XXIII

Said Patsy:

“There isn’t very much to tell, but this is how it happened.

“About two weeks before your dog died myself and the girl were tramping up towards Dublin. We hadn’t got the ass with us that time, for it was in pawn to a woman that peddled fish in the southwest of Connemara. She was keeping the ass and cart for us while we were away, and she was going to give us something for their loan at the heel of the season. She was an old rip, that one, for she sold the ass on us to one man and she sold the cart to another man, and we had the trouble of the world getting the pair of them together again⁠—but that’s no matter.

“One morning, fresh and early, we were beating along a road that comes down from the mountains and runs away into Donnybrook. I had just picked up a little goose that I found walking along with its nose up, and I thought maybe we could sell the creature to some person in the city who wanted a goose.

“We turned a bend in the road (it’s a twisty district), and there I saw two men sitting on the grass on each side of the path. The two men were sitting with the full width of the road between them, and they were clean, stark, stone naked.

“They hadn’t got as much as a shirt; they hadn’t a hat; they hadn’t got anything at all on them barring their skins.

“ ‘Whoo!’ said I to myself, and I caught a grip of the girl. ‘We’ll be taking another road,’ said I, and round we sailed with the goose and all.

“But the two men came after us, and what with the goose and the girl, they caught up on us too.

“One of them was a bullet-headed thief and he did look as if he had been rolled in tar, and I hope he was. The other was a dandy lad that never got his hair cut since he was a mother’s boy.

“ ‘Be off with the pair of you,’ said I, ‘ye indecent devils. What do ye want with honest folk and you in your pelt?’

“The bullet-headed one was bouncing round me like a rubber ball.

“ ‘Take off your clothes, mister,’ said he.

“ ‘What!’ said I.

“ ‘Take off your clothes quick,’ said he, ‘or I’ll kill you.’

“So, with that I jumped into the middle of the road, and I up with the goose, and I hit that chap such a welt on the head that the goose bursted. Then the lad was into me and we went round the road like thunder and lightning till the other fellow joined in, and then Mary welted into the lot of us with a stick that she had, but they didn’t mind her any more than a fly. Before you could whistle, mister, they had me stripped to the buff, and before you could whistle again they had the girl stripped, and the pair of them were going down the road as hard as ever they could pelt with our clothes under their oxters.”

“Begor!” said Billy the Music.

“I tell you so,” grinned Patsy.

“There was herself and myself standing in the middle of the road with nothing to cover our nakedness but a bursted goose.”

“That was the queer sight,” said Billy the Music looking thoughtfully at Mary.

“You keep your eyes to yourself, mister,” said Mary hotly.

“What did you do then?” said Billy.

“We sat down on the side of the road for a long time until we heard footsteps and then we hid ourselves.

“I peeped over the hedge and there was a man coming along the path. He was a nice-looking man with a black bag in his hand and he was walking fast. When he came exactly opposite me I jumped the hedge and I took the clothes off him⁠—”

Billy the Music slapped his palm on his knee.

“You did so!”

“I did so,” said Patsy.

“He was grumbling all the time, but as soon as I let him loose he started to run, and that was the last I saw of him.

“After a bit a woman came along the road, and Mary took the clothes off her. She was a quiet, poor soul, and she didn’t say a word to either of us. We left her the goose and the man’s black bag for payment, and then the pair of us started off, and we didn’t stop running till we came to the County Kerry.

“These are the clothes I’m telling you about,” said Patsy; “I have them on me this minute.”

“It’s a great story,” said Billy the Music.

“I can tell you something further about these people,” said Caeltia smiling.

“Can you so?” cried Patsy.

“I can, but the man here hasn’t finished what he was telling us.”

“I was forgetting him,” said Mac Cann. “Put another pinch in your pipe, mister, and tell us what happened to you after that.”