Act II
Scene I
An outer room in Lovewit’s house.
Enter Sir Epicure Mammon and Surly. | |
Sir Epicure Mammon |
Come on, sir. Now, you set your foot on shore
|
Face |
Within.
|
Sir Epicure Mammon |
That is his firedrake,
|
Pertinax Surly |
What, and turn that too? |
Sir Epicure Mammon |
Yes, and I’ll purchase Devonshire and Cornwall,
|
Pertinax Surly |
No, faith. |
Sir Epicure Mammon |
But when you see th’ effects of the Great Medicine,
|
Pertinax Surly |
Yes, when I see’t, I will.
|
Sir Epicure Mammon |
Ha! Why?
|
Pertinax Surly |
No doubt; he’s that already. |
Sir Epicure Mammon |
Nay, I mean,
|
Pertinax Surly |
The decayed Vestals of Pict-hatch would thank you,
|
Sir Epicure Mammon |
’Tis the secret
|
Pertinax Surly |
And I’ll
|
Sir Epicure Mammon |
Sir, I’ll do’t. Meantime,
|
Pertinax Surly |
As he that built the waterwork, does with water? |
Sir Epicure Mammon |
You are incredulous. |
Pertinax Surly |
Faith I have a humour,
|
Sir Epicure Mammon |
Pertinax, [my] Surly,
|
Pertinax Surly |
How! |
Sir Epicure Mammon |
Of the philosopher’s stone, and in High Dutch. |
Pertinax Surly |
Did Adam write, sir, in High Dutch? |
Sir Epicure Mammon |
He did;
|
Pertinax Surly |
What paper? |
Sir Epicure Mammon |
On cedar board. |
Pertinax Surly |
O that, indeed, they say,
|
Sir Epicure Mammon |
’Tis like your Irish wood,
|
Enter Face, as a servant. | |
—How now!
|
|
Face |
The evening will set red upon you, sir;
|
Sir Epicure Mammon |
Pertinax, my Surly.
|
Face |
Like a wench with child, sir,
|
Sir Epicure Mammon |
Excellent witty Lungs!—my only care
|
Face |
No, sir! Buy
|
Sir Epicure Mammon |
That’s true. |
Face |
Yes.
|
Sir Epicure Mammon |
No, good thatch:
|
Face |
I have blown, sir,
|
Sir Epicure Mammon |
And, lastly,
|
Face |
Yes, sir. |
Sir Epicure Mammon |
Where’s master? |
Face |
At his prayers, sir, he;
|
Sir Epicure Mammon |
Lungs, I will set a period
|
Face |
Good, sir. |
Sir Epicure Mammon |
But do you hear?
|
Face |
Yes, sir. |
Sir Epicure Mammon |
For I do mean
|
Face |
Both blood and spirit, sir. |
Sir Epicure Mammon |
I will have all my beds blown up, not stuffed;
|
Face |
And I shall carry it? |
Sir Epicure Mammon |
No. I’ll have no bawds,
|
Face |
Sir, I’ll go look
|
Exit. | |
Sir Epicure Mammon |
Do.—My shirts
|
Pertinax Surly |
And do you think to have the stone with this? |
Sir Epicure Mammon |
No, I do think t’ have all this with the stone. |
Pertinax Surly |
Why, I have heard he must be homo frugi,
|
Sir Epicure Mammon |
That makes it, sir; he is so: but I buy it;
|
Enter Subtle. | |
Good morrow, Father. |
|
Subtle |
Gentle son, good morrow,
|
Sir Epicure Mammon |
An heretic, that I did bring along,
|
Subtle |
Son, I doubt
|
Sir Epicure Mammon |
I know, sir;
|
Pertinax Surly |
Who is,
|
Subtle |
Well, son,
|
Face |
Within. Anon, sir. |
Subtle |
Look well to the register.
|
Face |
Within. Yes, sir. |
Subtle |
Did you look
|
Face |
Within. Which? On D, sir? |
Subtle |
Ay;
|
Face |
Within. Whitish. |
Subtle |
Infuse vinegar,
|
Face |
Within. I will, sir. |
Pertinax Surly |
What a brave language here is! Next to canting. |
Subtle |
I have another work, you never saw, son,
|
Sir Epicure Mammon |
But ’tis for me? |
Subtle |
What need you?
|
Sir Epicure Mammon |
O but— |
Subtle |
Why, this is covetise! |
Sir Epicure Mammon |
No, I assure you,
|
Reenter Face. | |
Subtle |
How now! |
Face |
Sir, please you,
|
Subtle |
Marry, yes;
|
Exit Face. | |
Sir Epicure Mammon |
Have you another? |
Subtle |
Yes, son; were I assured—
|
Sir Epicure Mammon |
Of white oil? |
Subtle |
No, sir, of red. F is come over the helm too,
|
Sir Epicure Mammon |
By pouring on your rectified water? |
Subtle |
Yes, and reverberating in Athanor. |
Reenter Face. | |
How now! What colour says it? |
|
Face |
The ground black, sir. |
Sir Epicure Mammon |
That’s your crow’s head? |
Pertinax Surly |
Your cockscomb’s, is it not? |
Subtle |
No, ’tis not perfect. Would it were the crow!
|
Pertinax Surly |
Aside. O, I looked for this.
|
Subtle |
Are you sure you loosed them
|
Face |
Yes, sir, and then married them,
|
Subtle |
The process then was right. |
Face |
Yes, by the token, sir, the retort brake,
|
Subtle |
I think ’twas so.
|
Pertinax Surly |
Aside. O, this ferret
|
Subtle |
But I care not:
|
Face |
Yes, sir,
|
Sir Epicure Mammon |
He says right. |
Pertinax Surly |
Aside. Ay, are you bolted? |
Face |
Nay, I know’t, sir,
|
Sir Epicure Mammon |
Is’t no more? |
Face |
No more, sir.
|
Sir Epicure Mammon |
Away, here’s money. What will serve? |
Face |
Ask him, sir. |
Sir Epicure Mammon |
How much? |
Subtle |
Give him nine pound:—you may give him ten. |
Pertinax Surly |
Yes, twenty, and be cozened, do. |
Sir Epicure Mammon |
There ’tis.
|
Subtle |
This needs not; but that you will have it so,
|
Face |
Yes, sir. |
Subtle |
And the philosopher’s vinegar? |
Face |
Ay. |
Exit. | |
Pertinax Surly |
We shall have a salad! |
Sir Epicure Mammon |
When do you make projection? |
Subtle |
Son, be not hasty, I exalt our medicine,
|
Sir Epicure Mammon |
Not those of iron? |
Subtle |
Yes, you may bring them too:
|
Pertinax Surly |
I believe you in that. |
Sir Epicure Mammon |
Then I may send my spits? |
Subtle |
Yes, and your racks. |
Pertinax Surly |
And dripping-pans, and pot-hangers, and hooks?
|
Subtle |
If he please. |
Pertinax Surly |
—To be an ass. |
Subtle |
How, sir! |
Sir Epicure Mammon |
This gentleman you must bear withal:
|
Pertinax Surly |
And little hope, sir;
|
Subtle |
Why, what have you observed, sir, in our art,
|
Pertinax Surly |
But your whole work, no more.
|
Subtle |
Sir, do you
|
Pertinax Surly |
If I should? |
Subtle |
Why, I think that the greater miracle.
|
Pertinax Surly |
That cannot be.
|
Subtle |
The same we say of lead and other metals,
|
Sir Epicure Mammon |
And that
|
Subtle |
Ay, for ’twere absurb
|
Pertinax Surly |
Ay, what is that? |
Subtle |
Marry, we say— |
Sir Epicure Mammon |
Ay, now it heats: stand, Father,
|
Subtle |
It is, of the one part,
|
Sir Epicure Mammon |
Well said, Father!
|
Pertinax Surly |
Pray you, sir, stay.
|
Subtle |
Sir? |
Pertinax Surly |
What else are all your terms,
|
Subtle |
And all these named,
|
Sir Epicure Mammon |
Sir, so I told him—
|
Subtle |
Was not all the knowledge
|
Sir Epicure Mammon |
I urged that,
|
Dol Common |
Appears at the door.—
|
Subtle |
’Sprecious!—What do you mean? Go in, good lady,
|
Dol retires. | |
—Where’s this varlet? |
|
Reenter Face. | |
Face |
Sir. |
Subtle |
You very knave! Do you use me thus? |
Face |
Wherein, sir? |
Subtle |
Go in and see, you traitor. Go! |
Exit Face. | |
Sir Epicure Mammon |
Who is it, sir? |
Subtle |
Nothing, sir; nothing. |
Sir Epicure Mammon |
What’s the matter, good sir?
|
Subtle |
All arts have still had, sir, their adversaries;
|
Reenter Face. | |
What now? |
|
Face |
’Twas not my fault, sir; she would speak with you. |
Subtle |
Would she, sir! Follow me. |
Exit. | |
Sir Epicure Mammon |
Stopping him. Stay, Lungs. |
Face |
I dare not, sir. |
Sir Epicure Mammon |
Stay, man; what is she? |
Face |
A lord’s sister, sir. |
Sir Epicure Mammon |
How! Pray thee, stay. |
Face |
She’s mad, sir, and sent hither—
|
Sir Epicure Mammon |
I warrant thee.—
|
Face |
Sir, to be cured. |
Subtle |
Within. Why, rascal! |
Face |
Lo you!—Here, sir! |
Exit. | |
Sir Epicure Mammon |
’Fore God, a Bradamante, a brave piece. |
Pertinax Surly |
Heart, this is a bawdyhouse! I will be burnt else. |
Sir Epicure Mammon |
O, by this light, no: do not wrong him. He’s
|
Reenter Face. | |
How now, Lungs! |
|
Face |
Softly, sir; speak softly. I meant
|
Sir Epicure Mammon |
No, he will not be “gulled;” let him alone. |
Face |
You are very right, sir, she is a most rare scholar,
|
Sir Epicure Mammon |
How might one do t’ have conference with her, Lungs? |
Face |
O divers have run mad upon the conference:
|
Pertinax Surly |
Be not gulled, Sir Mammon. |
Sir Epicure Mammon |
Wherein? Pray ye, be patient. |
Pertinax Surly |
Yes, as you are,
|
Sir Epicure Mammon |
You are too foul, believe it.—Come here, Ulen,
|
Face |
I dare not, in good faith.
|
Sir Epicure Mammon |
Stay, knave. |
Face |
He is extreme angry that you saw her, sir. |
Sir Epicure Mammon |
Drink that. Gives him money.
|
Face |
O, the most affablest creature, sir! So merry!
|
Sir Epicure Mammon |
Is she no way accessible? No means,
|
Subtle |
Within. Ulen! |
Face |
I’ll come to you again, sir. |
Exit. | |
Sir Epicure Mammon |
Surly, I did not think one of your breeding
|
Pertinax Surly |
Sir Epicure,
|
Sir Epicure Mammon |
’Heart, you abuse yourself.
|
Pertinax Surly |
And yet you never saw her
|
Sir Epicure Mammon |
O yes, but I forgot. I have, believe it,
|
Pertinax Surly |
What call you her brother? |
Sir Epicure Mammon |
My lord—
|
Pertinax Surly |
A very treacherous memory! |
Sir Epicure Mammon |
On my faith— |
Pertinax Surly |
Tut, if you have it not about you, pass it,
|
Sir Epicure Mammon |
Nay, by this hand, ’tis true.
|
Pertinax Surly |
Heart! Can it be,
|
Reenter Face. | |
Face |
Here’s one from Captain Face, sir,
|
Pertinax Surly |
Sir, I will.—
|
Face |
Sir, he does pray, you’ll not forget. |
Pertinax Surly |
I will not, sir.
|
Exit. | |
Sir Epicure Mammon |
I follow you, straight. |
Face |
But do so, good sir, to avoid suspicion.
|
Sir Epicure Mammon |
But wilt thou Ulen,
|
Face |
As my life, sir. |
Sir Epicure Mammon |
And wilt thou insinuate what I am, and praise me,
|
Face |
O, what else, sir?
|
Sir Epicure Mammon |
Wilt thou do this? |
Face |
Will I, sir! |
Sir Epicure Mammon |
Lungs, my Lungs!
|
Face |
Send your stuff, sir, that my master
|
Sir Epicure Mammon |
Thou hast witched me, rogue: take, go.
|
Face |
Your jack, and all, sir. |
Sir Epicure Mammon |
Thou art a villain—I will send my jack,
|
Face |
Not I, sir! |
Sir Epicure Mammon |
Come, I was born to make thee, my good weasel,
|
Face |
Away, sir. |
Sir Epicure Mammon |
A count, nay, a count palatine— |
Face |
Good, sir, go. |
Sir Epicure Mammon |
Shall not advance thee better: no, nor faster. |
Exit. | |
Reenter Subtle and Dol. | |
Subtle |
Has he bit? Has he bit? |
Face |
And swallowed, too, my Subtle.
|
Subtle |
And shall we twitch him? |
Face |
Thorough both the gills.
|
Subtle |
Dol, my Lord What’ts’hums sister, you must now
|
Dol Common |
O let me alone.
|
Face |
Well said, sanguine! |
Subtle |
But will he send his andirons? |
Face |
His jack too,
|
Subtle |
O Monsieur Caution, that will not be gulled? |
Face |
Ay,
|
Subtle |
What, more gudgeons!
|
Dol Common |
I know him not: he looks like a gold-endman. |
Subtle |
Ods so! ’Tis he, he said he would send what call you him?
|
Exit Face with the gown. | |
Away,
|
|
Exit Dol. | |
Now,
|
|
Enter Ananias. | |
Aloud.
|
|
Reenter Face. | |
Face |
Sir! |
Subtle |
Take away the recipient,
|
Face |
Yes, sir.
|
Subtle |
No: Terra damnata
|
Ananias |
A faithful brother, if it please you. |
Subtle |
What’s that?
|
Ananias |
I understand no heathen language, truly. |
Subtle |
Heathen! You Knipper-doling? Is Ars sacra,
|
Ananias |
Heathen Greek, I take it. |
Subtle |
How! Heathen Greek? |
Ananias |
All’s heathen but the Hebrew. |
Subtle |
Sirrah, my varlet, stand you forth and speak to him,
|
Face |
Sir, putrefaction,
|
Subtle |
This is heathen Greek to you, now!—
|
Face |
After mortification. |
Subtle |
What’s cohobation? |
Face |
’Tis the pouring on
|
Subtle |
What’s the proper passion of metals? |
Face |
Malleation. |
Subtle |
What’s your ultimum supplicium auri? |
Face |
Antimonium. |
Subtle |
This is heathen Greek to you!—And what’s your mercury? |
Face |
A very fugitive, he will be gone, sir. |
Subtle |
How know you him? |
Face |
By his viscosity,
|
Subtle |
How do you sublime him? |
Face |
With the calce of eggshells,
|
Subtle |
Your magisterium now,
|
Face |
Shifting, sir, your elements,
|
Subtle |
This is heathen Greek to you still!
|
Face |
’Tis a stone,
|
Subtle |
Enough. |
Exit Face. | |
This is heathen Greek to you! What are you, sir? |
|
Ananias |
Please you, a servant of the exiled Brethren,
|
Subtle |
O, you are sent from master Wholesome,
|
Ananias |
From Tribulation Wholesome,
|
Subtle |
Good! I have
|
Ananias |
Of what kind, sir? |
Subtle |
Pewter and brass, andirons and kitchenware,
|
Ananias |
Were the orphans’ parents
|
Subtle |
Why do you ask? |
Ananias |
Because
|
Subtle |
’Slid, you’d cozen else,
|
Ananias |
No, surely. |
Subtle |
No! How so? |
Ananias |
The Brethren bid me say unto you, sir,
|
Subtle |
How! |
Ananias |
You have had,
|
Subtle |
What’s your name? |
Ananias |
My name is Ananias. |
Subtle |
Out, the varlet
|
Exit Ananias. | |
This will fetch ’em,
|
|
Reenter Face, in his uniform, followed by Drugger. | |
Face |
He is busy with his spirits, but we’ll upon him. |
Subtle |
How now! What mates, what Baiards have we here? |
Face |
I told you, he would be furious.—Sir, here’s Nab,
|
Drugger |
A sign, sir. |
Face |
Ay, a good lucky one, a thriving sign, Doctor. |
Subtle |
I was devising now. |
Face |
’Slight, do not say so,
|
Subtle |
No, that way is stale, and common.
|
Face |
Nab! |
Subtle |
He shall have “a bell,” that’s “Abel;”
|
Face |
Abel, thou art made. |
Drugger |
Sir, I do thank his worship. |
Face |
Six o’ thy legs more will not do it, Nab.
|
Drugger |
Yes, sir;
|
Face |
Out with it, Nab. |
Drugger |
Sir, there is lodged, hard by me,
|
Face |
Good! A bona roba? |
Drugger |
But nineteen, at the most. |
Face |
Very good, Abel. |
Drugger |
Marry, she’s not in fashion yet; she wears
|
Face |
No matter, Abel. |
Drugger |
And I do now and then give her a fucus— |
Face |
What! Dost thou deal, Nab? |
Subtle |
I did tell you, Captain. |
Drugger |
And physic too, sometime, sir; for which she trusts me
|
Face |
Good (his match too!)—On, Nab. |
Drugger |
And she does strangely long to know her fortune. |
Face |
Ods lid, Nab, send her to the Doctor, hither. |
Drugger |
Yes, I have spoke to her of his worship already;
|
Face |
Hurt it! ’Tis the way
|
Drugger |
No, sir, she’ll never marry
|
Face |
What! And dost thou despair, my little Nab,
|
Drugger |
No, sir, a gentleman newly warm in his land, sir,
|
Face |
How! To quarrel? |
Drugger |
Yes, sir, to carry quarrels,
|
Face |
’Slid, Nab, the Doctor is the only man
|
Subtle |
O, good Captain! |
Face |
He shall;
|
Drugger |
I’ll try my power, sir. |
Face |
And thy will too, Nab. |
Subtle |
’Tis good tobacco, this! What is’t an ounce? |
Face |
He’ll send you a pound, Doctor. |
Subtle |
O no. |
Face |
He will do’t.
|
Exit Drugger. | |
A miserable rogue, and lives with cheese,
|
|
Subtle |
And shall, sir. This works. |
Face |
A wife, a wife for one on us, my dear Subtle!
|
Subtle |
Rather the less: for she may be so light
|
Face |
Ay, or be such a burden,
|
Subtle |
Faith, best let’s see her first, and then determine. |
Face |
Content: but Dol must have no breath on’t. |
Subtle |
Mum.
|
Face |
’Pray God I have not stayed too long. |
Subtle |
I fear it. |
Exeunt. |