XV
It was midday, and more than twelve hours after he had left Carlingford, before Mr. Wentworth reached the Rectory. He had snatched a few hours’ sleep in London, where he was obliged to pause because of the trains, which did not correspond; and accordingly, though he was very anxious about Gerald, it was with a mien and gait very much like his usual appearance that he jumped out of the railway carriage at the little station which was on his father’s property, and where everybody knew the Squire’s son. Left in entire uncertainty as he was in respect to the trouble which had overtaken his brother, it was a little comfort to the Curate to find that everybody looked surprised to see him, and that nobody seemed to know of any cause demanding his presence. All was well at the Hall, so far as the stationmaster knew; and as for the Rector, he had no special place in the local report which the handiest porter supplied “Mr. Frank”—a blessed neglect, which was very consolatory to the heart of the anxious brother, to whom it became evident that nothing had happened, and who began to hope that Gerald’s wife, who never was very wise, had been seized with some merely fantastic terror. With this hope he walked on briskly upon the familiar road to his brother’s house, recovering his courage, and falling back upon his own thoughts, and at last taking pleasure in the idea of telling all his troubles to Gerald, and getting strength and enlightenment from his advice. He had come quite into this view of the subject when he arrived at the Rectory, and saw the pretty old-fashioned house, with its high ivied garden-walls, and the famous cedar on the lawn, standing all secure and sweet in the early sunshine, like something too steadfast to be moved, as if sorrow or conflict could never enter there. Unconsciously to himself, the perfect tranquillity of everything altered the entire scope of Frank Wentworth’s thoughts. He was no longer in anxiety about his brother. He was going to ask Gerald’s advice upon his own troubles, and lay the difficulties and dangers of his position before the clear and lucid eyes of the best man he ever knew.
It shook him a little out of his position, however, to find himself admitted with a kind of scared expectation by Mrs. Gerald Wentworth’s maid, who made no exclamation of wonder at the sight of him, but opened the door in a troubled, stealthy way, strangely unlike the usual customs of the place. “Is my brother at home?” said the Curate, going in with a step that rang on the hall, and a voice that sounded into the house. He would have proceeded straight, as usual, to Gerald’s study after this question, which was one of form merely, but for the disturbed looks of the woman, who put up her hand imploringly. “Oh hush! Mr. Frank; hush! My mistress wants to see you first. She said I was to show you into her sitting-room,” said the maid, half in a whisper, and led him hastily down a side-passage to a little out-of-the-way room, which he knew was where Louisa was wont to retire when she had her headaches, as was well known to all the house of Wentworth. The Curate went in with some impatience and some alarm to this retired apartment. His eyes, dazzled by the sunshine, could not penetrate at first the shadowy greenness of the room, which, what with the trees without and the Venetian blind within, was lost in a kind of twilight, grateful enough after a while, but bewildering at the first moment. Out of this darkness somebody rose as he entered, and walked into his arms with trembling eagerness. “Oh Frank, I am so thankful you are come! now perhaps something may be done; for you always understood,” said his little sister-in-law, reaching up to kiss him. She was a tiny little woman, with soft eyes and a tender little blooming face, which he had never before seen obscured by any cloud, or indeed moved by any particular sentiment. Now the firmament was all overcast, and Louisa, it was evident, had been sitting in the shade of her drawn blinds, having a quiet cry, and going into all her grievances. To see such a serene creature all clouded over and full of tears, gave the Curate a distinct shock of alarm and anxiety. He led her back to her sofa, seeing clearer and clearer, as he watched her face, the plaintive lines of complaint, the heavy burden of trouble which she was about to cast on his shoulders. He grew more and more afraid as he looked at her. “Is Gerald ill?” he said, with a thrill of terror; but even this could scarcely account for the woeful look of all the accessories to the picture.
“Oh, Frank, I am so glad you are come!” said Louisa through her tears. “I felt sure you would come when you got my letter. Your father thinks I make a fuss about nothing, and Cuthbert and Guy do nothing but laugh at me, as if they could possibly know; but you always understand me, Frank. I knew it was just as good as sending for a brother of my own; indeed better,” said Mrs. Wentworth, wiping her eyes; “for though Gerald is using me so badly, I would not expose him out of his own family, or have people making remarks—oh, not for the world!”
“Expose him!” said the Curate, with unutterable astonishment. “You don’t mean to say you have any complaint to make about Gerald?” The idea was so preposterous that Frank Wentworth laughed; but it was not a laugh pleasant to hear.
“Oh, Frank, if you but knew all,” said Louisa; “what I have had to put up with for months—all my best feelings outraged, and so many things to endure that were dreadful to think of. And I that was always brought up so differently; but now,” cried the poor little woman, bursting into renewed tears, “it’s come to such a pass that it can’t be concealed any longer. I think it will break my heart; people will be sure to say I have been to blame; and how I am ever to hold up my head in society, and what is to be my name, and whether I am to be considered a widow—”
“A widow!” cried the Perpetual Curate, in utter consternation.
“Or worse,” sobbed Gerald’s poor little wife: “it feels like being divorced—as if one had done something wrong; and I am sure I never did anything to deserve it; but when your husband is a Romish priest,” cried the afflicted woman, pressing her handkerchief to her eyes, “I would just ask anybody what are you? You can’t be his wife, because he is not allowed to have any wife; and you can’t go back to your maiden name, because of the children; and how can you have any place in society? Oh, Frank, I think I shall go distracted,” said poor Louisa; “it will feel as if one had done something wicked, and been put out of the pale. How can I be called Mrs. Wentworth any more when my husband has left me? and even if he is a priest, and can’t have any wife, still he will be alive, and I shall not have the satisfaction of being a widow even. I am sure I don’t know what I say,” she concluded, with a fresh outburst; “for to be a widow would be a poor satisfaction, and I don’t know how I could ever, ever live without Gerald; but to feel as if you were an improper person, and all the children’s prospects in life!—Oh, Frank!” cried the weeping Louisa, burying her face in her handkerchief, “I think I shall go distracted, and my heart will break.”
To all this strange and unexpected revelation the startled Curate listened like a man in a dream. Possibly his sister-in-law’s representation of this danger, as seen entirely from her own point of view, had a more alarming effect upon him that any other statement of the case. He could have gone into Gerald’s difficulties with so much sympathy and fellow-feeling that the shock would have been trifling in comparison; and between Rome and the highest level of Anglicanism there was no such difference as to frighten the accustomed mind of the Curate of St. Roque’s. But, seen from Louisa’s side, matters appeared very different: here the foundations of the earth were shaking, and life itself going to pieces; even the absurdity of her distress made the whole business more real; and the poor little woman, whose trouble was that she herself would neither be a wife nor a widow, had enough of truth on her side to unfold a miserable picture to the eyes of the anxious spectator. He did not know what answer to make her; and perhaps it was a greater consolation to poor Louisa to be permitted to run on—
“And you know it never needed to have come to this if Gerald had been like other people,” she said, drying her tears, and with a tone of remonstrance. “Of course it is a family living, and it is not likely his own father would have made any disturbance; and there is no other family in the parish but the Skipwiths, and they are great friends, and never would have said a word. He might have preached in six surplices if he had liked,” cried poor Louisa—“who would have minded? And as for confession, and all that, I don’t believe there is anybody in the world who had done any wrong that could have helped confessing to Gerald; he is so good—oh, Frank, you know he is so good!” said the exasperated little wife, overcome with fondness and admiration and impatience, “and there is nobody in the parish that I ever heard of that does not worship him; but when I tell him so, he never pays the least attention. And then Edward Plumstead and he go on talking about subscription, and signing articles, and nonsense, till they make my head swim. Nobody, I am sure, wants Gerald to subscribe or sign articles. I am sure I would subscribe any amount,” cried the poor little woman, once more falling into tears—“a thousand pounds if I had it, Frank—only to make him hear reason; for why should he leave Wentworth, where he can do what he likes, and nobody will interfere with him? The Bishop is an old friend of my father’s, and I am sure he never would say anything; and as for candles and crosses and—anything he pleases, Frank—”
Here poor Louisa paused, and put her hand on his arm, and looked up wistfully into his face. She wanted to convince herself that she was right, and that the faltering dread she had behind all this, of something more mysterious than candles or crosses—something which she did not attempt to understand—was no real spectre after all. “Oh, Frank, I am sure I never would oppose him, nor your father, nor anybody; and why should he go and take some dreadful step, and upset everything?” said Mrs. Wentworth. “Oh, Frank! we will not even have enough to live upon; and as for me, if Gerald leaves me, how shall I ever hold up my head again, or how will anybody know how to behave to me? I can’t call myself Miss Leighton again, after being married so long; and if I am not his wife, what shall I be?” Her crying became hysterical as she came back to this point; and Mr. Wentworth sat by her trying to soothe her, as wretched as herself.
“But I must see Gerald, Louisa,” said the Curate; “he has never written to me about this. Perhaps things have not gone so far as you think; but as for the crosses and the candles, you know, and not being interfered with—”
“I would promise to do anything he likes,” cried the weeping woman. “I never would worry him any more about anything. After aunt Leonora was here, perhaps I said things I should not have said; but, oh Frank, whatever he likes to do I am sure I will give in to it. I don’t really mind seeing him preach in his surplice, only you know poor papa was so very Low-Church; and as for the candles, what are they to pleasing one’s husband? Oh, Frank, if you would only tell him—I can’t argue about things like a man—tell him nobody will ever interfere, and he shall do whatever he pleases. I trust to you to say everything,” said the poor wife. “You can reason with him and explain things. Nobody understands Gerald like you. You will not forsake me in my trouble, Frank? I thought immediately of you. I knew you could help us, if anybody could. You will tell him all I have said,” she continued, rising as Mr. Wentworth rose, and going after him to the door, to impress once more upon him the necessities of the case. “Oh, Frank, remember how much depends upon it!—everything in the world for me, and all the children’s prospects in life; and he would be miserable himself if he were to leave us. You know he would?” said Louisa, looking anxiously into his face, and putting her hand on his arm. “Oh, Frank, you don’t think Gerald could be happy without the children—and me?”
The terrible thought silenced her. She stopped crying, and a kind of tearless horror and dread came over her face. She was not very wise, but her heart was tender and full of love in its way. What if perhaps this life, which had gone so smoothly over her unthinking head without any complications, should turn out to be a lie, and her happiness a mere delusion? She could not have put her thoughts into words, but the doubt suddenly came over her, putting a stop to all her lamentations. If perhaps Gerald could be happy without the children and herself, what dreadful fiction had all her joy been built upon! Such an inarticulate terror seemed to stop the very beating of her heart. It was not a great calamity only but an overthrowal of all confidence in life; and she shivered before it like a dumb creature piteously beholding an approaching agony which it could not comprehend. The utterance of her distress was arrested upon her lips—she looked up to her brother with an entreating look, so suddenly intensified and grown desperate that he was startled by it. It alarmed him so much that he turned again to lead her back to her sofa, wondering what momentary passion it could be which had woke such a sudden world of confused meaning in Louisa’s eyes.
“You may be sure he could not,” said the Curate, warmly. “Not happy, certainly; but to men like Gerald there are things in the world dearer than happiness,” he said, after a little pause, with a sigh, wondering to himself whether, if Lucy Wodehouse were his, his dearest duty could make him consent to part with her. “If he thinks of such a step, he must think of it as of martyrdom—is that a comfort to you?” he continued, bending, in his pity and wonder, over the trembling wife, who burst forth into fresh tears as he spoke, and forgot her momentary horror.
“Oh, Frank, go and speak to him, and tell him how miserable I am, and what a dreadful thing it would be; tell him everything, Frank. Oh, don’t leave him till you have persuaded him. Go, go; never mind me,” cried Mrs. Wentworth; and then she went to the door after him once more—“Don’t say I sent for you. He—he might not be pleased,” she said, in her faltering, eager voice; “and oh, Frank, consider how much hangs upon what you say.” When he left her, Louisa stood at the door watching him as he went along the passage towards her husband’s room. It was a forlorn-hope; but still the unreasoning, uncomprehending heart took a little comfort from it. She watched his figure disappearing along the narrow passage with a thrill of mingled anxiety and hope; arguing with Gerald, though it was so ineffectual when she tried it, might still be of some avail in stronger hands. His brother understood him, and could talk to him better than anybody else could; and though she had never convinced anybody of anything all her life, Mrs. Wentworth had an inalienable confidence in the effect of “being talked to.” In the momentary stimulus she went back to her darkened room and drew up the blind, and went to work in a tremulous way; but as the slow time went on, and Frank did not return, poor Louisa’s courage failed her; her fingers refused their office, and she began to imagine all sorts of things that might be going on in Gerald’s study. Perhaps the argument might be going the wrong way; perhaps Gerald might be angry at his brother’s interference; perhaps they might come to words—they who had been such good friends—and it would be her fault. She jumped up with her heart beating loud when she heard a door opened somewhere; but when nobody came, grew sick and faint, and hid her face, in the impatience of her misery. Then the feeling grew upon her that those precious moments were decisive, and that she must make one last appeal, or her heart would burst. She tried to resist the impulse in a feeble way, but it was not her custom to resist impulses, and it got the better of her; and this was why poor Louisa rushed into the library, just as Frank thought he had made a little advance in his pleading, and scattered his eloquence to the winds with a set of dreadful arguments which were all her own.