XIX

It has been said by this or that writer, I scarcely know by whom, that, in proportion as we grow old, and our time becomes short, the swifter does it pass, until at last, as we approach the borders of the grave, it assumes all the speed and impetuosity of a river about to precipitate itself into an abyss; this is doubtless the case, provided we can carry to the grave those pleasant thoughts and delusions which alone render life agreeable, and to which even to the very last we would gladly cling; but what becomes of the swiftness of time, when the mind sees the vanity of human pursuits? which is sure to be the case when its fondest, dearest hopes have been blighted at the very moment when the harvest was deemed secure. What becomes from that moment, I repeat, of the shortness of time? I put not the question to those who have never known that trial; they are satisfied with themselves and all around them, with what they have done and yet hope to do; some carry their delusions with them to the borders of the grave, ay, to the very moment when they fall into it; a beautiful golden cloud surrounds them to the last, and such talk of the shortness of time; through the medium of that cloud the world has ever been a pleasant world to them; their only regret is that they are so soon to quit it; but oh, ye dear deluded hearts, it is not everyone who is so fortunate!

To the generality of mankind there is no period like youth. The generality are far from fortunate; but the period of youth, even to the least so, offers moments of considerable happiness, for they are not only disposed, but able to enjoy most things within their reach. With what trifles at that period are we content; the things from which in afterlife we should turn away in disdain please us then, for we are in the midst of a golden cloud, and everything seems decked with a golden hue. Never during any portion of my life did time flow on more speedily than during the two or three years immediately succeeding the period to which we arrived in the preceding chapter. Since then it has flagged often enough; sometimes it has seemed to stand entirely still; and the reader may easily judge how it fares at the present, from the circumstance of my taking pen in hand, and endeavouring to write down the passages of my life⁠—a last resource with most people. But at the period to which I allude I was just, as I may say, entering upon life; I had adopted a profession, and⁠—to keep up my character, simultaneously with that profession⁠—the study of a new language; I speedily became a proficient in the one, but ever remained a novice in the other: a novice in the law, but a perfect master in the Welsh tongue.

Yes! very pleasant times were those, when within the womb of a lofty deal desk, behind which I sat for some eight hours every day, transcribing (when I imagined eyes were upon me) documents of every description in every possible hand, Blackstone kept company with Ab Gwilym85⁠—the polished English lawyer of the last century, who wrote long and prosy chapters on the rights of things⁠—with a certain wild Welshman, who some four hundred years before that time indited immortal cowydds86 and odes to the wives of Cambrian chieftains⁠—more particularly to one Morfydd, the wife of a certain hunchbacked dignitary called by the poet facetiously Bwa Bach87⁠—generally terminating with the modest request of a little private parlance beneath the green wood bough, with no other witness than the eos, or nightingale, a request which, if the poet himself may be believed⁠—rather a doubtful point⁠—was seldom, very seldom, denied. And by what strange chance had Ab Gwilym and Blackstone, two personages so exceedingly different, been thus brought together? From what the reader already knows of me, he may be quite prepared to find me reading the former; but what could have induced me to take up Blackstone, or rather the law?

I have ever loved to be as explicit as possible; on which account, perhaps, I never attained to any proficiency in the law, the essence of which is said to be ambiguity; most questions may be answered in a few words, and this among the rest, though connected with the law. My parents deemed it necessary that I should adopt some profession, they named the law; the law was as agreeable to me as any other profession within my reach, so I adopted the law, and the consequence was, that Blackstone, probably for the first time, found himself in company with Ab Gwilym. By adopting the law I had not ceased to be Lavengro.

So I sat behind a desk many hours in the day, ostensibly engaged in transcribing documents of various kinds. The scene of my labours was a strange old house, occupying one side of a long and narrow court,88 into which, however, the greater number of the windows looked not, but into an extensive garden, filled with fruit trees, in the rear of a large, handsome house, belonging to a highly respectable gentleman, who, moyennant un douceur considérable, had consented to instruct my father’s youngest son in the mysteries of glorious English law. Ah! would that I could describe the good gentleman in the manner which he deserves; he has long since sunk to his place in a respectable vault, in the aisle of a very respectable church, whilst an exceedingly respectable marble slab against the neighbouring wall tells on a Sunday some eye wandering from its prayerbook that his dust lies below; to secure such respectabilities in death, he passed a most respectable life. Let no one sneer, he accomplished much; his life was peaceful, so was his death. Are these trifles? I wish I could describe him, for I loved the man, and with reason, for he was ever kind to me, to whom kindness has not always been shown; and he was, moreover, a choice specimen of a class which no longer exists⁠—a gentleman lawyer of the old school. I would fain describe him, but figures with which he has nought to do press forward and keep him from my mind’s eye; there they pass, Spaniard and Moor, Gypsy, Turk, and livid Jew. But who is that? what that thick pursy man in the loose, snuff-coloured greatcoat, with the white stockings, drab breeches, and silver buckles on his shoes? that man with the bull neck, and singular head, immense in the lower part, especially about the jaws, but tapering upward like a pear; the man with the bushy brows, small grey eyes, replete with catlike expression, whose grizzled hair is cut close, and whose earlobes are pierced with small golden rings? Oh! that is not my dear old master,89 but a widely different personage. Bon jour,90 Monsieur Vidocq! expressions de ma part à Monsieur le Baron Taylor.91 But here comes at last my veritable old master!

A more respectable-looking individual was never seen; he really looked what he was, a gentleman of the law⁠—there was nothing of the pettifogger about him. Somewhat under the middle size, and somewhat rotund in person, he was always dressed in a full suit of black, never worn long enough to become threadbare. His face was rubicund, and not without keenness; but the most remarkable thing about him was the crown of his head, which was bald, and shone like polished ivory, nothing more white, smooth, and lustrous. Some people have said that he wore false calves, probably because his black silk stockings never exhibited a wrinkle; they might just as well have said that he waddled, because his shoes creaked; for these last, which were always without a speck, and polished as his crown, though of a different hue, did creak, as he walked rather slowly. I cannot say that I ever saw him walk fast.

He had a handsome practice, and might have died a very rich man, much richer than he did, had he not been in the habit of giving rather expensive dinners to certain great people, who gave him nothing in return, except their company; I could never discover his reasons for doing so, as he always appeared to me a remarkably quiet man, by nature averse to noise and bustle; but in all dispositions there are anomalies. I have already said that he lived in a handsome house, and I may as well here add that he had a very handsome wife, who both dressed and talked exceedingly well.

So I sat behind the deal desk, engaged in copying documents of various kinds; and in the apartment in which I sat, and in the adjoining ones, there were others, some of whom likewise copied documents, while some were engaged in the yet more difficult task of drawing them up; and some of these, sons of nobody, were paid for the work they did, whilst others, like myself, sons of somebody, paid for being permitted to work, which as our principal observed, was but reasonable, forasmuch as we not unfrequently utterly spoiled the greater part of the work entrusted to our hands.

There was one part of the day when I generally found myself quite alone, I mean at the hour when the rest went home to their principal meal; I, being the youngest, was left to take care of the premises, to answer the bell, and so forth, till relieved, which was seldom before the expiration of an hour and a half, when I myself went home; this period, however, was anything but disagreeable to me, for it was then that I did what best pleased me, and, leaving off copying the documents, I sometimes indulged in a fit of musing, my chin resting on both my hands, and my elbows planted on the desk; or, opening the desk aforesaid, I would take out one of the books contained within it, and the book which I took out was almost invariably, not Blackstone, but Ab Gwilym.

Ah, that Ab Gwilym! I am much indebted to him, and it were ungrateful on my part not to devote a few lines to him and his songs in this my history. Start not, reader, I am not going to trouble you with a poetical dissertation; no, no! I know my duty too well to introduce anything of the kind; but I, who imagine I know several things, and amongst others the workings of your mind at this moment, have an idea that you are anxious to learn a little, a very little, more about Ab Gwilym than I have hitherto told you, the two or three words that I have dropped having awakened within you a languid kind of curiosity. I have no hesitation in saying that he makes one of the some half-dozen really great poets whose verses, in whatever language they wrote, exist at the present day, and are more or less known. It matters little how I first became acquainted with the writings of this man, and how the short thick volume, stuffed full with his immortal imaginings, first came into my hands. I was studying Welsh, and I fell in with Ab Gwilym by no very strange chance. But before I say more about Ab Gwilym, I must be permitted⁠—I really must⁠—to say a word or two about the language in which he wrote, that same “Sweet Welsh.” If I remember right, I found the language a difficult one; in mastering it, however, I derived unexpected assistance from what of Irish remained in my head, and I soon found that they were cognate dialects, springing from some old tongue which itself, perhaps, had sprung from one much older. And here I cannot help observing cursorily that I every now and then, whilst studying this Welsh, generally supposed to be the original tongue of Britain, encountered words which, according to the lexicographers, were venerable words, highly expressive, showing the wonderful power and originality of the Welsh, in which, however, they were no longer used in common discourse, but were relics, precious relics, of the first speech of Britain, perhaps of the world; with which words, however, I was already well acquainted, and which I had picked up, not in learned books, classic books, and in tongues of old renown, but whilst listening to Mr. Petulengro and Tawno Chikno talking over their everyday affairs in the language of the tents; which circumstance did not fail to give rise to deep reflection in those moments when, planting my elbows on the deal desk, I rested my chin upon my hands. But it is probable that I should have abandoned the pursuit of the Welsh language, after obtaining a very superficial acquaintance with it, had it not been for Ab Gwilym.

A strange songster was that who, pretending to be captivated by every woman he saw, was, in reality, in love with nature alone⁠—wild, beautiful, solitary nature⁠—her mountains and cascades, her forests and streams, her birds, fishes, and wild animals. Go to, Ab Gwilym, with thy pseudo-amatory odes, to Morfydd, or this or that other lady, fair or ugly; little didst thou care for any of them, Dame Nature was thy love, however thou mayest seek to disguise the truth. Yes, yes, send thy love-message to Morfydd, the fair wanton. By whom dost thou send it, I would know? by the salmon, forsooth, which haunts the rushing stream! the glorious salmon which bounds and gambols in the flashing water, and whose ways and circumstances thou so well describest⁠—see, there he hurries upwards through the flashing water. Halloo! what a glimpse of glory⁠—but where is Morfydd the while? What, another message to the wife of Bwa Bach? Ay, truly; and by whom?⁠—the wind! the swift wind, the rider of the world, whose course is not to be stayed; who gallops o’er the mountain, and, when he comes to broadest river, asks neither for boat nor ferry; who has described the wind so well⁠—his speed and power? But where is Morfydd? And now thou art awaiting Morfydd, the wanton, the wife of the Bwa Bach; thou art awaiting her beneath the tall trees, amidst the underwood; but she comes not; no Morfydd is there. Quite right, Ab Gwilym; what wantest thou with Morfydd? But another form is nigh at hand, that of red Reynard, who, seated upon his chine at the mouth of his cave, looks very composedly at thee; thou startest, bendest thy bow, thy crossbow, intending to hit Reynard with the bolt just about the jaw; but the bow breaks, Reynard barks and disappears into his cave, which by thine own account reaches hell⁠—and then thou ravest at the misfortune of thy bow, and the nonappearance of Morfydd, and abusest Reynard. Go to, thou carest neither for thy bow nor for Morfydd, thou merely seekest an opportunity to speak of Reynard; and who has described him like thee? the brute with the sharp shrill cry, the black reverse of melody, whose face sometimes wears a smile like the devil’s in the Evangile. But now thou art actually with Morfydd; yes, she has stolen from the dwelling of the Bwa Bach and has met thee beneath those rocks⁠—she is actually with thee, Ab Gwilym; but she is not long with thee, for a storm comes on, and thunder shatters the rocks⁠—Morfydd flees! Quite right, Ab Gwilym; thou hadst no need of her, a better theme for song is the voice of the Lord⁠—the rock shatterer⁠—than the frail wife of the Bwa Bach. Go to, Ab Gwilym, thou wast a wiser and a better man than thou wouldst fain have had people believe.

But enough of thee and thy songs! Those times passed rapidly away; with Ab Gwilym in my hand, I was in the midst of enchanted ground, in which I experienced sensations akin to those I had felt of yore whilst spelling my way through the wonderful book⁠—the delight of my childhood. I say akin, for perhaps only once in our lives do we experience unmixed wonder and delight; and these I had already known.

[It was my own fault if I did not acquire considerable knowledge of life and character, in the place to which my kind parents had sent me. I performed the tasks that were allotted to me in the profession I had embraced, if not very scrupulously, yet, perhaps as well as could be expected in one who was occupied by many and busy thoughts of his own. I copied what was set before me, and admitted those who knocked at the door of the sanctuary of law and conveyancing, performing the latter office indeed from choice, long after it had ceased to be part of my duty by the arrival of another, and of course a junior, pupil.

I scarcely know what induced me to take pleasure in this task, yet there can be no doubt that I did take pleasure in it, otherwise I should scarcely have performed it so readily. It has been said, I believe, that whatever we do con amore, we are sure to do well, and I dare say that, as a general rule, this may hold good. One thing is certain, that with whatever satisfaction to myself I performed the task, I was not equally fortunate in pleasing my employer, who complained of my want of discrimination and yet, strange as it may seem, this last is a quality upon which I not only particularly valued myself at the time, but still do in a high degree. I made a point never to admit any persons without subjecting them to the rigorous investigation of the pair of eyes that providence had been pleased to place in my head. To those who pleased me not, I was little better than a Cerberus whom it was very difficult to pass; whilst to others, I was all easiness and condescension, ushering them straight to the sanctum sanctorum, in which, behind a desk covered with letters and papers, stood⁠—for he never sat down to his desk⁠—the respectable individual whose lawful commands to obey and whose secrets to keep I had pledged myself by certain articles duly stamped and signed.

“This will never do,” said he to me one day; “you will make me a bankrupt, unless you alter your conduct. There is scarcely one of my respectable clients but complains of your incivility. I speak to you, my poor boy, as much on your own account as on mine. I quite tremble for you. Are you aware of the solecisms you commit? Only yesterday you turned Sir Edward from the door, and immediately after you admitted Parkinson the poet!92 What an insult to a gentleman to be turned from the door, and a strolling vagabond to be admitted before his eyes!”

“I can’t help it,” said I; “I used my best powers of discrimination; I looked both full in the face, and the one struck me as being an honest man, whilst the other had the very look of a slave driver.”

“In the face? Bless me! But you looked at their dress, I suppose? You looked at Sir Edward’s dress?”

“No,” said I, “I merely looked at his countenance.”

“Which you thought looked like that of a slave driver. Well, he’s been in the Indies, where he made his fortune; so, perhaps, you may not be so far out. However, be more cautious in future; look less at people’s countenances and more at their⁠—I dare say you understand me: admit every decent person, and if you turn away anybody, pray let it be the poet Parkinson⁠ ⁠…”

Keeping the admonition of my principal in view, I admitted without word or comment, provided the possessors had a decent coat to their backs, all kinds of countenances⁠—honest countenances, dishonest countenances, and those which were neither. Amongst all these, some of which belonged to naval and military officers, notaries public, magistrates, bailiffs, and young ecclesiastics⁠—the latter with spotless neckcloths and close-shaven chins⁠—there were three countenances which particularly pleased me: the first being that of an ancient earl, who wore a pigtail, and the back of whose coat was white with powder; the second, that of a yeoman ninety years old and worth £90,000, who, dressed in an entire suit of whitish corduroy, sometimes slowly trotted up the court on a tall heavy steed, which seemed by no means unused to the plough. The third was that of the poet Parkinson.

I am not quite sure that I remember the business which brought this last individual so frequently to our office, for he paid us a great many visits.

I am inclined to believe, however, that he generally carried in his pocket a bundle of printed poems of his own composition, on the sale of which he principally depended for his subsistence. He was a man of a singular, though to me by no means unpleasant countenance; he wore an old hat and a snuff-coloured greatcoat, and invariably carried in his hand a stout cudgel like a man much in the habit of walking, which he probably was, from the circumstance of his being generally covered with dust in summer, and in winter splashed with mud from head to foot.

“You cannot see the principal today, Mr. Parkinson,” said I to him once, as unannounced he entered the room where I sat alone; “he is gone out and will not return for some time.”

“Well, that’s unfortunate, for I want to consult him on some particular business.”

“What business is it? Perhaps I can be of service to you. Does it relate to the common law?”

“I suppose so, for I am told it is a common assault; but I had better wait till the gentleman comes home. You are rather too young; and besides I have other matters to consult him about; I have two or three papers in my pocket⁠ ⁠…”

“You cannot see him today,” said I; “but you were talking of an assault. Has anyone been beating you?”

“Not exactly; I got into a bit of a ruffle, and am threatened with an action.”

“Oh! so you have been beating somebody.”

“And if I did, how could I help it? I’ll tell you how it happened. I have a gift of making verses, as perhaps you know⁠—in fact, everybody knows. When I had sowed my little trifle of corn in the bit of ground that my father left me, having nothing better to do, I sat down and wrote a set of lines to my lord, in which I told him what a fine old gentleman he was. Then I took my stick and walked off to ⸻, where, after a little difficulty, I saw my lord, and read the verses to him which I had made, offering to print them if he thought proper. Well, he was mightily pleased with them, and said they were too good to be printed, and begged that I would do no such thing, which I promised him I would not, and left him, not before, however, he had given me a King James’ guinea, which they say is worth two of King George’s. Well, I made my bow and went to the village, and in going past the alehouse I thought I would just step in, which I did. The house was full of people, chiefly farmers, and when they saw me they asked me to sit down and take a glass with them, which I did, and being called upon for a song I sang one, and then began talking about myself and how much my lord thought of me, and I repeated the lines which I had written to him, and showed them the James’ guinea he had given me. You should have seen the faces they cast upon me at the sight of the gold; they couldn’t stand it, for it was a confirmation to their envious hearts of all I had told them. Presently one called me a boasting fool, and getting up said that my lord was a yet greater fool for listening to me, and then added that the lines I had been reading were not of my own making. ‘No, you dog,’ said he, ‘they are not of your own making; you got somebody to make them for you.’ Now, I do not mind being called a boaster, nor a dog either, but when he told me that my verses were not my own, I couldn’t contain myself, so I told him he lied, whereupon he flung a glass of liquor in my face, and I knocked him down.”

“Mr. Parkinson,” said I, “are you much in the habit of writing verses to great people?”

“Great and small. I consider nothing too high or too low. I have written verses upon the king, and upon a prize ox; for the first I got nothing, but the owner of the ox at Christmas sent me the better part of the chine.”

“In fact, you write on all kinds of subjects.”

“And I carry them to the people whom I think they’ll please.”

“And what subjects please best?”

“Animals; my work chiefly lies in the country, and people in the country prefer their animals to anything else.”

“Have you ever written on amatory subjects?”

“When young people are about to be married, I sometimes write in that style; but it doesn’t take. People think, perhaps, that I am jesting at them, but no one thinks I am jesting at his horse or his ox when I speak well of them. There was an old lady who had a peacock; I sent her some lines upon the bird; she never forgot it, and when she died she left me the bird stuffed and ten pounds.”

“Mr. Parkinson, you put me very much in mind of the Welsh bards.”

“The Welsh what?”

“Bards. Did you never hear of them?”

“Can’t say that I ever did.”

“You do not understand Welsh?”

“I do not.”

“Well, provided you did, I should be strongly disposed to imagine that you imitated the Welsh bards.”

“I imitate no one,” said Mr. Parkinson; “though if you mean by the Welsh bards the singing bards of the country, it is possible we may resemble one another; only I would scorn to imitate anybody, even a bard.”

“I was not speaking of birds, but bards⁠—Welsh poets⁠—and it is surprising how much the turn of your genius coincides with theirs. Why, the subjects of hundreds of their compositions are the very subjects which you appear to delight in, and are the most profitable to you⁠—beeves, horses, hawks⁠—which they described to their owners in colours the most glowing and natural, and then begged them as presents. I have even seen in Welsh an ode to a peacock.”

“I can’t help it,” said Parkinson, “and I tell you again that I imitate nobody.”

“Do you travel much about?”

“Aye, aye. As soon as I have got my seed into the ground, or my crop into my barn, I lock up my home and set out from house to house and village to village, and many is the time I sit down beneath the hedges and take out my pen and inkhorn. It is owing to that, I suppose, that I have been called the flying poet.”

“It appears to me, young man,” said Parkinson, “that you are making game of me.”

“I should as much scorn to make game of anyone, as you would scorn to imitate anyone, Mr. Parkinson.”

“Well, so much the better for us both. But we’ll now talk of my affair. Are you man enough to give me an opinion upon it?”

“Quite so,” said I, “Mr. Parkinson. I understand the case clearly, and I unhesitatingly assert that any action for battery brought against you would be flung out of court, and the bringer of said action be obliged to pay the costs, the original assault having been perpetrated by himself when he flung the liquor in your face; and to set your mind perfectly at ease I will read to you what Lord Chief Justice Blackstone says upon the subject.”

“Thank you,” said Parkinson, after I had read him an entire chapter on the rights of persons, expounding as I went along. “I see you understand the subject, and are a respectable young man⁠—which I rather doubted at first from your countenance, which shows the folly of taking against a person for the cast of his face or the glance of his eye. Now, I’ll maintain that you are a respectable young man, whoever says to the contrary; and that some day or other you will be an honour to your profession and a credit to your friends. I like chapter and verse when I ask a question, and you have given me both; you shall never want my good word; meanwhile, if there is anything that I can oblige you in⁠—”

“There is, Mr. Parkinson, there is.”

“Well, what is it?”

“It has just occurred to me that you could give me a hint or two at versification. I have just commenced, but I find it no easy matter, the rhymes are particularly perplexing.”

“Are you quite serious?”

“Quite so; and to convince you, here is an ode of Ab Gwilym which I am translating, but I can get no farther than the first verse.”

“Why, that was just my case when I first began,” said Parkinson.

“I think I have been tolerably successful in the first verse, and that I have not only gotten the sense of the author, but that alliteration, which, as you may perhaps be aware, is one of the most peculiar features of Welsh poetry. In the ode to which I allude the poet complains of the barbarity of his mistress, Morfydd, and what an unthankful task it is to be the poet of a beauty so proud and disdainful, which sentiment I have partly rendered thus:⁠—

Mine is a task by no means merry,

in which you observe that the first word of the line and the last two commence with the same letter, according to the principle of Welsh prosody. But now cometh the difficulty. What is the rhyme for merry?”

“Londonderry,” said the poet without hesitation, “as you will see by the poem which I addressed to Mr. C.,93 the celebrated Whig agriculturist, on its being reported that the king was about to pay him a visit:⁠—

But if in our town he would wish to be merry
Pray don’t let him bring with him Lord Londonderry,

which two lines procured me the best friend I ever had in my life.”

“They are certainly fine lines,” I observed, “and I am not at all surprised that the agriculturist was pleased with them; but I am afraid that I cannot turn to much account the hint which they convey. How can I possibly introduce Londonderry into my second line?”

“I see no difficulty,” said Parkinson; “just add:⁠—

I sing proud Mary of Londonderry

to your first line, and I do not see what objection could be made to the couplet, as they call it.”

“No farther,” said I, “than that she was not of Londonderry, which was not even built at the time she lived.”

“Well, have your own way,” said Parkinson; “I see that you have not had the benefit of a classical education.”

“What makes you think so?”

“Why, you never seem to have heard of poetical license.”

“I see,” said I, “that I must give up alliteration. Alliteration and rhyme together will, I am afraid, be too much for me. Perhaps the couplet had best stand thus:⁠—

I long have had a duty hard,
I long have been fair Morfydd’s bard.

“That won’t do,” said Parkinson.

“Why not?”

“Because ’tis not English. Bard, indeed! I tell you what, young man, you have no talent for poetry; if you had, you would not want my help. No, no; cleave to your own profession and you will be an honour to it, but leave poetry to me. I counsel you as a friend. Good morning to you.”]