What the Colonel Thought
“I’m an old man now,” said Colonel Laporte. “I’ve got the gout, and my legs are as stiff as the posts in a fence, but, damme, if a woman, a pretty woman, ordered me to go through the eye of a needle, I believe I’d jump into it like a clown through a hoop. That’s how I shall die; it’s in the blood. I’m a veteran ladies’ man, I am, an old buffer of the old school. The sight of a woman, a pretty woman, stirs me to my boots. I give you my word it does.
“And we’re all like that, gentlemen, we Frenchmen. We remain knights to our dying day, the knights of love and hazard, now that they’ve done away with God, Whose real bodyguard we used to be.
“But no one can take woman from our hearts. She’s there and she’ll stay there. We love her, and we’ll go on loving her; we’ll do any sort of madness for her, so long as France remains on the map of Europe. And even if France is wiped out, there will always be Frenchmen.
“As for me, when a woman, a pretty woman, looks at me, I feel capable of anything. Why, damme, when I feel her eyes, her damned wonderful eyes, peering into me, sending a flame through my veins, I want to do Lord knows what, to fight, to struggle, to smash the furniture, to show that I’m the strongest, bravest, boldest, and most devoted of mankind.
“And I’m not the only one, not by a long way; the whole French army’s just the same, I swear it. From the private up to the general, we all go forward to the end when there’s a woman, a pretty woman, in the case. Remember what Joan of Arc made us do in the old days. Well, I bet you that if a woman, a pretty woman, had taken command of the army the night before Sedan, when Marshal MacMahon was wounded, we’d have crossed the Prussian lines, by God! and drunk our brandy from their cannons.
“We didn’t need a Trochu in Paris, but a St. Geneviève.
“That reminds me of a little story of the war which proves that, in a woman’s presence, we’re capable of anything.
“I was a plain captain in those days, and was commanding a detachment of scouts fighting a rear guard action in the middle of a district overrun by the Prussians. We were cut off and constantly pursued; we were worn out in body and mind, perishing of exhaustion and hunger.
“Well, before the next day we had to reach Barsur-Tain or we were done for, cut off and wiped out. How we had escaped so long I don’t know. We had twelve leagues to march during the night, on empty stomachs, through the snow, which was thick on the ground and still falling. I thought: ‘This is the end; my poor lads will never get through.’
“We had eaten nothing since the previous day. All day long we stayed hidden in a barn, huddled against one another for greater warmth, incapable of motion or speech, sleeping by fits and starts, as a man does when utterly exhausted with fatigue.
“It was dark by five o’clock, with the livid darkness of a snowy day. I shook my men; many refused to rise, unable to move or to stand up, their joints stiff with the cold and so forth.
“In front of us stretched the plain, a perfect swine of a plain, without a scrap of cover, with the snow coming down. It fell and fell, like a curtain, in white flakes, hiding everything under a heavy mantle, frozen, thick and dead, a coverlet of icy wool. It was like the end of the world.
“ ‘Come on, boys. Fall in.’
“They looked at it, the white dust coming down from the sky, and seemed to think: ‘We’ve had enough; as well die here.’
“So I pulled out my revolver, saying:
“ ‘I shoot the first man who funks.’
“And off they went, very slowly, like men whose legs are utterly done for.
“I sent four scouts on in front, three hundred metres ahead; the remainder followed higgledy-piggledy, a confused column, in an order dictated only by the extent of their exhaustion and the length of their steps. I placed the strongest in the rear, with orders to hurry on the laggards with bayonet thrusts … in the back.
“The snow buried us alive, so to speak, powdering caps and capes without thawing upon them, making phantoms of us, as though we were the ghosts of soldiers dead of weariness.
“I said to myself: ‘We’ll never get out of this without a miracle.’
“From time to time we halted for a few minutes for the sake of those who could not keep up. Then no sound could be heard but the faint whisper of the snow, the almost inaudible murmur made by the rush and swirl of the falling flakes.
“Some of the men shook themselves, others did not move.
“Then I would order them to continue the march. Up went the rifles on to their shoulders, and with drowsy limbs they plodded on again.
“Suddenly the scouts came in; something was alarming them. They had heard voices in front of us. I sent six men and a sergeant. And I waited.
“Suddenly a sharp cry, a woman’s scream, pierced the heavy silence of the snow, and in a few minutes two prisoners were brought before me, an old man and a girl.
“I questioned them in a low voice. They were fleeing from the Prussians, who had occupied their house that evening, and who were drunk. The father had been afraid for his daughter, and without even telling their servants, they had both escaped in the dark.
“I at once realised that they were people of the middle class, or even better.
“ ‘Come with us,’ I said to them.
“Off we went. As the old man knew the country, he acted as our guide. The snow stopped falling; the stars came out and the cold grew quite terrible. The young girl, who held her father’s arm, walked with tottering steps, in obvious distress. Several times she murmured: ‘I can’t feel my feet any longer,’ and as for me, I suffered worse to see the poor little woman dragging herself so wearily through the snow.
“Suddenly she stopped.
“ ‘Father,’ she said, ‘I’m so tired I can go no further.’
“The old man wanted to carry her, but he could not even lift her off the ground, and with a deep sigh she fainted.
“They formed a circle round her. As for me, I marked time where I stood, not knowing what to do, and unable to make up my mind to abandon the man and his child.
“Then one of my men, a Parisian who had been nicknamed Slim Jim, suddenly said:
“ ‘Come on, you fellows, we must carry the young lady, or damn me if we’re decent Frenchmen.’
“I believe I swore with pure pleasure.
“ ‘By God, that’s good of you, boys; I’ll take my share in it too.’
“The trees of a small wood were faintly visible on the left through the darkness. Several men fell out and soon returned with a bundle of branches intertwined to form a litter.
“ ‘Who’ll lend his cape?’ said Pratique. ‘It’s for a pretty girl, boys.’
“And ten capes fell round his feet. In a second the girl was lying on the warm garments, and lifted on to six shoulders. I was in front on the right, and, by Jove! I was pleased to bear the burden.
“We went off as though we’d had a glass of wine, with more life and fire. I even heard jokes. You see, Frenchmen only need a woman to become electrified.
“The soldiers had almost formed up again in proper ranks, heartened and warmed. An old irregular who was following the litter, awaiting his turn to replace the first of his comrades who fell out, murmured to his neighbour in a tone loud enough for me to overhear:
“ ‘I’m not young any longer, but, damn it all, there’s nothing like the sex for putting courage into a man’s belly.’
“Until three o’clock in the morning we went forward almost without a halt. Then suddenly the scouts doubled back again, and soon the whole detachment was lying down in the snow, a mere vague shadow on the ground.
“I gave orders in a low voice, and behind us I heard the dry metallic crackle of rifles being cocked.
“For out in the middle of the plain something strange was stirring. It looked like an enormous animal moving along, lengthening out like a snake or gathering itself together into a ball, dashing off abruptly, now to the right, now to the left, halting, then starting off again.
“Suddenly this wandering shape approached us, and I saw, coming up at a fast trot, one behind the other, twelve lost Uhlans, seeking the right road. They were now so close that I could plainly hear the loud breathing of the horses, the jingling of their accoutrements, and the creaking of their saddles.
“I cried: ‘Fire!’
“Fifty shots broke the silence of the night. Then four or five more reports rang out, then one all by itself, and when the blinding glare of the blaze of fire had faded, we saw that the twelve men and nine of their horses had fallen. Three animals were galloping wildly away, one of them dragging behind it the body of its rider, hanging from the stirrup by one foot, bumping and bounding furiously.
“Behind me a soldier laughed, a terrible laugh. Another said:
“ ‘That makes a few widows.’
“Perhaps he was married. A third added:
“ ‘It didn’t take long.’
“A head was thrust out from the litter.
“ ‘What is happening?’ asked the girl. ‘Is there fighting?’
“ ‘It’s nothing, mademoiselle,’ I replied. ‘We have just dispatched a dozen Prussians.’
“ ‘Poor wretches!’ she murmured; but as she was cold, she disappeared again under the soldiers’ capes.
“Off we went again. We marched for a long time, but at last the sky grew pale. The snow became bright, luminous, and gleaming, and a line of warm colour appeared in the East.
“A distant voice cried:
“ ‘Who goes there?’
“The whole detachment halted, and I went forward to reassure the sentry. We were arriving in the French lines.
“As my men filed past headquarters, an officer on horseback, to whom I had just told our story, asked in a loud voice, as he saw the litter go by:
“ ‘What have you got in there?’
“A fair, smiling little face, with disordered hair, promptly appeared, and replied:
“ ‘It’s me, monsieur.’
“A laugh went up among the men, and our hearts leaped for pure joy.
“It was then that Pratique, who was marching beside the litter, waved his cap and shouted:
“ ‘Vive la France!’
“And I don’t know why, but I felt quite stirred, I thought the gesture so brave and gallant.
“I felt as though we had just saved the country, had done something which other men would not have done, something simple, something truly patriotic.
“I’ll never forget that little face of hers, and if I were asked for my opinion on the abolition of drums and bugles, I would propose substituting for them a pretty girl in each regiment. It would be better than playing the ‘Marseillaise.’ Good Lord, what a spirit it would put into a private to have a madonna like that, a living madonna, marching beside the colonel.”
He paused for a few seconds, then resumed with an air of conviction, nodding his head:
“Yes, we’re great lovers of women, we Frenchmen.”