Today Is Friday

Three Roman soldiers are in a drinking-place at eleven o’clock at night. There are barrels around the wall. Behind the wooden counter is a Hebrew wine-seller. The three Roman soldiers are a little cockeyed.
1st Roman Soldier You tried the red?
2nd Soldier No, I ain’t tried it.
1st Soldier You better try it.
2nd Soldier All right, George, we’ll have a round of the red.
Hebrew Wine-seller Here you are, gentlemen. You’ll like that. He sets down an earthenware pitcher that he has filled from one of the casks. That’s a nice little wine.
1st Soldier Have a drink of it yourself. He turns to the third Roman soldier who is leaning on a barrel. What’s the matter with you?
3rd Roman Soldier I got a gut-ache.
2nd Soldier You’ve been drinking water.
1st Soldier Try some of the red.
3rd Soldier I can’t drink the damn stuff. It makes my gut sour.
1st Soldier You been out here too long.
3rd Soldier Hell, don’t I know it?
1st Soldier Say, George, can’t you give this gentleman something to fix up his stomach?
Hebrew Wine-seller I got it right here.
The third Roman soldier tastes the cup that the wine-seller has mixed for him.
3rd Soldier Hey, what you put in that, camel chips?
Wine-seller You drink that right down, Lootenant. That’ll fix you up right.
3rd Soldier Well, I couldn’t feel any worse.
1st Soldier Take a chance on it. George fixed me up fine the other day.
Wine-seller You were in bad shape, Lootenant. I know what fixes up a bad stomach.
The third Roman soldier drinks the cup down.
3rd Roman Soldier Jesus Christ. He makes a face.
2nd Soldier That false alarm!
1st Soldier Oh, I don’t know. He was pretty good in there today.
2nd Soldier Why didn’t he come down off the cross?
1st Soldier He didn’t want to come down off the cross. That’s not his play.
2nd Soldier Show me a guy that doesn’t want to come down off the cross.
1st Soldier Aw, hell, you don’t know anything about it. Ask George there. Did he want to come down off the cross, George?
Wine-seller I’ll tell you, gentlemen, I wasn’t out there. It’s a thing I haven’t taken any interest in.
2nd Soldier Listen, I seen a lot of them⁠—here and plenty of other places. Any time you show me one that doesn’t want to get down off the cross when the time comes⁠—when the time comes, I mean⁠—I’ll climb right up with him.
1st Soldier I thought he was pretty good in there today.
3rd Soldier He was all right.
2nd Roman Soldier You guys don’t know what I’m talking about. I’m not saying whether he was good or not. What I mean is, when the time comes. When they first start nailing him, there isn’t none of them wouldn’t stop it if they could.
1st Soldier Didn’t you follow it, George?
Wine-seller No, I didn’t take any interest in it, Lootenant.
1st Soldier I was surprised how he acted.
3rd Soldier The part I don’t like is the nailing them on. You know, that must get to you pretty bad.
2nd Soldier It isn’t that that’s so bad, as when they first lift ’em up. He makes a lifting gesture with his two palms together. When the weight starts to pull on ’em. That’s when it gets ’em.
3rd Roman Soldier It takes some of them pretty bad.
1st Soldier Ain’t I seen ’em? I seen plenty of them. I tell you, he was pretty good in there today.
The second Roman soldier smiles at the Hebrew wine-seller.
2nd Soldier You’re a regular Christer, big boy.
1st Soldier Sure, go on and kid him. But listen while I tell you something. He was pretty good in there today.
2nd Soldier What about some more wine?
The wine-seller looks up expectantly. The third Roman soldier is sitting with his head down. He does not look well.
3rd Soldier I don’t want any more.
2nd Soldier Just for two, George.
The wine-seller puts out a pitcher of wine, a size smaller than the last one. He leans forward on the wooden counter.
1st Roman Soldier You see his girl?
2nd Soldier Wasn’t I standing right by her?
1st Soldier She’s a nice-looker.
2nd Soldier I knew her before he did. He winks at the wine-seller.
1st Soldier I used to see her around the town.
2nd Soldier She used to have a lot of stuff. He never brought her no good luck.
1st Soldier Oh, he ain’t lucky. But he looked pretty good to me in there today.
2nd Soldier What become of his gang?
1st Soldier Oh, they faded out. Just the women stuck by him.
2nd Roman Soldier They were a pretty yellow crowd. When they seen him go up there they didn’t want any of it.
1st Soldier The women stuck all right.
2nd Soldier Sure, they stuck all right.
1st Roman Soldier You see me slip the old spear into him?
2nd Roman Soldier You’ll get into trouble doing that some day.
1st Soldier It was the least I could do for him. I’ll tell you he looked pretty good to me in there today.
Hebrew Wine-seller Gentlemen, you know I got to close.
1st Roman Soldier We’ll have one more round.
2nd Roman Soldier What’s the use? This stuff don’t get you anywhere. Come on, let’s go.
1st Soldier Just another round.
3rd Roman Soldier Getting up from the barrel. No, come on. Let’s go. I feel like hell tonight.
1st Soldier Just one more.
2nd Soldier No, come on. We’re going to go. Good night, George. Put it on the bill.
Wine-seller Good night, gentlemen. He looks a little worried. You couldn’t let me have a little something on account, Lootenant?
2nd Roman Soldier What the hell, George! Wednesday’s payday.
Wine-seller It’s all right, Lootenant. Good night, gentlemen.
The three Roman soldiers go out the door into the street.
Outside in the street.
2nd Roman Soldier George is a kike just like all the rest of them.
1st Roman Soldier Oh, George is a nice fella.
2nd Soldier Everybody’s a nice fella to you tonight.
3rd Roman Soldier Come on, let’s go up to the barracks. I feel like hell tonight.
2nd Soldier You been out here too long.
3rd Roman Soldier No, it ain’t just that. I feel like hell.
2nd Soldier You been out here too long. That’s all.
Curtain.