“I’m a philosopher. Confound them all—
Don Juan
Birds, beasts, and men; but no, not womankind.”
“I now gave my mind to philosophy: the great object of my ambition was to make out a complete system of the universe, including and comprehending the origin, causes, consequences, and termination of all things. Instead of countenance, encouragement, and applause, which I should have received from everyone who has the true dignity of an oyster at heart, I was exposed to calumny and misrepresentation. While engaged in my great work on the universe, some even went so far as to accuse me of infidelity;—such is the malignity of oysters.”
Autobiography of an Oyster deciphered by the aid of photography in the shell of a philosopher of that race—recently scalloped