VIII

How Simplicissimus by His Noble Discourse Proclaimed His Excellent Qualities

Hermit What is thy name?
Simplicissimus My name is “Lad.”
Hermit I can see well enough that thou art no girl: but how did thy father and mother call thee?
Simplicissimus I never had either father or mother.
Hermit Who gave thee then thy shirt?
Simplicissimus Oho! Why, my mammy.
Hermit What did thy mother call thee?
Simplicissimus She called me “Lad,” ay, and “rogue, silly gaby, and gallowsbird.”
Hermit Who, then, was thy mammy’s husband?
Simplicissimus No one.
Hermit With whom, then, did thy mammy sleep at night?
Simplicissimus With my dad.
Hermit What did thy dad call thee?
Simplicissimus He called me “Lad.”
Hermit What was his name?
Simplicissimus His name was Dad.
Hermit What did thy mammy call him?
Simplicissimus Dad, and sometimes also “Master.”
Hermit Did she never call him aught besides?
Simplicissimus Yea, that did she.
Hermit And what then?
Simplicissimus “Beast,” “coarse brute,” “drunken pig,” and other the like, when she would scold him.
Hermit Thou beest but an ignorant creature, that knowest not thy parents’ name nor thine own.
Simplicissimus Oho! neither dost thou know it.
Hermit Canst thou say thy prayers?
Simplicissimus Nay, my mammy and our Ursel did uprear the beds.
Hermit I ask thee not that, but whether thou knowest thy Paternoster?
Simplicissimus That do I.
Hermit Say it then.
Simplicissimus Our father which art heaven, hallowed be name, to thy kingdom come, thy will come down on earth as it says heaven, give us debts as we give our debtors: lead us not into no temptation, but deliver us from the kingdom, the power, and the glory, forever and ever. Amen.
Hermit God help us! Knowest thou naught of our Blessed Lord God?
Simplicissimus Yea, yea: ’tis he that stood by our chamber-door; my mammy brought him home from the church feast and stuck him up there.
Hermit O Gracious God, now for the first time do I perceive what a great favour and benefit it is when Thou impartest knowledge of Thyself, and how naught a man is to whom Thou givest it not! O Lord, vouchsafe to me so to honour Thy holy name that I be worthy to be as zealous in my thanks for this great grace as Thou hast been liberal in the granting of it. Hark now, Simplicissimus (for I can call thee by no other name), when thou sayest thy Paternoster, thou must say this: “Our Father which art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name: Thy kingdom come: Thy will be done in earth as it is in heaven: give us this day our daily bread⁠ ⁠…”
Simplicissimus Oho there! ask for cheese too!
Hermit Ah, dear child, keep silence and learn that thou needest more than cheese: thou art indeed loutish, as thy mammy told thee: ’tis not the part of lads like thee to interrupt an old man, but to be silent, to listen, and to learn. Did I but know where thy parents dwelt, I would fain bring thee to them, and then teach them how to bring up children.
Simplicissimus I know not whither to go. Our house is burnt, and my mammy ran off and was fetched back with our Ursula, and my dad too, and our maid was sick and lying in the stable.
Hermit And who did burn the house?
Simplicissimus Aha! there came iron men that sat on things as big as oxen, yet having no horns: which same men did slaughter sheep and cows and swine, and so I ran too, and then was the house burnt.
Hermit Where was thy dad then?
Simplicissimus Aha! the iron men tied him up and our old goat was set to lick his feet. So he must needs laugh, and give the iron men many silver pennies, big and little, and fair yellow things and some that glittered, and fine strings full of little white balls.
Hermit And when did this come to pass?
Simplicissimus Why, even when I should have been keeping of sheep: yea, and they would even take from me my bagpipe.
Hermit But when was it that thou shouldst have been keeping sheep?
Simplicissimus What, canst thou not hear? Even then when the iron men came: and then our Anna bade me run away, or the soldiers would carry me off: and by that she meant the iron men: so I ran off and so I came hither.
Hermit And whither wilt thou now?
Simplicissimus Truly I know not: I will stay here with thee.
Hermit Nay, to keep thee here is not to the purpose, either for me or thee. Eat now; and presently I will bring thee where people are.
Simplicissimus Oho! tell me now what manner of things be “people.”
Hermit People be mankind like me and thee: thy dad, thy mammy, and your Ann be mankind, and when there be many together then are they called people: and now go thou and eat.

So was our discourse, in which the hermit often gazed on me with deepest sighs: I know not whether ’twas so because he had great compassion on my simplicity and ignorance, or from that cause, which I learned not until some years later.