporting days was all over so it will come like a supprise to you when I tell you what I have pulled off now. I have joined the Allison country club Charley and the first day I can get off I am going out and take a whirl at golf and if I cant make some of these high brows around here look like a sucker at that game I will kill myself or something. Theys a lot of men here in the town that thinks there good golf players and to look at them you would know they could not play nothing unless it was chess or something so a man like I with powerful muscles and a strong physic should ought to have no trouble beating the whay out of them. You remember how I used to play shinny Chas. and golf is a hole lot like it.

But it isent on acct. of playing golf that I have joined the club but mostly on acct. of the Mrs. because she is so crazy to bust in to society out here and it seems like all the high class people in town belongs to the club and if a man dont belong you dont get in on half whats going on. For instance they give dances and card partys out to the club all the time and if you aint a member you dont get ast, but if your a member they got to ask you to there partys because you payed your money just the same as the rest of them and got equal rights.

It seems like there trying to build a new club house so they been makeing a play for new members to get there money and thats how I come to join because I wouldent of never thought of it only for them comeing around to the house and soliciting me. It was Mr. Carlton the president of the village and Mr. Ewing thats in the coal business down town that ast me to join. They come to the house night before last and the Mrs. had went to bed all ready.

Mr. Ewing ast me did I play golf. I told him no, but I never seen the game yet I couldent pick up in a short time and master it. So then they ast me dident I want to join the golf club and it wouldent only cost me $150.00 to go in and $50 dues per annum now but later on the price would probly be doubled. So at 1st I says I did not think I had time to spare for it and besides golf was a game for people that was weak physicly and could not play nothing hard to play but played golf for a little exercise. So Mr. Carlton says he thought I would find the game a hole lot harder to play than I thought and I let him rave on and finally they left and I says I would think it over.

So they left and I went upstairs and told the wife about it and told her I dident have no intentions of joining and then she begun to argue with me as usual and I bet if I had of said I wanted to join she would of told me it was a sucker thing to do, But she says if I joined the club it would be a grand thing for her because all the best women folks in the town had partys and etc. out there and she wouldent have no trouble meeting them and makeing friends and she was sick and tired of the people she had met because they wasent high class like the ones that belongs to the club. So she argued me in to it and the next a.m. I called up Mr. Carlton and told him to put me down for a member and he says all right I was elected all ready and could pay my fees when ever I felt like it. So I am a full fleged member Chas. and will pay up the $150.00 as soon is I get a hold of it and the dues is payable every 3 months at $12.50 a clip so a man wont hardly notice that part of it.

So it looks like we was going to get in with the right people at last and if it makes the Mrs. feel good I wont have no kick comeing because after all Charley a mans 1st duty is tords your wife. I dont expect to get no excitement out of a baby game like golf but I dont half to play much and the main thing is being a member of the club. But I want to play a couple times to get the hang of it so as I can talk with the other fellows going in on the train because that seems to be about all they talk about that and the stock market.

I will let you know what kind of a player I am, but I guess you wont have no reason to feel ashamed of me. You never seen me fall down in any game yet, eh Charley.

Kindest to Mary and next time she comes to see us we will have some place to entertain her besides the house and will also be in position to introduce her to the high monky monks.

Allison, Ill. May 17.

Brother Chas:

Well Chas. I have broke in to the golf game and its a hole lot different game than I expected and nothing at all like shinny but as soon is I get the hang of it I will get along OK.

I layed off yesterday p.m. and came out home and hired a rig to take me out to the country club. I wish now I had of kept a hold of my automobile as it would come in handy driveing back and 4th between the golf club and back. I got out there about half past 1 and the stewart ast me was I member and I told him yes and he ast me did I want to play and did I have any clubs and etc. So finally he took me out in the shed where the teacher stays and the teacher ast me had I ever played before and I says no and then he ast me did I want a lesson. No, I says, and I never seen the game yet where I had to get any body to learn me how to play it. So he says all right he would fit me out with some clubs and he give me 5 to start with and the 5 are all different and got different names. The 1st 1 is what they call a driver that you use to hit the ball the 1st time and try and drive it as far is you can and its a long club with a wood handle and a wood nob at the end of it. And the next 1 is a brassy thats just like the driver only theys a peace of brass nailed on the bottom of it. And the next 1 is a click thats got a wood handle but in place of a wood nob theys a lead blade on the bottom of it thats turned up a little so as a man can raise a ball off of the ground. And the next 1 is a masher that you use when the balls in the grass or the sand and it raises a ball up more than the click. And the last 1 is a putter that the blade on it is like the masher and click only it dont turn up and you use it to knock the ball in to the hole when you are right close up.

Well they give me a bag to carry the clubs in and ast me how many balls did I want and I says I thought 1 would be plenty, but the teacher says I better take 2 or 3 because I was so strong in the shoulders and arms that I might drive the ball off of the coarse and loose it. So they give me 3 balls and a boy to carry my bag and chase up the balls I knocked and then they showed me where to start at. They was a man I know just going to start too and he ast me would I play with him so I says yes. His name is Fredericks and he owns the garage.

The 1st thing you do Chas. you take a little chunk of mud out of a box and make a little mound with it and then you stick your ball on top of it and hit it as far is you can tords the 1st hole thats about 500 yds. away. Fredericks shot 1st and his ball went about 150 yds. and then it was my turn and I missed the ball the 1st time and Fredericks says I tried to hit it too hard. Just go easy at 1st he says. So I hit at it easy and missed it again on acct. of hitting the ground behind it and then I swang easy again and hit it this time but it only went 5 or 6 ft. on acct. of me not trying to hit it hard. Then Fredericks told me to use the brass club on the next shot and I hit it the 1st time but it only went 20 ft. so I says I bet the next time I wouldent swing so easy because of coarse a man couldent get no where just babying the ball along so the next time I swang with all my strength and I would of drove that ball a mile past his if I had of hit it, but I hit the ground behind it again and didn’t move the ball. So then he says I was swinging too hard again so I swang easy again and hit the ball and it went pretty good this time about 50 yds. but off to 1 side.

Well I kept getting on to the hang of the game and finally our balls was both up about a ft. off of the short grass where he had had 3 shots and ast me how many did I have and I counted up from memory and says I had had 8. Yes he says, but that isent counting the times you did not hit the ball at all. Then he told me you had to count them too. How is that Chas. for a game where you count a strike every time you hit at the ball if you hit it or dont hit it. You see the idea of the game is to knock the ball in to all 9 of the holes without takeing no more strikes than necessary and the man that takes the least strikes wins the game.

Well we finally got our balls in to the 1st hole and Fredericks done it in 6 strikes and I done it in 12 not counting the times I missed the ball. So then we went over and played the next hole and so on till we come to the 7th hole and I had to quit then because I had lost the 3 balls the teacher left me take and 1 of Frederick’s besides and he did not have no more to lone me so I quit. They dont keep the coarse in very good shape or I would not of lost the balls because it was in the long grass and weeds where I lost them and if they kept the grass and weeds cut I could of found them easy enough.

I walked along with Fredericks while he played the last 3 holes and he told me to watch how he shot and maybe I would pick up some pointers. He says the main thing was to keep your head still and keep your eyes on the ball and not try and hit the ball too hard. He says if he was me he would hire the teacher to give me a couple lessons and learn me how to swing so maybe I will do that Chas. as it is only $1.00 per hr. and for $2.00 I could learn all they is to know about how to swing and thats all they is to the game. I would like to play on a smooth coarse some time and I bet I would make them sit up and take notice, but they dont take no care of the ground here and its got a lot of long grass and trees that should ought to be cut down and a lot of mounds that should ought to be leveled off and the 7th and 8th holes is built right along side of the river so a mans mind is on keeping the ball from going in the water and you cant do yourself justice.

Fredericks had his automobile along and ast me to ride home with him. Before we left the teacher ast me if I wanted to buy some clubs off of him and I says yes and he says I could keep the clubs he had give me to use. So I got my own clubs now and dont half to pay for them till the 1st of the month. I suppose there about ½ a buck a throw and the 5 of them will come to $2.50.

I ast the teacher could he give me a lesson next Sunday p.m. but he says he was too busy Sundays but could give me 1 any day in the wk. so I am going to lay off some p.m. again next wk. and learn the right way to swing and after that they wont be nothing to it.

Allison, Ill. May 18.

Dear Brother Charley:

Well Charley since the last time I wrote you a letter I have took 2 lessons from the golf teacher out to the club and now I guess I am about ready to give them all an argument that is when I have had a little more practice. It is a mistake for a beginner to not take no lessons because theys a few little things about the game that a teacher can learn you in all most no time and a man might play a yr. before he got on to them by yourself.

The 1st lesson I took was a week ago Monday and the 1st thing the teacher told me to do was to stand up and hit the ball off of what they call the tea so as he could see what was the matter with me. So I hit the ball but I dident hit it square and it went off to 1 side. So I says Well whats the matter with me. So he says Nothing only you went back too fast and you took your left ft. off of the ground, and you took your eyes off of the ball and you moved your head and you stood too far away from the ball and you dident take no aim at where you was shooting at and you tried to kill it and you pulled away from it like it was a snake or something. So he worked with me a hole hr. just trying to drive the ball off of the tea and when we was through he says I was doing a hole lot better than when I started.

So I took another lesson 4 days after the 1st 1 and he showed me how to hit them with my brassy and click and masher and then he says I had better take a few more lessons, but I seen they was no use in that as I knowed the principals and all as I would half to do is practice them up. So I been practiceing every time I got a chance and now I got so as I dont never miss the ball no more and I made the 7th hole the other day in 5 strikes and thats only 2 more strikes than the best of them takes to it.

I am going to get a wk. off next month and I dont know yet where I will spend it. The Mrs. wants that I should take the kids and she over to St. Joe or some wheres but that costs money and I says to her that we could have just as good a time at home and a better rest for me. But of corse I will do like she says be cause I believe a mans 1st duty is tords your wife.

Allison, Ill. June 14.

Brother Chas:

Well Chas. I am takeing a wks. lay off and where do you think I am spending it Charley. Right in Allison or rather right out to the golf club because I have been there just about all the time since a wk. ago tomorrow. And maybe I cant play that old game of golf now Chas. Yesterday I went around the 9 holes in 63 strikes and I havent only lost 3 balls the last 2 times I played and 2 of them went in the river where any bodys libel to shoot no matter how good you are. But the balls and the bats too costs money Charley. I found that out when the bill come in from the club.

The balls come to 65 cents a peace and the clubs was $2.50 a peace and hows that for a skin game Charley. But they wasent no use kicking because they would tell you the prices was up on acct. of the war like every body tells you about every thing these days and I suppose theys a big demand for golf instruments now because the people over in europe uses the balls to throw at each other and the clubs is for canes for the soldiers that got there leg hurt. But you can bet I havent told the Mrs. about what its costing me because she is sore all ready on acct. of me spending my vacation here instead of takeing the family acrost the lake or somewheres.

You care a lot about the kids and I, she says. We got to stay home and wonder what to do with ourself wile you spend all your time out to the golf links.

So I says Whos vacation am I spending yours or mine. All your life is just 1 long vacation you and the kids both.

Yes, she says, and I would like to see you take care of the house and the kids and cook 3 meals a day for 5 people and think you was haveing a vacation.

So we had it back and 4th but if we was on friendly turns all the wile the neighbors would get suspicious and think we wasent married or something.

But if I have a little luck I will make her forget all about it in a little wile and here is how I am going to do it. There haveing some tournaments up to the club and I am going in to the 1 that starts next Saturday and see if I cant take some of the swell head out of some of these high monkey monks and of corse that wont get the Mrs. nothing but what I am going to play for is the presidents cup thats put up by Mr. Ewing the president of the club for the man that wins the tournament and it isent no common tea cup but it is a great big solid silver cup with 2 handles on it and so big that if you drunk it full of beer you would begin to sing tenor. And if I have a little luck and win this here cup I will make a present of it to the Mrs. and I guess that will be better than going acrost the lake especially if it was a rough day.

Of corse I aint so good yet that they isent some of the young fellows in the club that could give me a trimming but they give a man a handicap in these here tournaments and believe me Charley I will win with the handicap they have gave me if I aint sick. I seen the list of handicaps hanging on the wall up to the club yesterday and I overlooked all the names but mine was not there so I ast the stewart who made out the handicaps and he says the teacher done it so I went to the teacher to give me mine and he says he had not done it before because most generally a man dont go in to the tournaments the 1st yr. you play. But I says I was going in to this 1 all right so then he ast me what I went around the links in and I told him I usully made it in about 74 but once I made it in 63 and other times as high as 81. So he figured a wile and finely says he would give me a handicap of 48 and thats for 18 holes because they play 18 holes in the tournament instead of 9. Well Charley if I cant beat them birds with a 48 handicap I will quit trying to play the game.

Allison, Ill. July 23.

Dear Brother Chas:

Well Chas. what did I tell you about me winning that cup for the golf tournament and I havent win it yet but the finals comes off tomorrow a.m. and I am in on them. What do you know about that Chas. and who do you think Im going to play against. Mr. Thomas, Charley, the richest man in Allison and his wife is the high monkey monk in society here and Grace is tickeled to death because here is her chance to get acquainted with Mrs. Thomas and then she will be in right. Because of corse Mrs. Thomas will be out to watch her husband play the finals and I will take Grace along with me and wile they are watching us they can make friends between themselves and maybe fix up a party for the Thomases and we to celebrate who ever wins the cup. They will probly be a big crowd watching us besides the 2 women and this will be the 1st time I ever played in the front of a crowd but it wont make me nervous.

The tournament started a wk. ago today and I played better than I ever did in my life and when I turned in my score I was way up in the list includeing my handicap. The next day we played some more and when we got through they was only 4 of us left and the 4 was I and Mr. Thomas and Mr. Carlton and Mr. Carpenter. So today I was to play Mr. Carpenter and he phoned out from Chi and says he couldent get there and would I wait and play tomorrow a.m. and I says No of corse I wouldent wait. So he says All right go ahead and claim your match by the fault and you will get a good beating in the finals but I just give him the laugh and told the teacher that Mr. Carpenter had gave up so the teacher wrote it on the board that I was going to be in the finals. Well Mr. Carltons a better player than Mr. Thomas but Mr. Thomas has got a handicap himself and he win his match and the teacher announced that I and Mr. Thomas would play it off tomorrow.

Well Grace is all excited about me playing Mr. Thomas and she meeting Mrs. Thomas and the cup and every thing and cant hardly wait for tomorrow to come and niether can I Chas. because I am wild to go to it and no more nervous than as if I was pairing my finger nails. I will let you know how I come out.

Allison, Ill. July 25.

Dear Charley:

Well Charley what do you think I got here on the table where I am writeing this letter. A big silver cup Charley and I win it yesterday in the finals for the presidents cup out to the club. How is that for a man that dident never have a golf stick in his hands till this yr. eh Chas.

And besides me winning the cup I found out something about the club that I dident know about and if I had of knew it in the 1st place they wouldent never of had to coax me to get me in to there club.

After the game we come back to the club house and I left the Mrs. setting out on the porch wile I went in and washed up. The stewart was standing there in the locker rm. and I made some remarks about wishing I had a drink. So he says what do you want and I says a high ball just jokeing. But sure enough in a few minutes he come in with a high ball and when I ast him how much was it and tried to pay him he says No you just sign your name so as we can keep track of who got it. So then I ast him some more questions and it seems like he has got all kinds of drinks on hand and a man can get any thing he wants and dont even half to pay for it but all as you do is sign your name. Pretty soft eh Chas. and I guess I will get writers cramp before this here summer is over.

I told you I was going to win the cup Charley and I kept my word, but it was some battle and I never seen a man as sore in my life as Mr. Thomas when he seen I had him trimmed.

We was to start the match at 10 o’clock in the a.m. but when I and Grace got out there Mr. Thomas hadent showed up yet and when he come his wife wasent along with him. So after I had introduced he and Grace I ast him if his wife wasent comeing out and he says No she had some thing better to do. So we went out to the 1st tea and they was a caddy a peace for us, but they wasent no body else going along to watch us only Grace and I guess Mr. Thomas dont like to play in front of a crowd and had ast his friends to stay away.

Well, I says, I will drive off 1st and give you a mark to shoot at, so I drove off good and the ball went 150 yds. and good and straight. Fine, says Grace. Then Mr. Thomas drove off and went over to the right. You sliced your ball. I says. You was standing too far away. So I thought I would be polite and I followed him over in the long grass and helped him look for his ball and we found it amongst the weeds and he begin looking in his bag for a club to shoot with. You better take your masher, I says to him, and sure enough he took his masher and made a pretty good shot out on the fair ways and a little ahead of where my ball was at. But I took my wood and brass club and got a good shot and the ball went over the mound thats on the coarse and right tords the hole but maybe 200 yds. short. So then it was his shot again and he used a click but he dident get no power behind it and the ball went down in a kind of a ditch thats this side of the green. Thats where you should ought to of used your brass and wood club, I says.

Well finally we was both on the green and I had had 4 strikes and he had 4 strikes and my ball was farther from the hole than his ball so it was my 1st put. Well Chas. you can believe it or not but the ball went clear in the hole and come out again and layed there about 1 inch from the edge. So if I had of had any luck I would of made 5 for the hole and thats what the best players make. I had to count 6 strikes and it was Mr. Thomas turn and he was about 4 ft. from the hole and if he put the ball in in 1 strike that would be 5 strikes all together for him and 6 for me so they wouldent neither 1 of us win the hole on acct. of my handicap. Well he leaned over and was just going to hit the ball when I says, Bet you a buck you miss it. So that put him all up in the air and he hit the ball and it went about 3 ft. past the hole instead of in to it. So he looked at me like it was my fault and then he went over to where the ball was and kicked it and acted like he had been bit by a mad dog or something.

Well, I says, that’s 1 for me.

Are you ahead, ast Grace.

Sure Im ahead, I says.

Well, she says, maybe Mr. Thomas will be luckier this time.

Neither 1 of us done very good on the next hole. Mr. Thomas took 6 strikes and was still 3 ft. from the hole yet and I was just about the same lenth away with 7 strikes. This time he put 1st and I says, Look out, just as he was going to hit the ball, pertending like they was a snake or something behind him. I guess it scared him out of makeing his put because he come about a ft. short of the hole. I made a dandy shot myself and right in to the hole she went. I wish you could of heard Grace squeal. So I win this hole too and now I had 2 holes advantage.

Well Charley it would take too long to tell you the hole game. I was 3 ahead of him when we got to the end of the 1st 9 holes and then we started out on the 1st 1 to go around again and he got with in about 3 ft. of the hole with only 4 strikes and I was way off of the green with 5 strikes so it looked like I was going to loose the hole sure, but what did I do but put the ball clear in to the hole from where I was and it must of been 50 ft. I wish you could of seen Grace. She done all the dances she knowed and hollered like an Indian.

Im through, says Mr. Thomas.

Through, I says, what for.

I havent got no chance, he says. I might play on even turns with you if I had the hired girl out here to cheer me on, but the way things is Im outclassed.

So I says, Dont take it too hard Thomas. It aint nothing only sport after all and you getting beat aint as much your fault as the man that give us the handicaps. You got no business giveing me a strike a hole and if you say so we will play the rest of it even.

It wouldent be even, he says, because I havent got no body along to lead the cheers for me.

Well, I says, I will tell you what I will do to show you Im a good sport. We will pertend like we havent played at all and this p.m. or any time you say, you can bring your Mrs. along and leave her go around with us and encourage you.

No, he says, I can see I am no match for you and my wife aint nowheres near a match for yours.

Your wife is probly good hearted, I says, and if she aint the best looking woman in the world you want to remember that beauty isent only skin deep as they say. And besides, I says, you wouldent be talking that way about your wife if you wasent sore over the golf game. If I was you I would try and forget it and remember that some body has always got to loose and maybe next time you will have better luck. If you will take a little advice from me you should spend a couple hrs. with the teacher and I bet your game would improve 50%. He showed me in 1 lesson what was the matter with my driveing and I guess I can drive OK now as you seen this morning. I noticed 2 or 3 things about your game, I says, that the teacher could fix up for you in a few minutes. You stand too far from the ball and you move your left leg and you swing back too fast and you dont hold your head steady. A man cant help from sliceing and hooking when you do them things.

But he says now that I had told him what was the matter with his game, what was the use of him waisting money on the teacher. But if I was you, he says, I would go to night school somewheres and take a few lessons in manners.

So then I seen they wasent no use trying to be a good fellow with a sore head like him so I says I guessed a few lessons like that wouldent hurt him niether and maybe I wasent no dude but 1 thing sure I never made the remark in public that my Mrs. wasent a good looker. So he says, No it wouldent be necessary. And I guess I would of took a crack at him only for the Mrs. being there and I dont believe in a man fighting in front of a lady or your wife.

But I should worry about how Thomas feels eh Charley. I got the cup and I win it fair and square and they cant nobody take that away from me. And the Mrs. is tickeled to death with it.

Allison, Ill. July 29.

Brother Charley:

Well Charley I found out something yesterday and that is that a man cant do yourself justice playing golf when you dont feel good and it cost me $50 to find it out but you can bet I wont never play golf again after I have eat something that dident agree with me.

The night before last I was over to a banquet at the annex and the chief sent me over there to just keep my eyes open and see that they wasent no dips getting away with something on acct. of all the women wearing there rocks and etc. Well I run in to some pals and we spent most of the evening down in the bar together and I had a hole lot to drink and when I got up yesterday a.m. I felt bad and couldent go down to work so I called the chief up and he says for me to take the day off. So after breakfast I felt like it would do me good to get outdoors so I went up to the golf club and was going to play but they wasent nobody else there so I thought I would wait around till some one come to play with. So I waited all the a.m. and nobody come and wile I was waiting I got thirsty and the stewart brought me a drink and then he brought me some more and I guess I must of had about a dozen but I should worry when I was getting them for nothing and just signing my name so as the stewart could keep track of who got them. Well finely it come noon time and I was hungry and the stewart says he could serve me my lunch so I says all right and he give me a lunch and they must of been something that was poisened because I noticed later on that I was kind of dizzy and my head spining around. But just when I was through lunch who should come in but Mr. Carpenter and Mr. Thomas.

Well, I says to them, I hope you got over your soreness about me winning the cup and if you aint sore you can set down with me and have a drink.

So they looked at each other and then they both excepted the invitation and set down and I ast them what would they have and they says they never drunk nothing only wine. So I called the stewart in and ast him did he have some wine and sure enough he did. How is that for a club Chas. where you can get all the champagne you want to drink by just signing your name. So I had a bottle with them and then Thomas says he would have another and when they brought it in Thomas says he would sign for it but the card was right near me so I says Whats the difference who signs it I will sign it myself. So then we had 3 more bottles and I signed for them again and then I sung a ballid for them and then Thomas ast me how my golf game was.

I guess you know, I says. Its good enough to beat you.

For how much, he says.

What ever you say, I says.

I will play you for a hundred bucks, says Thomas.

So I says I dident want to rob him and I would play him for $50 and he put up $50 and I had to write a check and we put it up with Carpenter. So then Thomas says he would give me a strike a hole and I says he wouldent do nothing of the kind because I could beat him even. So then we got our clubs and went to it.

Well Charley I knowed the minute I got out there that something I had eat had disagreed with me and if I had of been like some guys I would of quit on acct. of feeling sick. But I am not no yellow dog Charley and I made up my mind I would go through with it bad as I felt.

Well Thomas drove off the tea and got a pretty fair drive and then it was my turn and I was so sick I couldent hardly see and I missed the ball and then I swang and missed it again and finely when I did hit it I hit it crooked and it only went about 20 ft. So then Thomas got smart and says he would tell me what was the matter with me. You swang back too fast, he says, and you stood too close to the ball and your eyes was shut and you was doing the foxy trot with your left foot.

You shut your mouth, I says.

Well Carpenter went along with us and kept score and of all the crooked scoreing I ever seen he had it beat. Why 1 time he counted a strike on me when I hit the ball with my putter swinging back before I was even ready to hit it tords the hole.

I drove off pretty good on the 2nd hole but I got another dizzy spell right away and when I tried to hit the ball with my brassy I couldent hardly see and I hit the ground back of it 3 or 4 times and dident never touch the ball.

You could make bigger holes with a plow, says Thomas.

You must think theys oil on this property, says Carpenter.

Your both too smart, I says. But I would make you look like a sucker if I hadent eat that ham for lunch.

Well they aint no use telling you the rest of it. I wasent in no shape to play my game and Thomas beat me by 3 or 4 holes. Carpenter says I was 18 down at the end of the 1st 9, but he was stretching it.

You beat me all right, I says to Thomas, but you know what a fat chance you would of had only for that ketchup I had for lunch being spoiled and made me sick.

I am glad to get that news about ketchup, says Thomas, because when the country gos dry we will want something that effects a man that way.

Then Carpenter says that wine was a good anecdote for a man that got poisoned by ketchup and he says he would buy a bottle when we got in the club house.

So I says Yes you cheap skate. But you wouldent buy no wine if you had to pay for it. Any body can buy wine when all as they half to do is sign there name.

So he says the reason he suggested him signing his name was because he thought I was too sick to sign my name. So I says, I will show you if I am too sick or not, so when we got in the club house we had 6 more bottles and I signed for them.

Well Charley they got me that time and got me for $50 which I suppose is pretty near as much as the cup is worth that I win from Thomas. But they wouldent never of got me if it hadent been for them pickles I eat for lunch and I will get back at Thomas if it takes me all the rest of the summer and he cant never beat me in the world when I havent eat something that was spoiled.

Allison, Ill. Aug. 3.

Dear Charley:

Well Charley I am not going to have no chance to get back at Thomas and Carpenter and if any body ever mentions the word golf club to me again I will take a punch at there jaw Thomas and Carpenter incluseive.

Last night when I come home from down town I found the Mrs. crying like a baby with the collect. So I ast her what was the matter and she says she had been to the P.O. and got the bills.

Well, I says, this is the 1st of the month and if you cant look at a few bills without flooding the parlor you better of kept away from the P.O.

Yes, she says, but look at this 1. And she handed me a bill from the golf club and how much do you think it was. Only a measly $227.50. And it says that $150 was for joining the club and $12.50 was for 3 months dues and $65 for bar. Well Charley when I seen it you could of knocked me down with a feather. But I thought of corse it must be a mistake and I says so to the Mrs.

The $150 and the $12.50 is OK, I says, but they told me I dident half to pay the $150 till I felt like it. But I havent bought no bar and I dont know what there talking about.

Well she made me call up the treasure of the club and I ast him what it all meant and he says the bar part of it was something I would half to ask the stewart about. Yes, I says, but you people told me I wouldent half to pay the $150 right away. So he says they meant not for a month or so but now I had been in the club pretty near 3 months or over and would half to pay or forfiet my membership. So I hung up on him and then I called up the stewart. Well Charley, he says that all that wine and them other drinks I signed for wasent free after all but the way they run it was for a man to sign your name when you got it and settle the 1st of the month.

So then I called the treasure back.

Suppose I dont pay that $150, I says to him, and suppose I dont pay that bar bill that I got beat out of because they just as good as told me the drinks was free. What will you do about it.

Nothing, he says, only you will be fired from the club.

Is that all you will do to me, I says, and he says yes.

Well, I says, I am fired and you can take your golf club and go and jump in the Des Plaines river with it.

So your going to stick us for $227.50, he says.

Yes I am, I says.

All right, he says, its worth more than that to have you quit.

I will quit you next time I see you, I says. I will quit you right in the jaw. And then I hung up on him.

Well Charley I wish I had of stopped that check I give Thomas and then I wouldent of been nothing out only what I payed for the balls I lost because I guess I can sell my bag and the clubs. And I got there silver presidents cup that I win fair and square and I would of win the $50 from Thomas only for some preserved peaches that I eat that poisoned me. So all and all I dident come out so bad. But dont never mention golf or golf club around me because its a baby game and they dont nobody only babys play it and if I couldent go out and practice it a wk. or 2 and then beat any of them I would shoot myself provided I felt good.

Allison, Ill. Aug. 8.

Brother Chas:

Well Chas. who do you think I played golf with today. The chief himself Charley and he beat me but it was because I hadent had a golf club in my hands for over a wk. And I aint going to give the game up after all Chas. because I found out that theys places to play in Chi where it dont cost you a nickle.

Heres how it come off Chas. I brought my golf clubs down town with me this a.m. with the intentions of takeing them to a hawk shop and see what could I get for them. But the train was late and I had to go right to headquarters and leave selling them till later and when the chief come in he seen them.

So he says he dident know I was a golf player. So I says I wasent a golf player no more because it was a baby game and too easy for a groan man to monkey with it. So he says he had been monking with it a long wile and if I thought it was such a pipe he would take me out and play me for the drinks. So I ast him where we would play at and he says Garfield Pk. So thats where we went Charley and its a public course and dont cost you nothing to belong and he beat me but I would of beat him good if I hadent of been out of practice and we are going out again tomorrow and then we will see if he is so good or not.

Maybe you can find some public courses around N.Y. Charley and if so Id advise you to learn the game because I was just jolling when I says it was a baby game and its a swell game Charley after you have mastered it and maybe you couldent pick it up as quick as I did but dont be discouraged if you fall down the 1st few times. Its grand exercise Charley and keeps a man in grand shape. Remember when you start in to not try and hit the ball too hard and keep your eye on it and keep your left foot on the ground and not come back too fast or stand too far away from it and after you got them things learned all as you need is practice to master the fine pts.