Act II

It is after dinner on the Saturday evening. Everyone is talking and arguing. The following scene should be played with great speed.
Simon Who’ll go out?
Sorel I don’t mind.
Simon No; you always guess it too quickly.
Jackie What do we have to do?
Judith Choose an adverb, and then⁠—
Simon Someone goes out, you see, and comes in, and you’ve chosen a word among yourselves, and she or he or whoever it is asks you some sort of question and you have to⁠—
Sorel Not an ordinary question, Simon; they have to ask them to do something in the manner of the word, and then⁠—
Simon Then, you see, you act whatever it is⁠—
Sorel The answer to the question, you see?
Richard Apprehensively. What sort of thing is one expected to do?
Judith Quite usual things, like reciting “If,” or playing the piano⁠—
Richard I can’t play the piano.
Simon Never mind; you can fake it, as long as it conveys an idea of the word.
Jackie The word we’ve all thought of?
Sorel Impatient. Yes, the word we’ve chosen when whoever it is is out of the room.
Jackie I’m afraid I don’t quite understand yet.
Simon Never mind; I’ll explain. You see, someone goes out.⁠ ⁠…
Sorel I’ll go out the first time, just to show her.
Judith It’s quite simple⁠—all you have to do is just act in the manner of the word.
Sorel Look here, everybody, I’m going out.
Simon All right; go on.
Myra The History game’s awfully good⁠—when two people go out, and come back as Queen Elizabeth and Crippen or somebody.
Sandy Despondently. I’m no earthly good at this sort of thing.
Sorel I’ll show you, Sandy. You see.⁠ ⁠…
Judith There’s always “How, When and Where?” We haven’t played that for ages.
Simon We will afterwards. We’ll do this one first.⁠—Go on, Sorel.
Sorel Don’t be too long. She goes out.
Simon Now then.
Judith “Bitterly.”
Simon No, we did that last week; she’ll know.
David “Intensely.”
Judith Too difficult.
Richard There was an amusing game I played once at the Harringtons’ house. Everyone was blindfolded except⁠—
Simon This room’s not big enough for that. What about “winsomely”?
Jackie I wish I knew what we had to do.
Judith You’ll see when we start playing.
Myra If we start playing.
Simon Mother’s brilliant at this. Do you remember when we played it at the Mackenzies’?
Judith Yes, and Blanche was so cross when I kissed Freddie’s ear in the manner of the word.
Richard What was the word?
Judith I can’t remember.
Myra Perhaps it’s as well.
David What about “drearily”?
Judith Not definite enough.
Simon “Winsomely” is the best.
Judith She’s sure to guess it straight off.
Simon Confidentially to Jackie. These games are much too brainy for me.
David Young Norman Robertson used to be marvellous⁠—do you remember?
Simon Yes, wonderful sense of humour.
Myra He’s lost it all since his marriage.
Judith I didn’t know you knew him.
Myra Well, considering he married my cousin⁠—
Richard We don’t seem to be getting on with the game.
Judith We haven’t thought of a word yet.
Myra “Brightly.”
Simon Too obvious.
Myra Very well⁠—don’t snap at me!
Judith “Saucily.” I’ve got a lovely idea for “saucily.”
Myra At Simon. I should think “rudely” would be the easiest.
Simon Don’t be sour, Myra.
Judith The great thing is to get an obscure word.
Simon What a pity Irene isn’t here⁠—she knows masses of obscure words.
Myra She’s probably picked them up from her obscure friends.
Simon It’s no use being catty about Irene; she’s a perfect darling.
Myra I wasn’t being catty at all.
Simon Yes, you were.
Sorel Off. Hurry up!
Judith Quickly, now! We must think⁠—
Jackie Helpfully. “Appendicitis.”
Judith Witheringly. That’s not an adverb.
Simon You’re thinking of charades.
Sandy Charades are damned good fun.
Simon Yes, but we don’t happen to be doing them at the moment.
Sandy Sorry.
Judith “Saucily.”
Simon No, “winsomely’s” better.
Judith All right. Call her in.
Simon Calling. Sorel⁠—come on; we’re ready.
Reenter Sorel.
Sandy Hoarsely to Simon. Which is it?⁠—“saucily” or “winsomely”?
Simon Whispering. “Winsomely.”
Sorel To Judith. Go and take a flower out of that vase and give it to Richard.
Judith Very well.
She trips lightly over to the vase, gurgling with coy laughter, selects a flower, then goes over to Richard; pursing her lips into a mock smile, she gives him the flower, with a little girlish gasp at her own daring, and wags her finger archly at him.
Simon Marvellous, Mother!
Sorel Laughing. Oh, lovely!⁠ ⁠… Now, Myra, get up and say goodbye to everyone in the manner of the word.
Myra Rises and starts with David. Goodbye. It really has been most delightful⁠—
Judith No, no, no!
Myra Why⁠—what do you mean?
Judith You haven’t got the right intonation a bit.
Simon Oh, Mother darling, do shut up!
Myra Acidly. Remember what an advantage you have over we poor amateurs, Judith, having been a professional for so long.
Judith I don’t like “so long” very much.
Sorel Do you think we might go on now?
Myra Go to the next one; I’m not going to do any more.
Simon Oh, please do. You were simply splendid.
Sorel It doesn’t matter. To Richard. Light a cigarette in the manner of the word.
Richard I’ve forgotten what it is.
Judith Grimacing at him violently. You remember.⁠ ⁠…
Richard Oh, yes.
He proceeds to light a cigarette with great abandon, winking his eye and chucking Sorel under the chin.
Judith Oh, no, no, no!
Myra I can’t think what that’s meant to be.
Richard Offended. I was doing my best.
Judith It’s so frightfully easy, and nobody can do it right.
Simon I believe you’ve muddled it up.
Richard You’d better go on to the next one.
Judith Which word were you doing? Whisper⁠—
Richard Whispering. “Saucily.”
Judith I knew it!⁠—He was doing the wrong word. She whispers to him.
Richard Oh, I see. I’m so sorry.
Judith Give him another chance.
Simon No, it’s Jackie’s turn now; it will come round to him again, I’m afraid.
Sorel To Jackie. Do a dance in the manner of the word.
Jackie Giggling. I can’t.
Judith Nonsense! Of course you can.
Jackie I can’t⁠—honestly⁠—I.⁠ ⁠…
Simon Pulling her to her feet. Go on; have a shot at it.
Jackie No, I’d much rather not. Count me out.
Judith Really, the ridiculous fuss everyone makes⁠—
Jackie I’m awfully stupid at anything like this.
Sorel It’s only a game, after all.
David Come along⁠—try.
Jackie Dragging back. I couldn’t⁠—please don’t ask me to. I simply couldn’t.
Simon Leave her alone if she doesn’t want to.
Sorel Irritably. What’s the use of playing at all, if people won’t do it properly?
Judith It’s so simple.
Sandy It’s awfully difficult if you haven’t done it before.
Simon Go on to the next one.
Sorel Firmly. Unless everyone’s in it we won’t play at all.
Simon Now don’t lose your temper.
Sorel Lose my temper! I like that! No one’s given me the slightest indication of what the word is⁠—you all argue and squabble⁠—
David Talk, talk, talk! Everybody talks too much.
Judith It’s so surprising to me when people won’t play up. After all⁠—
Jackie With spirit. It’s a hateful game, anyhow, and I don’t want to play it again ever.
Sorel You haven’t played it at all yet.
Simon Don’t be rude, Sorel.
Sorel Really, Simon, the way you go on is infuriating!
Simon It’s always the way; whenever Sorel goes out she gets quarrelsome.
Sorel Quarrelsome!
Simon Don’t worry, Jackie; you needn’t do anything you don’t want to.
Judith I think, for the future, we’d better confine our efforts to social conversation and not attempt anything in the least intelligent.
Simon How can you be so unkind, Mother?
Judith Sharply. Don’t speak to me like that.
Jackie It’s all my fault⁠—I know I’m awfully silly, but it embarrasses me so terribly doing anything in front of people.
Sorel With acidity. I should think the word was, “winsomely.”
Simon You must have been listening outside the door then.
Sorel Not at all⁠—Miss Coryton gave it away.
Simon Why “Miss Coryton” all of a sudden? You’ve been calling her Jackie all the evening. You’re far too grand, Sorel.
Sorel And you’re absolutely maddening⁠—I’ll never play another game with you as long as I live.
Simon That won’t break my heart.
Judith Stop, stop, stop!
Simon Grabbing Jackie’s hand. Come out in the garden. I’m sick of this.
Sorel Don’t let him take you on the river; he isn’t very good at it.
Simon Over his shoulder. Ha, ha!⁠—very funny. He drags Jackie off.
Judith Sorel, you’re behaving disgracefully.
Sorel Simon ought to go into the army, or something.
David You both ought to be in reformatories.
Sorel This always happens whenever we play a game. We’re a beastly family, and I hate us.
Judith Speak for yourself, dear.
Sorel I can’t, without speaking for everyone else too⁠—we’re all exactly the same, and I’m ashamed of us.⁠—Come into the library, Sandy. She drags Sandy off.
Myra Charming! It’s all perfectly charming.
David I think it would be better, Judith, if you exercised a little more influence over the children.
Judith That’s right⁠—blame it all on me.
David After all, dear, you started it, by snapping everybody up.
Judith You ought never to have married me, David; it was a great mistake.
David The atmosphere of this house is becoming more unbearable every day, and all because Simon and Sorel are allowed to do exactly what they like.
Judith You sit upstairs all day, writing your novels.
David Novels which earn us our daily bread.
Judith “Daily bread” nonsense! We’ve got enough money to keep us in comfort until we die.
David That will be very soon, if we can’t get a little peace. To Myra. Come out into the garden⁠—
Judith I sincerely hope the night air will cool you.
David I don’t know what’s happened to you lately, Judith.
Judith Nothing’s happened to me⁠—nothing ever does. You’re far too smug to allow it.
David Smug! Thank you.
Judith Yes, smug, smug, smug! And pompous!
David I hope you haven’t been drinking, dear.
Judith Drinking! Huh! that’s very amusing!
David I think it’s rather tragic, at your time of life. He goes out with Myra.
Judith David’s been a good husband to me, but he’s wearing a bit thin now.
Richard Would you like me to go? To leave you alone for a little?
Judith Why? Are you afraid I shall become violent?
Richard Smiling. No; I merely thought perhaps I was in the way.
Judith I hope you’re not embarrassed⁠—I couldn’t bear you to be embarrassed.
Richard Not in the least.
Judith Marriage is a hideous affair altogether, don’t you think?
Richard I’m really hardly qualified to judge, you see.
Judith Do stop being noncommittal, just for once; it’s doubly annoying in the face of us all having lost control so lamentably.
Richard I’m sorry.
Judith There’s nothing to be sorry for, really, because, after all, it’s your particular “thing,” isn’t it?⁠—observing everything and not giving yourself away an inch.
Richard I suppose it is.
Judith You’ll get used to us in time, you know, and then you’ll feel cosier. Why don’t you sit down? She sits on sofa.
Richard I’m enjoying myself very much.
Judith It’s very sweet of you to say so, but I don’t see how you can be.
Richard Laughing suddenly. But I am!
Judith There now! that was quite a genuine laugh. We’re getting on. Are you in love with Sorel?
Richard Surprised and embarrassed. In love with Sorel?
Judith Repentantly. Now I’ve killed it⁠—I’ve murdered the little tender feeling of comfort that was stealing over you, by sheer tactlessness! Will you teach me to be tactful?
Richard Did you really think I was in love with Sorel?
Judith It’s so difficult to tell, isn’t it?⁠—I mean, you might not know yourself. She’s very attractive.
Richard Yes, she is⁠—very.
Judith Have you heard her sing?
Richard No, not yet.
Judith She sings beautifully. Are you susceptible to music?
Richard I’m afraid I don’t know very much about it.
Judith You probably are, then. I’ll sing you something.
Richard Please do.
Judith Rising. It’s awfully sad for a woman of my temperament to have a grown-up daughter, you know. I have to put my pride in my pocket and develop in her all the charming little feminine tricks which will eventually cut me out altogether.
Richard That wouldn’t be possible.
Judith I do hope you meant that, because it was a sweet remark. She is at the piano, turning over music.
Richard Following her. Of course I meant it.
Judith Will you lean on the piano in an attentive attitude? It’s such a help.
Richard You’re an extraordinary person.
Judith Beginning to play. In what way extraordinary?
Richard When I first met Sorel, I guessed what you’d be like.
Judith Did you, now? And am I?
Richard Smiling. Exactly.
Judith Oh, well.⁠ ⁠… She plays and sings a little French song.
There is a slight pause when it is finished.
Richard With feeling. Thank you.
Judith Rising from the piano. It’s pretty, isn’t it?
Richard Perfectly enchanting.
Judith Shall we sit down again? She reseats herself on sofa.
Richard Won’t you sing any more?
Judith No, no more⁠—I want you to talk to me and tell me all about yourself, and the things you’ve done.
Richard I’ve done nothing.
Judith What a shame! Why not?
Richard I never realise how dead I am until I meet people like you. It’s depressing, you know.
Judith What nonsense! You’re not a bit dead.
Richard Do you always live here?
Judith I’m going to, from now onwards. I intend to sink into a very beautiful old age. When the children marry, I shall wear a cap.
Richard Smiling. How absurd!
Judith I don’t mean a funny cap.
Richard You’re far too full of vitality to sink into anything.
Judith It’s entirely spurious vitality. If you troubled to look below the surface, you’d find a very wistful and weary spirit. I’ve been battling with life for a long time.
Richard Surely such successful battles as yours have been are not wearying?
Judith Yes, they are⁠—frightfully. I’ve reached an age now when I just want to sit back and let things go on around me⁠—and they do.
Richard I should like to know exactly what you’re thinking about⁠—really.
Judith I was thinking of calling you Richard. It’s such a nice uncompromising name.
Richard I should be very flattered if you would.
Judith I won’t suggest you calling me Judith until you feel really comfortable about me.
Richard But I do⁠—Judith.
Judith I’m awfully glad. Will you give me a cigarette?
Richard Producing case. Certainly.
Judith Taking one. That’s a divine case.
Richard It was given to me in Japan three years ago. All those little designs mean things.
Judith Bending over it. What sort of things?
Richard Charms for happiness, and luck, and⁠—love.
Judith Which is the charm for love?
Richard That one.
Judith What a dear!
Richard Kissing her gently. Judith!
Judith Jumping. Richard!
Richard I’m afraid I couldn’t help it.
Judith Dramatically. What are we to do? What are we to do?
Richard I don’t know.
Judith David must be told⁠—everything!
Richard Alarmed. Everything?
Judith Enjoying herself. Yes, yes. There come moments in life when it is necessary to be honest⁠—absolutely honest. I’ve trained myself always to shun the underhand methods other women so often employ⁠—the truth must be faced fair and square⁠—
Richard Extremely alarmed. The truth? I don’t quite understand.
Judith Dear Richard, you want to spare me, I know⁠—you’re so chivalrous; but it’s no use. After all, as I said before, David has been a good husband to me, according to his lights. This may, of course, break him up rather, but it can’t be helped; he must be told. I wonder⁠—oh, I wonder how he’ll take it. They say suffering’s good for writers, it strengthens their psychology. Oh, my poor, poor David!⁠—Never mind. You’d better go out into the garden and wait⁠—
Richard Flustered. Wait? What for?
Judith For me, Richard, for me. I will come to you later. Wait in the summerhouse. I had begun to think that Romance was dead, that I should never know it again. Before, of course, I had my work and my life in the theatre, but now, nothing⁠—nothing! Everything is empty and hollow, like a broken shell.
Richard Look here, Judith, I apologise for what I did just now. I⁠—
Judith Ignoring all interruption. But now you have come, and it’s all changed⁠—it’s magic. I’m under a spell that I never thought to recapture again. Go along⁠—She pushes him towards the garden.
Richard Protesting. But, Judith⁠—
Judith Pushing him firmly. Don’t⁠—don’t make it any harder for me. I am quite resolved⁠—it is my self-appointed Calvary, and it’s the only possible way!

She pushes him into the garden and waves to him bravely with her handkerchief; then she comes back into the room and powders her nose before the glass and puts her hair into place. Then, assuming an expression of restrained tragedy, she opens the library door, from which she recoils genuinely shocked.

After a moment or two Sorel and Sandy come out rather sheepishly.

Sorel Look here, Mother, I⁠—
Judith Sorel, what am I to say to you?
Sorel I don’t know, Mother.
Judith Neither do I.
Sandy It was my fault, Mrs. Bliss⁠—Judith⁠—
Judith What a fool I’ve been! What a blind fool!
Sorel Mother, are you really upset?
Judith With feeling. I’m stunned.
Sorel But, darling⁠—
Judith Gently. Don’t speak for a moment, Sorel; we must all be very quiet, and think⁠—
Sorel It was nothing, really. For Heaven’s sake⁠—
Judith Nothing! I open the library door casually, and what do I see? I ask you, what do I see?
Sandy I’m most awfully sorry.⁠ ⁠…
Judith Ssshh! It has gone beyond superficial apologies.
Sorel Mother, be natural for a minute.
Judith I don’t know what you mean, Sorel. I’m trying to realise a very bitter truth as calmly as I can.
Sorel There’s nothing so very bitter about it.
Judith My poor child!
Sorel Suddenly. Very well, then! I love Sandy, and he loves me!
Judith That would be the only possible excuse for your behaviour.
Sorel Why shouldn’t we love each other if we want to?
Judith Sandy was in love with me this afternoon.
Sorel Not real love⁠—you know it wasn’t.
Judith Bitterly. I know now.
Sandy I say⁠—look here⁠—I’m most awfully sorry.
Judith There’s nothing to be sorry for, really; it’s my fault for having been so⁠—so ridiculous.
Sorel Mother!
Judith Sadly. Yes, ridiculous. I’m getting old, old, and the sooner I face it the better.
Sorel Hopelessly. But, darling.⁠ ⁠…
Judith Splendidly. Youth will be served. You’re so pretty, Sorel, far prettier than I ever was⁠—I’m very glad you’re pretty.
Sandy I feel a fearful cad.
Judith Why should you? You’ve answered the only call that really counts⁠—the call of Love, and Romance, and Spring. I forgive you, Sandy, completely. There.
Sorel Well, that’s all right, then.
Judith I resent your tone, Sorel; you seem to be taking things too much for granted. Perhaps you don’t realise that I am making a great sacrifice!
Sorel Sorry, darling.
Judith It’s far from easy, at my time of life, to⁠—
Sorel Playing up. Mother⁠—Mother, say you understand and forgive!
Judith Understand! You forget, dear, I am a woman.
Sorel I know you are, Mother. That’s what makes it all so poignant.
Judith Magnanimously, to Sandy. If you want Sorel, truly, I give her to you⁠—unconditionally.
Sandy Dazed. Thanks⁠—awfully, Mrs. Bliss.
Judith You can still call me Judith, can’t you?⁠—it’s not much to ask.
Sandy Judith.
Judith Bravely. There, now. Away with melancholy. This is all tremendously exciting, and we must all be very happy.
Sorel Don’t tell Father⁠—yet.
Judith We won’t tell anybody; it shall be our little secret.
Sorel You are splendid, Mother.
Judith Nonsense. I just believe in being honest with myself⁠—it’s awfully good for one, you know, so cleansing. I’m going upstairs now to have a little aspirin⁠—She goes upstairs, and turns. Ah, Youth, Youth, what a strange, mad muddle you make of things! She goes off.
Sorel heaves a slight sigh, and takes a cigarette.
Sorel Well, that’s that.
Sandy Yes.
Sorel It’s all right. Don’t look so gloomy⁠—I know you don’t love me really.
Sandy Startled. I say, Sorel⁠—
Sorel Don’t protest; you know you don’t⁠—any more than I love you.
Sandy But you told Judith⁠—
Sorel Nonchalantly. I was only playing up⁠—one always plays up to Mother in this house; it’s a sort of unwritten law.
Sandy Didn’t she mean all she said?
Sorel No, not really; we none of us ever mean anything.
Sandy She seemed awfully upset.
Sorel It must have been a slight shock for her to discover us clasped tightly in each other’s arms.
Sandy I believe I do love you, Sorel.
Sorel A month ago I should have let you go on believing that, but now I can’t⁠—I’m bent on improving myself.
Sandy I don’t understand.
Sorel Never mind⁠—it doesn’t matter. You just fell a victim to the atmosphere, that’s all. There we were alone in the library, with the windows wide open, and probably a nightingale somewhere about⁠—
Sandy I only heard a cuckoo.
Sorel Even a cuckoo has charm, in moderation. You kissed me because you were awfully nice and I was awfully nice and we both liked kissing very much. It was inevitable. Then Mother found us and got dramatic⁠—her sense of the theatre is always fatal. She knows we shan’t marry, the same as you and I do. You’re under absolutely no obligation to me at all.
Sandy I wish I understood you a bit better.
Sorel Never mind about understanding me. Let’s go back into the library.
Sandy All right.

They go off.

After a moment’s pause, David and Myra enter from the garden.

David … And, you see, he comes in and finds her there waiting for him.
Myra She hadn’t been away at all?
David No; and that’s psychologically right. I’m sure. No woman, under those circumstances, would.
Myra It’s brilliant of you to see that. I do think the whole thing sounds most excellent.
David I got badly stuck in the middle of the book, when the boy comes down from Oxford⁠—but it worked out all right eventually.
Myra Sitting on sofa. When shall I be able to read it?
David I’ll send you the proofs⁠—you can help me correct them.
Myra How divine! I shall feel most important.
David Would you like a cigarette, or anything?
Myra No, thank you.
David I think I’ll have a drink.
Myra Very well; give me some plain soda-water, then.
David Going to side table. There isn’t any ice⁠—d’you mind?
Myra Not a bit.
David Bringing her drink. Here you are.
Myra Thank you. She sips it. I wonder where everybody is.
David Not here, thank God.
Myra It must be dreadfully worrying for you, having a houseful of people.
David Having poured himself out a whisky-and-soda, sits down by her side. It depends on the people.
Myra I have a slight confession to make.
David Confession?
Myra Yes. Do you know why I came down here?
David Not in the least. I suppose one of us asked you, didn’t they?
Myra Oh, yes, they asked me, but⁠—
David Well?
Myra I was invited once before⁠—last September.
David I was in America then.
Myra Exactly.
David How do you mean “exactly”?
Myra I didn’t come. I’m a very determined woman, you know, and I made up my mind to meet you ages ago.
David That was charming of you. I’m not much to meet really.
Myra You see, I’d read Broken Reeds.
David Did you like it?
Myra Like it! I think it’s one of the finest novels I’ve ever read.
David There now!
Myra How do you manage to know so much about women?
David I’m afraid my knowledge of them is sadly superficial.
Myra Oh, no; you can’t call Evelyn’s character superficial⁠—it’s amazing.
David Why are you being so nice to me? Have you got a plan about something?
Myra Laughing. How suspicious you are!
David I can’t help it⁠—you’re very attractive, and I’m always suspicious of attractive people, on principle.
Myra Not a very good principle.
David I’ll tell you something⁠—strictly between ourselves.
Myra Do.
David You’re wrong about me.
Myra Wrong? In what way?
David I write very bad novels.
Myra Don’t be so ridiculous.
David And you know I do, because you’re an intelligent person.
Myra I don’t know anything of the sort.
David Tell me why you’re being so nice to me?
Myra Because I want to be.
David Why?
Myra You’re a very clever and amusing man.
David Splendid.
Myra And I think I’ve rather lost my heart to you.
David Shall we elope?
Myra David!
David There now, you’ve called me David!
Myra Do you mind?
David Not at all.
Myra I’m not sure that you’re being very kind.
David What makes you think that?
Myra You’re being rather the cynical author laughing up his sleeve at a gushing admirer.
David I think you’re a very interesting woman, and extremely nice-looking.
Myra Do you?
David Yes. Would you like me to make love to you?
Myra Rising. Really⁠—I wish you wouldn’t say things like that.
David I’ve knocked you off your plate⁠—I’ll look away for a minute while you climb on to it again. He does so.
Myra Laughing affectedly. This is wonderful! She sits down again.
David Turning. That’s right. Now then⁠—
Myra Now then, what?
David You’re adorable⁠—you’re magnificent⁠—you’re tawny⁠—
Myra I’m not tawny.
David Don’t argue.
Myra This is sheer affectation.
David Affectation’s very nice.
Myra No, it isn’t⁠—it’s odious.
David You mustn’t get cross.
Myra I’m not in the least cross.
David Yes, you are⁠—but you’re very alluring.
Myra Perking up. Alluring?
David Terribly.
Myra I can hear your brain clicking⁠—it’s very funny.
David That was rather rude.
Myra You’ve been consistently rude to me for hours.
David Never mind.
Myra Why have you?
David I’m always rude to people I like.
Myra Do you like me?
David Enormously.
Myra How sweet of you!
David But I don’t like your methods.
Myra Methods? What methods?
David You’re far too pleasant to occupy yourself with the commonplace.
Myra And you spoil yourself by trying to be clever.
David Thank you.
Myra Anyhow, I don’t know what you mean by commonplace.
David You mean you want me to explain?
Myra Not at all.
David Very well; I will.
Myra I shan’t listen. She stops up her ears.
David You’ll pretend not to, but you’ll hear every word really.
Myra Sarcastically. You’re so inscrutable and quizzical⁠—just what a feminine psychologist should be.
David Yes, aren’t I?
Myra You frighten me dreadfully.
David Darling!
Myra Don’t call me darling.
David That’s unreasonable. You’ve been trying to make me⁠—all the evening.
Myra Your conceit is outrageous!
David It’s not conceit at all. You’ve been firmly buttering me up because you want a nice little intrigue.
Myra Rising. How dare you!
David Pulling her down again. It’s true, it’s true. If it weren’t, you wouldn’t be so angry.
Myra I think you’re insufferable!
David Taking her hand. Myra⁠—dear Myra⁠—
Myra Snatching it away. Don’t touch me.
David Let’s have that nice little intrigue. The only reason I’ve been so annoying is that I love to see things as they are first, and then pretend they’re what they’re not.
Myra Words! Masses and masses of words!
David They’re great fun to play with.
Myra I’m glad you think so. Personally, they bore me stiff.
David Catching her hand again. Myra⁠—don’t be statuesque.
Myra Let go my hand!
David You’re charming. He gets up and stands close to her.
Myra Furiously. Let go my hand.
David I won’t.
Myra You will!
She slaps his face hard, and he seizes her in his arms and kisses her.
David Between kisses. You’re⁠—perfectly⁠—sweet.
Myra Giving in. David!
David You must say it’s an entrancing amusement. He kisses her again.
Judith appears at the top of the stairs and sees them. They break away.
Judith Coming down. Forgive me for interrupting.
David Are there any chocolates in the house?
Judith No, David.
David I should like a chocolate more than anything in the world, at the moment.
Judith This is a very unpleasant situation, David.
David Agreeably. Horrible.
Judith We’d better talk it all over.
Myra Making a movement. I shall do nothing of the sort.
Judith Please⁠—please don’t be difficult.
David I apologise, Judith.
Judith Don’t apologise⁠—I quite understand.
Myra Please let go of my hand, David; I should like to go to bed.
Judith I should stay if I were you⁠—it would be more dignified.
David There isn’t any real necessity for a scene.
Judith I don’t want a scene. I just want to straighten things out.
David Very well⁠—go ahead.
Judith June has always been an unlucky month for me.
Myra Look here, Judith, I’d like to explain one thing⁠—
Judith Austerely. I don’t wish to hear any explanations or excuses⁠—they’re so cheapening. This was bound to happen sooner or later⁠—it always does, to everybody. The only thing is to keep calm.
David I am⁠—perfectly.
Judith Sharply. There is such a thing as being too calm.
David Sorry, dear.
Judith Life has dealt me another blow, but I don’t mind.
David What did you say?
Judith Crossly. I said Life had dealt me another blow, but I didn’t mind.
David Rubbish.
Judith Gently. You’re probably irritable, dear, because you’re in the wrong. It’s quite usual.
David Now, Judith⁠—
Judith Ssshhh! Let me speak⁠—it is my right.
Myra I don’t see why.
Judith Surprised. I am the injured party, am I not?
Myra Injured?
Judith Firmly. Yes, extremely injured.
David Contemptuously. Injured!
Judith Your attitude, David, is nothing short of deplorable.
David It’s all nonsense⁠—sheer, unbridled nonsense.
Judith No, David, you can’t evade the real issues as calmly as that. I’ve known for a long time⁠—I’ve realised subconsciously for years that you’ve stopped caring for me in “that way.”
David Irritably. What do you mean⁠—“that way”?
Judith With a wave of the hand. Just that way.⁠ ⁠… It’s rather tragic, but quite inevitable. I’m growing old now⁠—men don’t grow old like women, as you’ll find to your cost, Myra, in a year or two. David has retained his youth astonishingly, perhaps because he has had fewer responsibilities and cares than I⁠—
Myra This is all ridiculous hysteria.
David Looking at her and not liking her very much. No, Myra⁠—Judith is right. What are we to do?
Myra Furious. Do? Nothing!
Judith Ignoring her. Do you love her truly, David?
David Madly.
Myra Astounded. David!
David Intensely. You thought just now that I was joking. Couldn’t you see that all my flippancy was only a mask, hiding my real emotions⁠—crushing them down desperately⁠—?
Myra Scared. But, David, I⁠—
Judith I knew it! The time has come for the dividing of the ways.
Myra What on earth do you mean?
Judith I mean that I am not the sort of woman to hold a man against his will.
Myra You’re both making a mountain out of a molehill. David doesn’t love me madly, and I don’t love him. It’s⁠—
Judith Ssshhh!⁠—you do love him. I can see it in your eyes⁠—in your every gesture. David, I give you to her⁠—freely and without rancour. We must all be good friends, always.
David Judith, do you mean this?
Judith With a melting look. You know I do.
David How can we ever repay you?
Judith Just by being happy. I may leave this house later on⁠—I have a feeling that its associations may become painful, specially in the autumn⁠—
Myra Look here, Judith⁠—
Judith Shouting her down. October is such a mournful month in England. I think I shall probably go abroad⁠—perhaps a pension somewhere in Italy, with cypresses in the garden. I’ve always loved cypresses.
David What about the children?
Judith We must share them, dear.
David I’ll pay you exactly half the royalties I receive from everything, Judith.
Judith Bowing her head. That’s very generous of you.
David You have behaved magnificently. This is a crisis in our lives, and thanks to you⁠—
Myra Almost shrieking. Judith⁠—I will speak⁠—I⁠—
David Ssshhh, Myra darling⁠—we owe it to Judith to keep control of our emotions⁠—a scene would be agonising for her now. She has been brave and absolutely splendid throughout. Let’s not make things harder for her than we can help. Come, we’ll go out into the garden.
Myra I will not go out into the garden.
Judith Twisting her handkerchief. Please go⁠—I don’t think I can bear any more just now.
David So this is the end, Judith?
Judith Yes, my dear⁠—the end.

They shake hands sadly.

Simon enters violently from the garden.

Simon Mother⁠—Mother, I’ve got something important to tell you.
Judith Smiling bravely. Very well, dear.
Simon Where’s Sorel?
Judith In the library, I’m afraid.
Simon Opening library door. Sorel, come out⁠—I’ve got something vital to tell you.
David Fatherly. You seem excited, my boy. What has happened?
Sorel Entering with Sandy. What’s the matter?
Simon I wish you wouldn’t all look so depressed⁠—it’s good news!
David Good news! I thought perhaps Jackie had been drowned⁠—
Simon No, Jackie hasn’t been drowned⁠—she’s been something else.
Judith Simon, what do you mean?
Simon Calling. Jackie⁠—Jackie!
Jackie enters coyly from the garden.
She has become engaged⁠—to me!
Judith In heartfelt tones. Simon!
Sorel Good heavens!
Judith Simon, my dear! Oh, this is too much! She cries a little.
Simon What on earth are you crying about, Mother?
Judith Picturesquely. All my chicks leaving the nest. Now I shall only have my memories left. Jackie, come and kiss me.
Jackie goes to her.
You must promise to make my son happy⁠—
Jackie Worried. But, Mrs. Bliss⁠—
Judith Ssshhh! I understand. I have not been a mother for nothing.
Jackie Wildly. But it’s not true⁠—we don’t⁠—
Judith You’re trying to spare my feelings⁠—I know⁠—
Myra Furiously. Well, I’m not going to spare your feelings, or anyone else’s. You’re the most infuriating set of hypocrites I’ve ever seen. This house is a complete featherbed of false emotions⁠—you’re posing, self-centred egotists, and I’m sick to death of you.
Simon Myra!
Myra Don’t speak to me⁠—I’ve been working up for this, only every time I opened my mouth I’ve been mowed down by theatrical effects. You haven’t got one sincere or genuine feeling among the lot of you⁠—you’re artificial to the point of lunacy. It’s a great pity you ever left the stage, Judith⁠—it’s your rightful home. You can rant and roar there as much as ever you like⁠—
Judith Rant and roar! May God forgive you!
Myra And let me tell you this⁠—
Simon Interrupting. I’m not going to allow you to say another word to Mother⁠—
Sorel You ought to be ashamed of yourself⁠—
Myra Let me speak⁠—I will speak⁠—
David Look here, Myra⁠—
Judith This is appalling⁠—appalling!
Sorel You must be stark, staring mad⁠—
Myra Never again⁠—never as long as I live⁠—
David You don’t seem to grasp one thing that⁠—
Simon Why are you behaving like this, anyhow?
In the middle of the pandemonium of everyone talking at once, Richard comes in from the garden. He looks extremely apprehensive, imagining that the noise is the outcome of Judith’s hysterical confession of their lukewarm passion. He goes to Judith’s side, summoning all his diplomatic forces. At his entrance everyone stops talking.
Richard With forced calm. What’s happened? Is this a game?
Judith’s face gives a slight twitch; then with a meaning look at Sorel and Simon, she answers him.
Judith With spirit. Yes, and a game that must be played to the finish!
Simon Grasping the situation. Zara! What does this mean?
Judith In bell-like tones. So many illusions shattered⁠—so many dreams trodden in the dust⁠—
David Collapsing on to the sofa in hysterics. Love’s whirlwind! Dear old Love’s whirlwind!
Sorel I don’t understand. You and Victor⁠—My God!
Judith Hush! Isn’t that little Pam crying⁠—?
Simon Savagely. She’ll cry more, poor mite, when she realises her mother is a⁠—a⁠—
Judith Shrieking. Don’t say it! Don’t say it!
Sorel Spare her that.
Judith I’ve given you all that makes life worth living⁠—my youth, my womanhood, and now my child. Would you tear the very heart out of me? I tell you, it’s infamous that men like you should be allowed to pollute Society. You have ruined my life. I have nothing left⁠—nothing. God in heaven, where am I to turn for help.⁠ ⁠…
Sorel Through clenched teeth. Is this true? Answer me⁠—is this true?
Judith Wailing. Yes, yes!
Sorel Springing at Simon. You cur!!!
Judith Rushing between them. Don’t strike! He is your father! She totters and falls in a dead faint.
Myra, Jackie, Richard and Sandy look on, dazed and aghast.
Curtain.