Act II
A drawing-room in Lebedyev’s house; facing the stage a door into the garden; doors on right and left. Old-fashioned expensive furniture. A chandelier, candelabras, and pictures—all under covers.
Zinaida Savishna, Kossih, Avdotya Nazarovna, Yegorushka, Gavril, a Maidservant, Old Lady Visitors, Young People, and Madame Babakin.
Zinaida Savishna is sitting on the sofa. Old Ladies are sitting in armchairs on either side of her, and Young People on ordinary chairs. In the background, near the way out into the garden, they are playing cards; among the players are Kossih, Avdotya Nazarovna and Yegorushka. Gavril is standing by the door on right; a Maidservant carries round a tray full of sweets. Throughout the act Guests pass across the stage from the garden to door on right and back again. Madame Babakin comes in from door on right and goes up to Zinaida Savishna.
| Zinaida | Joyfully. My darling Marfa Yegorovna! |
| Madame Babakin | How are you, Zinaida Savishna? I have the honour to congratulate you on your daughter’s birthday. They kiss. God grant that … |
| Zinaida | Thank you, darling, I am so glad. … Well, how are you? |
| Madame Babakin | Thank you very much indeed sits down beside her on the sofa. How do you do, young people? |
| The Guests get up and bow. | |
| First Guest | Laughs. Young people! … Why, are you old, then? |
| Madame Babakin | With a sigh. Well, I am sure I don’t claim to be young. … |
| First Guest | Laughing respectfully. Upon my word, what next! You don’t look like a widow; you can give points to any young girl. |
| Gavril hands Madame Babakin tea. | |
| Zinaida | To Gavril. Why do you bring it like that? Fetch some jam. Gooseberry or something. |
| Madame Babakin | Please don’t trouble. Thanks ever so much. … |
| A pause. | |
| First Guest | Did you drive through Mushkino, Marfa Yegorovna? |
| Madame Babakin | No, through Zaimishtche. The road is better that way. |
| First Guest | To be sure. |
| Kossih | Two spades. |
| Yegorushka | Pass. |
| Avdotya | Pass. |
| Second Guest | Pass. |
| Madame Babakin | Lottery tickets have gone up shockingly, Zinaida Savishna, darling. It’s unheard of: the first drawings are worth two hundred and seventy and the second nearly two hundred and fifty. It has never been so much before. … |
| Zinaida | Sighs. It’s a good thing for those who have plenty of them. |
| Madame Babakin | Don’t say that, darling. Though the price is so high, it does not pay to put one’s money into them. The insurance alone is enough to drive you crazy. |
| Zinaida | That may be so; but still, my dear, one has hopes … she sighs. God is merciful. |
| Third Guest | From my point of view, mesdames, I maintain that it does not pay to have capital at all nowadays. Investments yield a very small dividend and to put money into business is extremely risky. The way I look at it, mesdames, is that the man who has capital in the present day is in a much more critical position than a man who … |
| Madame Babakin | Sighing. That’s true! |
| First Guest yawns. | |
| Madame Babakin | Is that the way to behave before ladies? |
| First Guest | Pardon, mesdames, it was an accident. |
| Zinaida Savishna gets up and goes out at the door on right. Prolonged silence. | |
| Yegorushka | Two of diamonds. |
| Avdotya | Pass. |
| Second Guest | Pass. |
| Kossih | Pass. |
| Madame Babakin | Aside. O Lord, how deadly dull it is! |
| Enter Zinaida Savishna and Lebedyev. | |
| Zinaida | Coming out of door on right with Lebedyev, quietly. What do you want to stick there for all alone! As though you were a prima-donna! Sit with your visitors sits down in the same place as before. |
| Lebedyev | Yawns. Oh dear, oh dear! Seeing Madame Babakin. Saints alive, here is strawberry cream! Turkish delight! Shakes hands. How is your precious self? |
| Madame Babakin | All right, thanks ever so much. |
| Lebedyev | Well, thank God for that! Sits down. Yes, yes. … Gavril! |
| Gavril brings him a wineglass of vodka and a tumbler of water; he drinks up the vodka and sips the water. | |
| First Guest | To your very good health! |
| Lebedyev | Very good health indeed! … I must be thankful I’ve not snuffed it altogether. To his wife. Zyuzushka, where is the queen of the day? |
| Kossih | Plaintively. I should like to know why it is we have taken no tricks jumps up. Why have we lost every game? May the devil flay me entirely! |
| Avdotya | Jumps up and says angrily. Why, because if you can’t play, my good man, you had better not take a hand. Whatever business had you to lead your opponent’s suit? That’s why you were left with your ace in pickle! They both run forward from the table. |
| Kossih | In a tearful voice. Listen. … I had the ace, king, queen and eight more diamonds, the ace of spades and one little heart, you know. … And she could not declare a little slam—the devil knows why! I said no trumps … |
| Avdotya | It was I who said no trumps! You said two and no trumps. … |
| Kossih | It’s revolting! … Excuse me … you had … I had … you had … To Lebedyev. Just think, Pavel Kirillitch … I had the ace, king, queen and eight more diamonds. … |
| Lebedyev | Putting his fingers in his ears. Let me alone, if you don’t mind … |
| Avdotya | Shouts. It was I said no trumps! |
| Kossih | Ferociously. May I be damned and disgraced if I ever sit down again to play with that cross old crab! Goes quickly into the garden. Second Guest goes after him. Yegorushka is left at the table. |
| Avdotya | Ugh! I am hot all over. … A crab! … You are a crab yourself! |
| Madame Babakin | You are a hasty one, too, Granny. … |
| Avdotya | Seeing Madame Babakin, flings up her hands. My joy, my beauty! She is here, and me so blind as not to see her! … My darling … kisses her on the shoulder and sits down beside her. How delightful! Let me have a look at you, my white swan! … I’ll knock on the wood! |
| Lebedyev | Now you are off. … You’d much better be finding her a husband. … |
| Avdotya | I will find her one! I won’t lay my sinful old bones in my coffin till I have married her off, and Sasha too! … I won’t! … a sigh. Only where are they to be found nowadays, these husbands? Here they sit ruffling up their feathers like cocks in the rain, our young men! |
| Third Guest | A very unhappy comparison. In my opinion, mesdames, if young men nowadays prefer a bachelor existence, the reason is to be found in social conditions, so to say. … |
| Lebedyev | Come, come, no moralising! … I don’t care for it … |
| Enter Sasha. | |
| Sasha | Goes up to her father. Such glorious weather, and you all sit here in this stuffy room. |
| Zinaida | Sashenka, don’t you see that Marfa Yegorovna is here? |
| Sasha | I am sorry goes up to Madame Babakin and shakes hands. |
| Madame Babakin | You are growing proud, Sasha. You have not been to see me once kisses her. I congratulate you, darling. … |
| Sasha | Thank you sits down beside her father. |
| Lebedyev | Yes, Avdotya Nazarovna, it is a difficult job with the young men nowadays. One can’t get a decent best man for a wedding, let alone a husband. Nowadays young people (no offence to present company) are so limp and flabby, God help them! … They can’t talk, they can’t dance, they can’t drink. … |
| Avdotya | Oh, they are all equal to drinking if they have the chance. |
| Lebedyev | There’s no great art in drinking—even a horse can drink. … The thing is to drink like a gentleman. In our time we used to be struggling all day with lectures, and as soon as evening came on we would go off anywhere and be twirling like a top till morning … and we danced and amused the young ladies and had a good drink too. We talked nonsense or talked philosophy till our tongues were tired. … But the young men nowadays … waves his hand. I can’t make them out. … Neither a candle to God nor a poker to the devil. There’s only one sensible fellow in the district, and he is married sighs, and I fancy he is beginning to go off his head too. … |
| Madame Babakin | Who is that? |
| Lebedyev | Nikolasha Ivanov. |
| Madame Babakin | Yes, he is a nice gentleman makes a grimace. Only unfortunate! … |
| Zinaida | How could he be fortunate, my dear? Sighs. What a mistake he made, poor fellow! He married his Jewess and reckoned, poor fellow! that her father and mother would give mountains of gold with her; but it has turned out quite the other way. … Ever since she changed her religion her father and mother have cast her off—they cursed her. … So he hasn’t got a farthing. Now he is sorry, but it is too late. … |
| Sasha | Mother, that’s not true. |
| Madame Babakin | Hotly. Sasha! not true? Why, everybody knows it. If it weren’t for money why ever should he have married a Jewess? There are plenty of Russian girls, aren’t there? He made a mistake, darling, he made a mistake. … Eagerly. And, I say, how she catches it from him now! It is simply too funny. As soon as he comes home he is at her at once: “Your father and mother have cheated me! Get out of my house!” And where is she to go? Her father and mother won’t take her; she would go for a housemaid, but she has never been trained to do anything … And he goes on from one thing to another till the Count takes her part. If it were not for the Count he would have been the death of her long ago. … |
| Avdotya | And sometimes he will shut her in the cellar and make her eat garlic. … She will eat it and eat it till she is sick laughter. |
| Sasha | Father, that’s a lie, you know! |
| Lebedyev | Well, what of it? Let them babble as they like … Shouts. Gavril! |
| Gavril hands him vodka and water. | |
| Zinaida | That’s how it is he has come to ruin, poor fellow! His affairs are in a bad way, my dear. … If Borkin did not look after the estate he and his Jewess would have nothing to eat sighs. And what we have had to put up with on his account, my dear. … God only knows what we have had to put up with! Would you believe it, dear, he has been owing us nine thousand for these three years! |
| Madame Babakin | With horror. Nine thousand! |
| Zinaida | Yes. … It was my precious Pashenka’s idea to give it to him. He never knows whom one can lend to and whom one can’t. I say nothing of the capital—it’s no good worrying about that—but he might at least pay the interest regularly. |
| Sasha | Hotly. Mother, you have talked of that thousands of times already! |
| Zinaida | What is it to you? Why do you defend him? |
| Sasha | Getting up. But how can you have the face to talk like that about a man who has done you no sort of harm? Why, what has he done to you? |
| Third Guest | Alexandra Pavlovna, allow me to say a couple of words. I respect Nikolay Alexeyevitch, and always considered it an honour … but, speaking entre nous, my opinion is that he is an adventurer. |
| Sasha | Well, I congratulate you on your opinion. |
| Third Guest | In support of it I beg to mention the following fact which was reported to me by his attaché or, so to speak, cicerone, Borkin. Two years ago at the time of the cattle plague he bought cattle, insured them … |
| Zinaida | Yes, yes, yes! I remember the incident. I was told of it too. |
| Third Guest | Insured them—mark that—then infected them with the cattle plague and got the insurance money. |
| Sasha | Ugh, that’s all such rubbish! No one bought cattle or infected them! That was all Borkin’s invention, and he boasted of the plan everywhere. When Ivanov heard of it, Borkin was begging his pardon for a fortnight before he would forgive him. Ivanov is only to blame for being weak and not having the heart to kick that Borkin out, and he is to blame for putting too much trust in people too! He has been robbed and plundered on all sides: everyone who could made money out of his generous schemes. |
| Lebedyev | Sasha, you little spitfire, shut up! |
| Sasha | Why do they talk such nonsense? It’s so dull—so boring! Ivanov, Ivanov, Ivanov—you talk of nothing else goes to the door and turns back. I wonder! To the young men. I positively wonder at your patience, gentlemen! Aren’t you tired of sitting still like this? The very air is heavy with boredom! Do say something; entertain the young ladies; move about a little! Come, if you have no other subject but Ivanov, laugh, sing, dance or something. … |
| Lebedyev | Laughing. Give it to them, give it to them well! |
| Sasha | Come, I say, do something for me! If you don’t care to dance, to laugh, to sing, if all that bores you, I beg you, I entreat you, just for once in your life—as a curiosity—to surprise or amuse us: make a great effort and all together think of something witty and brilliant; say something, even if it is rude or vulgar, so long as it is amusing and new! Or all together do some little thing, however inconspicuous, so long as it is just conceivably worth doing, so that for once in their lives the young ladies may cry “Oh!” as they look at you. You do want to please, don’t you? So why don’t you try to be pleasing? Ah! my friends, you are not up to much—not up to much, any of you. … The very flies die of boredom and the lamps begin smoking when they look at you. … You are not up to much, any of you. … I have told you so a thousand times already, and I shall always say so. |
| Enter Ivanov and Shabelsky. | |
| Shabelsky | Entering with Ivanov by door on right. Who is preaching here? You, Sasha? Laughs and shakes hands with her. Happy returns, my angel. God grant that you die as late as possible and are not born again. … |
| Zinaida | Delightedly. Nikolay Alexeyevitch! Count! |
| Lebedyev | Bah! Whom do I see? … The Count! Goes to meet him. |
| Shabelsky | Seeing Zinaida Savishna and Madame Babakin, stretches out his hands to them. Two gold mines on one sofa! … Delightful spectacle! Shakes hands. To Zinaida Savishna. How do you do, Zyuzushka! To Madame Babakin. How do you do, dumpling! |
| Zinaida | I am glad. You are such a rare visitor, Count! Shouts. Gavril, tea! Please sit down gets up, goes out of door on right and at once returns; she looks extremely preoccupied. Sasha sits down in the same place as before. Ivanov greets everyone in silence. |
| Lebedyev | To Shabelsky. Where have you dropped from? What brought you here? It is a surprise! Kisses him. Count, you are a rascal! Is that the way for decent people to behave? Leads him by the hand to the footlights. Why do you never come and see us? Are you cross, or what? |
| Shabelsky | How can I come and see you? Astride a stick? I have no horses, and Nikolay won’t bring me with him: he tells me to stay with Sarra, to keep her company. Send your horses for me, and then I will come. … |
| Lebedyev | With a wave of his hand. Oh, well! Zyuzushka would burst before she’d let me have the horses. You dear creature, you darling, you know you are nearer and dearer to me than anyone! Of all the old set there is no one left but you and me! In you I love my sorrows of past years, and my fair youth so idly flung away. … Joking apart, I feel ready to cry! Kisses the Count. |
| Shabelsky | Let go—let go! You smell like a wine-cellar. … |
| Lebedyev | My dear soul, you can’t think how I miss my old friends! I could hang myself, I am so miserable softly. Zyuzushka, with her money-grubbing, has driven all decent people away, and as you see we have none but Zulus left … these Dudkins and Budkins. … Come, drink your tea! |
| Gavril brings Shabelsky tea. | |
| Zinaida | Anxiously to Gavril. What are you doing? Bring some jam … gooseberry, or something … |
| Shabelsky | Laughs; to Ivanov. There; did I not tell you? To Lebedyev. I bet him on the way that as soon as we got here Zyuzushka would regale us with gooseberry jam. … |
| Zinaida | You are just as fond of your joke as ever, Count sits down. |
| Lebedyev | She has made two barrels of gooseberry jam, so what is she to do with it? |
| Shabelsky | Sitting down near the table. You are saving money, Zyuzushka, aren’t you? I suppose you are a millionaire by now, eh? |
| Zinaida | With a sigh. Yes, to outsiders it seems as though we are richer than anyone, but where could we get money from? That’s all gossip. … |
| Shabelsky | Come, come! We know all about that! … We know what a poor hand you are at the game … To Lebedyev. Pasha, tell the truth, have you saved a million? |
| Lebedyev | I don’t know. Ask Zyuzushka. … |
| Shabelsky | To Madame Babakin. And our fat little dumpling will soon have a million too! She gets plumper and prettier, not every day, but every hour! That’s what it is to have plenty of money. … |
| Madame Babakin | I am very much obliged to your Excellency, but I am not fond of being jeered at. |
| Shabelsky | My dear goldmine, do you suppose it was a jeer? It was simply a cry from the heart. Out of the fullness of the heart the mouth speaketh. … There is no limit to my affection for you and Zyuzushka gaily. It’s rapture, ecstasy! I can’t look at either of you unmoved! |
| Zinaida | You are just the same as ever. To Yegorushka. Yegorushka, put out the candles! Why let them burn for nothing when you are not playing? Yegorushka starts; puts out the candles and sits down. To Ivanov. Nikolay Alexeyevitch, how is your wife? |
| Ivanov | She is very ill. The doctor told us today that it is certainly consumption. |
| Zinaida | Really? What a pity! A sigh. We are all so fond of her. |
| Shabelsky | Nonsense, nonsense, nonsense! … There is no consumption at all: it’s all quackery—doctors’ tricks. The learned gentleman likes to hang about the house, so he makes out it’s consumption. Luckily for him the husband is not jealous. Ivanov makes a gesture of impatience. As for Sarra herself, I don’t trust a word she says or a thing she does. All my life I’ve never trusted doctors, lawyers, or women. It’s all nonsense and nonsense, quackery and tricks! |
| Lebedyev | To Shabelsky. You are a strange individual, Matvey! … You’ve taken up this affectation of misanthropy and play about with it like a fool with a new hat. You are a man like anyone else, but you are as peevish in your talk as though you had a blister on your tongue, or indigestion. … |
| Shabelsky | Why, would you have me kiss rogues and scoundrels, or what? |
| Lebedyev | Where do you see rogues and scoundrels? |
| Shabelsky | I don’t refer to present company, of course, but … |
| Lebedyev | There you are with your buts. … It’s all affectation. |
| Shabelsky | Affectation? … It’s a good thing you’ve no philosophy of life. |
| Lebedyev | What philosophy could I have? I sit every minute expecting to kick the bucket. That’s my philosophy of life. It’s too late for you and me, old man, to talk of philosophies of life. Yes, indeed! Shouts. Gavril! |
| Shabelsky | You have had too much of Gavril as it is. … Your nose is like beetroot already. |
| Lebedyev | Drinks. Never mind, my dear soul … it’s not my wedding day. |
| Zinaida | It is a long while since Dr. Lvov has been to see us. He has quite deserted us. |
| Sasha | My pet aversion. The walking image of honesty. He can’t ask for a glass of water or smoke a cigarette without displaying his extraordinary honesty. If he walks about or talks, his face is always labelled “I am an honest man.” He bores me. |
| Shabelsky | He is a stiff-necked, narrow-minded individual! Mimicking. “Make way for honest labour!” He shouts like a cockatoo at every step, and he fancies he is really a second Dobrolyubov. If a man does not shout as he does, he is a scoundrel. His views are wonderfully profound. If a peasant is well off and lives like a human being, he is a scoundrel and a bloodsucker. I put on a velvet jacket and am dressed by a valet, so I am a scoundrel and a slave-owner. He is simply bursting with honesty. Nothing is good enough for him. I am positively afraid of him. … Yes, indeed! any minute he may slap you in the face or call you a scoundrel from a sense of duty. |
| Ivanov | He wearies me dreadfully, but at the same time I like him; he is so sincere. |
| Shabelsky | Nice sort of sincerity! He came up to me yesterday evening, and apropos of nothing at all: “You are deeply repulsive to me, Count!” I am very much obliged! And all that not simply, but from principle: his voice shakes, his eyes flash, and he is all of a tremor. … Damnation take his wooden sincerity! He may find me hateful and disgusting; it’s natural enough. I can see that, but why tell me so to my face? I am a wretched creature, but anyway my hair is grey. … A stupid, pitiless honesty! |
| Lebedyev | Come, come, come! … You’ve been young yourself, and can make allowances. |
| Shabelsky | Yes, I’ve been young and foolish: I’ve played the Tchatsky in my day. I’ve denounced rascals and blackguards, but never in my life have I called a man a thief to his face, or talked of the gallows in the house of a man who has been hanged. I was decently brought up. But your dull-witted doctor would be in the seventh heaven and feel that he was fulfilling his mission, if fate would grant him the opportunity of publicly slapping me in the face and punching me in the pit of the stomach for the sake of principle and the great ideals of humanity. |
| Lebedyev | Young people are always self-assertive. I had an uncle, a Hegelian … he would invite a houseful of visitors, drink with them, stand up on a chair like this and begin: “You are ignorant! You are the powers of darkness! The dawn of a new life,” etc., etc., etc. … He would go on and on at them. |
| Sasha | And what did the visitors do? |
| Lebedyev | Oh, nothing … they just listened and went on drinking. Once, though, I challenged him to a duel … my own uncle. It was about Bacon. I remember, if I am right, I was sitting where Matvey is now, and my uncle and Gerassim Nilitch were standing as it might be here, where Nikolay is. … And Gerassim Nilitch, if you please, puts the question … |
| Borkin, foppishly dressed, with a parcel in his hand, comes in at door on right, humming and skipping about. A murmur of approval. | |
| Young Ladies | Mihail Mihailitch! |
| Lebedyev | Mihail Mihailitch! My ears tell me … |
| Shabelsky | The soul of the party! |
| Borkin | Here I am! Runs up to Sasha. Noble lady! I venture to make so bold as to congratulate the universe on the birth of so marvellous a flower as you. … As the tribute of my enthusiasm may I dare to offer you gives her the parcel some fireworks and Bengal fires of my own manufacture? May they illuminate the night as you lighten the gloom of the kingdom of darkness makes a theatrical bow. |
| Sasha | Thank you. … |
| Lebedyev | Laughing, to Ivanov. Why don’t you get rid of that Judas? |
| Borkin | To Lebedyev. My respects to Pavel Kirillitch! To Ivanov. To my patron! Sings. Nicolas, voilà, ho-hi-ho. Makes the round of the whole party. To the most honoured Zinaida Savishna! Divine Marfa Yegorovna … most ancient Avdotya Nazarovna … most illustrious Count. … |
| Shabelsky | Laughs. The soul of the party. … As soon as he comes in the atmosphere grows lighter. Have you noticed it? |
| Borkin | Ough, I am tired. … I believe I have greeted everybody now. Well, what’s the news, ladies and gentlemen? Is there nothing special to wake us up? Briskly to Zinaida Savishna. I say, mamma … as I was on the way here … To Gavril. Give me some tea, Gavril, but no gooseberry jam! To Zinaida Savishna. As I was on the way here I saw the peasants stripping the bark of your osiers on the river. Why don’t you let a dealer have them? |
| Lebedyev | To Ivanov. Why don’t you get rid of that Judas? |
| Zinaida | Aghast. I might, that’s true, the idea never struck me! |
| Borkin | Does drill exercises with his arms. I can’t get on without exercise. … What can I do that’s extra special, mamma? Marfa Yegorovna, I am in form tonight … wild with excitement! Sings. “Once more I stand before thee. …” |
| Zinaida | Get up something, for we are all bored. |
| Borkin | Really! Why are you all so down in the mouth? You sit like jurymen! … Let us do something. What would you like? Forfeits? Hide the ring? Touch third? Dancing? Fireworks? |
| Young Ladies | Clap their hands. Fireworks! Fireworks! They run into the garden. |
| Sasha | To Ivanov. Why are you so depressed this evening? |
| Ivanov | My head aches, Sasha, and I am bored. … |
| Sasha | Come into the drawing-room. They go towards door on right; everyone goes into the garden except Zinaida Savishna and Lebedyev. |
| Zinaida | Well, that’s something like a young man—before he has been here a minute he has cheered them all up turns down the big lamp. While they are all out in the garden it is no use wasting the candles puts out the candles. |
| Lebedyev | Following her. Zyuzushka, we ought to give our visitors something to eat. … |
| Zinaida | There, what a lot of candles … no wonder people think we are rich puts out the candles. |
| Lebedyev | Following her. Zyuzushka, you ought to give the people something to eat. … They are young people, I bet they are hungry, poor things. … Zyuzushka. … |
| Zinaida | The Count has not finished his glass. Simply wasting sugar! Goes towards door on left. |
| Lebedyev | Tfoo! Goes out into the garden. |
| Enter Ivanov and Sasha. | |
| Sasha | Comes in with Ivanov from door on right. They have all gone into the garden. |
| Ivanov | That’s how it is, Sasha. In old days I did a lot of work and a lot of thinking and never got tired; now I do nothing and think of nothing, and I am weary body and soul. My conscience aches night and day, I feel that I am terribly to blame, but exactly in what way I am to blame I don’t know. And then my wife’s illness, no money, the everlasting nagging and gossip, unnecessary talk, that fool Borkin. … My home has grown hateful to me, and living in it is worse than torture. I tell you openly, Sasha, even to be with my wife who loves me has become unbearable. You are my old friend, and won’t be angry with me for speaking the truth. I have come to you to distract my mind, but I am bored here too, and I am longing to get home again. Forgive me, I will just slip away. |
| Sasha | Nikolay Alexeyevitch, I understand you. Your misfortune is that you are all alone. You ought to have someone by you whom you love and who understands you. Nothing can renew you but love. |
| Ivanov | What next, Sasha! That would be the last straw for a wretched bedraggled old creature like me to start a new love affair! God preserve me from such a calamity! No, my wise little friend, it is not a case for love affairs. I tell you in all solemnity, I can put up with everything—misery and neurasthenia and bankruptcy and the loss of my wife and my premature old age and my loneliness—but I cannot endure my contempt for myself. I could die with shame at the thought that I, a strong healthy man, have turned into a sort of Hamlet or a Manfred or a superfluous man … the devil knows what. There are pitiful creatures who are flattered at being called Hamlets or superfluous men, but to me it is a disgrace! It wounds my pride, I am crushed by shame, and I am miserable. … |
| Sasha | Jestingly through tears. Nikolay Alexeyevitch, let us run off to America. |
| Ivanov | I am too lazy to move to this door, and you talk of America … They go to the door into the garden. Of course, Sasha, you don’t have an easy time of it here. When I look at the people that surround you, I feel horrified at the thought of whom you can marry. The only hope is that some lieutenant or student will pass this way and carry you off. … |
| Zinaida Savishna comes in from door on left with a jar of jam. | |
| Ivanov | Excuse me, Sasha, I will come after you. … |
| Sasha goes out into the garden. | |
| Ivanov | Zinaida Savishna, I’ve come to ask you a favour. |
| Zinaida | What is it, Nikolay Alexeyevitch? |
| Ivanov | Hesitates. Well, you see, the fact is that the day after tomorrow the interest on your loan is due. You would very greatly oblige me if you would give me a little longer, or would let me add the interest on to the principal. I have no money at all at the moment. … |
| Zinaida | Alarmed. Nikolay Alexeyevitch, how is that possible? That’s not the way to do things! No, don’t think of such a thing. For God’s sake don’t worry me, I have troubles enough. … |
| Ivanov | I am sorry, I am sorry … goes out into the garden. |
| Zinaida | Ough, he has upset me! I am all of a shake … all of a shake … goes out at door on right. |
| Enter Kossih. | |
| Kossih | Enters from left door and crosses the stage. I had the ace, king, queen, and eight more diamonds, the ace of spades and just one … one little heart, and she could not declare a little slam, the devil take her entirely. … goes out at door on right. |
| Enter Avdotya Nazarovna and First Guest. | |
| Avdotya | Coming from the garden with First Guest. I could tear her to pieces, I could tear her to pieces, the old skinflint! It’s no joke. I’ve been sitting here since five o’clock and she has not offered us as much as a stale herring! … It is a house! … It is a way to manage! |
| First Guest | I am so bored that I could run and bash my head against the wall! They are people, Lord have mercy upon us! One is so hungry and so bored; it’s enough to make one howl like a wolf and begin snapping at people. |
| Avdotya | Couldn’t I tear her to pieces, sinful woman that I am! |
| First Guest | I’ll have a drink, old lady, and get home! I don’t want your eligible young ladies. How the devil is one to think of love when one has not had one glass of wine since dinner? |
| Avdotya | Let’s go and look for something. … |
| First Guest | Sh‑sh! Quietly! I believe there is vodka in the sideboard in the dining-room. We’ll get hold of Yegorushka. … Sh‑sh! They go out by door on left. |
| Anna Petrovna and Lvov come out of door on right. | |
| Anna Petrovna | It’s all right, they will be pleased to see us. Nobody here. They must be in the garden. |
| Lvov | I wonder why you have brought me here into this nest of vultures? This is no place for you or me. Honest people ought to keep out of this atmosphere! |
| Anna Petrovna | Listen, Mr. Honest Man! It is not polite to take a lady out and to talk to her of nothing but your honesty all the way! It may be honest, but to say the least of it, it is wearisome. You should never talk to women about your virtues. Let them see those for themselves. When my Nikolay was your age he did nothing but sing songs and tell stories in the company of ladies, but they could all see what sort of man he was. |
| Lvov | Oh, don’t talk to me about your Nikolay. I understand him perfectly! |
| Anna Petrovna | You are a good man, but you don’t understand anything. Let us go into the garden. He never used such expressions as “I am honest! I am stifled in this atmosphere! Vultures! Owl’s nest! Crocodiles!” He used to leave the menagerie alone, and when he had been indignant all I heard from him was, “Ah, how unjust I was today!” or “Anyuta, I am sorry for that man!” That’s what he was like, while you … They go out. |
| Enter Avdotya Nazarovna and First Guest. | |
| First Guest | Coming in from door on left. It’s not in the dining-room, so it must be somewhere in the larder. We must try Yegorushka. Let us go through the drawing-room. |
| Avdotya | Couldn’t I tear her to pieces! They go out at door on right. |
| Madame Babakin and Borkin run out of the garden, laughing; Shabelsky comes tripping after them, laughing, and rubbing his hands. | |
| Madame Babakin | How dull it is! Laughs. It is dull! They all sit and walk about as though they had swallowed a poker. I am stiff with boredom skips about. I must stretch my legs! Borkin puts his arm round her waist and kisses her on the cheek. |
| Shabelsky | Laughs and snaps his fingers. Dash it all! Clears his throat. After all … |
| Madame Babakin | Let go, take away your arm, you shameless fellow, or goodness knows what the Count will think! Leave off! … |
| Borkin | Angel of my soul, jewel of my heart! … kisses her. Do lend me two thousand three hundred roubles! … |
| Madame Babakin | N‑no, n‑no, n‑no. … You may say what you like, but as regards money, no thank you. … No, no, no! Oh, take your arms away! |
| Shabelsky | Prances round them. The little dumpling. … She has her charm. … |
| Borkin | Gravely. Come, that’s enough. Let us come to the point. Let us discuss things straightforwardly, in a businesslike way. Give me a direct answer, without any tricks or subtleties: yes or no? Listen points to the Count. He wants money, at least three thousand roubles a year. You want a husband. Would you like to be a Countess? |
| Shabelsky | Laughs. A wonderful cynic! |
| Borkin | Would you like to be a Countess? Yes or no? |
| Madame Babakin | Agitated. Do think what you are saying, Misha, really! And such things aren’t done in this slapdash way. … If the Count wishes it he can himself … and I don’t know really how, all of a minute. … |
| Borkin | Come, come, that’s enough airs and graces! It’s a business matter. … Yes or no? |
| Shabelsky | Laughing and rubbing his hands. Yes, really, eh? Dash it all, why not play this dirty trick? What? The dumpling! Kisses Madame Babakin on the cheek. Charmer! Peach! |
| Madame Babakin | Wait a minute, wait a minute. … You’ve quite upset me. … Go away, go away! No, don’t go! … |
| Borkin | Make haste! Yes or no? We’ve no time to waste. … |
| Madame Babakin | I tell you what, Count. You come and stay with me for two or three days. … You’ll find it jolly, it’s not like this house. Come tomorrow. … To Borkin. No, you are joking, aren’t you? |
| Borkin | Angrily. As though one would joke about serious things! |
| Madame Babakin | Wait a minute, wait a minute. … Oh, I feel faint! I feel faint! Countess … I am fainting. … I shall drop. … Borkin and the Count, laughing, take her arm-in-arm and, kissing her on the cheek, lead her out by door on right. |
| Ivanov and Sasha run in from the garden. | |
| Ivanov | Clutching his head in despair. It cannot be! Don’t, don’t, Sasha! … Oh, don’t! |
| Sasha | Carried away. I love you madly. There is no meaning in life, no joy, no happiness without you! You are everything to me! … |
| Ivanov | What’s the use, what’s the use? My God! I don’t understand it! Sasha, don’t! … |
| Sasha | In my childhood you were my only joy; I loved you and your soul like myself, but now … I love you, Nikolay Alexeyevitch! … I’ll go with you to the ends of the earth, where you like, to the grave, if you will, but for God’s sake let it be soon or I shall be stifled. … |
| Ivanov | Breaks into a happy laugh. What is it? Beginning life again then, Sasha, yes? … My happiness! Draws her to him. My youth, my freshness! … |
| Anna Petrovna comes in from the garden and, seeing her husband and Sasha, stands rooted to the spot. | |
| Ivanov | I am to live then? Yes? To get to work again? A kiss. After the kiss Ivanov and Sasha look round and see Anna Petrovna. |
| Ivanov | In horror. Sarra! |
Curtain.